Baby whisperer routine - godsend or stress increaser and waste of time?

[dal21]

hi - hope you can share your views/ experiences as i have a dilemna.

DS has just turned 6 weeks old (although was born at 37 weeks, not sure if that makes a difference) and today was first day trying to start implementing EASY. Before i had ds, i swore i wouldnt use a dummy, or co-sleep etc. etc. PFB syndrome. Needless to say, I do use a dummy and have also started co sleeping on occasion.

Before today-was quite chilled and going with the flow. DS has settled into 3 hourly feeding himself and despite wanting to be held quite a bit; things are ok.

I read the bw though and am now petrified that am falling into the 'accidental parenting' trap and my child will be damien the devil child if i dont break habits of co-sleeping/ holding to send him to sleep now. But equally 1 day of clock watching and following routine has left me a little frazzled.

is the short term pain worth it for the long term gain? what are your experiences/ views?

I read the BW book when I had a baby who was afew weeks old and I had no clue about what to do. I found it a real support but as most people on here have said, I only used selected bits. The bits that worked for me. Then ignored the rest. I think that is the best thing to do with all the help books as everyone and their baby is different.

I do agree that you have to think about the things you are doing and think about if they will make your like easier or harder in the long run. But it all depends on how you want to bring your child up. For example, I have never wanted to co-sleep so I have never taken my los into my bed. Even if they were crying at night. Having said that, I have been very lucky with both mine and they have slept well most of the time so that is easy for me to say.

I too had really strong ideas as to how I was going to bring up my children. Before I had them. Now, with a 2yo and a 9monthold, I have definatly learned to go with the flow.

I would go back to what you were doing if it was working for you and your lo. As long as you are both happy, then it's working and you are doing really well.

Hiya, have only read a few posts but seems i am an accidental parent to my ds1 (now 9) and ds2 (5 weeks). DS1 had no routine, fed when he wanted, slept when he wanted, co-slept etc and is a now well developed 9 yr old with no hang ups....

DS2 has a dummy feeds throughout the day, is active until 7.15 then sleeps like a dream until between 5am to 7am when he wakes for his next feed. He does sometimes co-sleep, I hold him to get him to sleep just as i did with ds1. I personally think stuff the books and do what YOU as a parent feels is best and what you are most comfortable with!!!!!!!!

the 'accidental parenting' thing is funny. can you imagine, all those peoples of the world out there who have never read a book by a childcare 'expert' are all 'accidental parents'.

I seemed to have turned out fine growing up in a place which wasn't at the end of the world, but you could see it from there.

thanks everyone. as you say; there are some good ideas in there and i will apply those....

I read BW just before DS was born, thought it sounded great. I liked what she said about not leaving babies to cry etc. However DS was not interested in EASY, and in retrospect I'm really sad that I got up at 7am and got him up and then watched in despair as he was unrousable and wouldn't eat/sleep/poo to schedule.

6 weeks is way early to establish a routine. I threw it all out of the window and tried again at 4 months when he was much more receptive.

Bin the evil books and enjoy yourself! Your child will settle into a routine and life will be manageable, but not for a wee while yet!

i liked the baby whisperer, but i can't for the life of me remember anything about "accidental parenting" or having to do certain things at certain times, so clearly i just did the bits that appealed to me!

she says at one point that "a routine isn't the same thing as a schedule" - maybe i just seized on that and ignored the rest. we did EASY, but sometimes it would be a three-hour cycle, sometimes more and sometimes less.

i think the idea of trying to understand what your baby is telling you is very sound though, and the descriptions of different cries (which sounded like rubbish) did actually match what my DS did.

agree 6 weeks is much too early for a routine. we fell into a routine at about 14 weeks, which basically just consists of "bedtime at 7" and everything else fits in around that.

Want to repeat what someone below said because I think it is very worth repeating: think "instinctual parenting", which is a very good thing, instead of "Accidental Parenting" which is some a concept made up to sell books. It's ridiculous to think that if you deviate from a game plan someone else devised for YOUR newborn you are setting yourself up inevitable disaster.

The best advice I got was "this too shall pass". Babies change constantly, and what looks like "habit" today may instantly be dropped by your baby two weeks from now. For the first 6-8 weeks, my baby could only fall asleep on a chest. Now, at 10 mos, he falls asleep on his own in a cot (and has done so for some time now). He loved his dummy in the beginning and then around month 4 he started spitting it out everytime I gave it to him and that was the end of the dummy. He never played after he ate - he fell straight to sleep instead. I could go on and on -- and 10 months on we have a very happy (and not devilish) baby and mother.

The book someone mentioned below about the extra trimester after the baby is born is written by Dr. Harvey Karp - I don't know the name of it. His theory is that human babies are born a trimester too early - their "fourth trimester" is their first three months of life and during this time you can and should do anything that reminds him of his antenatal environment -- swaddling, feeding on demand, rocking etc.

We thought the baby whisperer was fab. We had a very angry and frustrated baby who literally screamed himself silly for 6 weeks. After we we introduced a routine based around the EASY idea and it worked wonders for us. Things settled, ds was calmer. I would say I am a great believer in trusting your own instincts though. We did some things by the book and others definately not -our son was a tummy sleeper and that isn't in any book I've read!

Accidental parenting? Yep there are things that we all do in every aspect of life that one day we think -how did this happen? How did we get here? I think you just need to keep an open mind, listen to advice but you don't have to take it! Try out different ideas, be self refelctive without beating yourself up about what you are doing. Most of all, try to enjoy your baby as they really aren't babies for long!

well am continuing with parts of it today. interestingly enough, despite a frustrating day yesterday; last night ds was fab. went 4 1/2 then 3 hrs between feeds without needing to be settled by us. whether he would have done this anyway i dont know. the part that stressed us both out yestreday was my swaddling and trying to put him to sleep whilst awake. am trying the other parts of it today without those changes. am much more chilled sticking with what works for ds.

BW's breastfeeding advice is bull. The whole Accidental Parenting thing made me panic and get very stressed, I look back now and wish I had never got that damn book.

have not read all of thread but I had the Bw (leant from a friend) and like other posters some of it was helpful some not.

The accidental parenting bit made me panic, I did what I did thru instinct i.e. rock/feed/walk her to sleep and surprise surprise at 3 months she started falling asleep on her own!! Thsi was despite the ominous tones of the Bw who felt I would be building a rod for my own back!

However I found the 4 s thing really helped and probably contributed to her being able to self-soothe to sleep without crying.

I liked it best for the fact that it didn't advocate crying it out or controlled crying and talked about trust.

BF advice is questionable tho!

beast of luck, you're doing brilliantly I'm sure you'll be fine.

I have skimmed through and agree with most of it [i didn't read closely enough to say all lol]
Apart from having to be put in a pram twice a day the only form of routine I have is at the 9-10ish pm feed I'll dip him in a bath, although I'd say go by the feed not the clock iyswim. When he's older I can move the bath earlier and earlier, gradually until he goes up with dd. This is all I have ever done, at this point and all mine have slept through from 5-6 weeks. You should trust your instincts, he's only little, routines can fall into place later [although I am quite strict about afternoon snoozes and bedtime once they hit 6 months ish, not anal you understand, just strictish]
Re dummies, I haven't given mine a dummy at all other than at bedtime, and none of them have kept it in anyway.

I think that the EASY part of baby whisperer was good. I followed that as afirst time mum and it helped me but I didn't follow any timed routines or anything.
Eat, Activity, Sleep helped me because I had no idea what babies should do but my dd breastfed every 2 hrs during the day for 4 months (abd through at night from 4 weeks!!!) and my ds fed every 4 hrs for 6 months and didn't sleep through till 7 months.

I loved the Baby Whisper book(s) and watched the TV show avidly, but I have to admit I never followed it slavishly. I found it most useful for helping me read my oldest son. He had dreadful colic and seemed inconsolable all the time.

It got me through a period when I thought I was a useless mother because he seemed so miserable all the time. For me the EASY routine helped me to give him more sleep, and he was a much happier baby as a result.

I've got to admit though, I've always taken a bit of a "pick and mix" approach to baby books. I try to take the bits that seem to makes sense to me from various books.

The Gina Ford book (read this before my son was even born) just freaked me out initially until I put it into perspective, and yet some people rave about it. So, just do what works for you.

I was terrified of being an "accidental parent" too. it became such a loaded term as if 6 months down the line I'd have to spend every night for a month trying to break yet another bad habit I'd got my dd into.

I wish to god I'd never read any parenting book (I read them all slavishly) and gone with the flow a bit more in the early weeks. It's not like I paid any attention to them anyway (was feeding every 2 hours until at least 3-4 months, during the day anyway). babies really do fall into their own naop routine and sleep patterns.

The only piece of advice i found useful was that newborns need a sleep roughly every 2 hours.

Hi there dal,

I read every book going when pg with ds1 and had too planned on using the EASY routine. Then Sam was born and I felt like I had been knocked sideways both with how hard it was to do anything other than what came naturally and also how much I wanted to be with him. We had intended him being in his own room from day 1 with co-sleeping my biggest nightmare - needless to say after 1 night of no sleep he was in the bed with me.

I don't think you can 'spoil' them when they are this little and loads of experience by friends suggests the same. I knwo of babies on strict routines who responded both well and badly and also babies whose paretns winged it also have done both well and bad.

I think the bottom line is babies respond best to having a happy relaxed mum - for some you will be more relaxed giving in to your baby's every need, for others a strict routine relaxes them.

My personal experience was that Sam found his own routine at about 12 weeks which was then much easier to stick to as it was right for him. I presonally wouldn't worry too much about enforcing a routine if its not working - maybe just keep a record of his feeds and sleeps to see when he starts to develop one of his own and then maybe try to follow that a bit more?

One thing I did find worked though was a bedtime routine - don't think it matters what you do with this but it seemed to help Sam to know that this was night.

Good luck!

I think all babies find their own routine reasonably early on - by around 6 weeks you recognise the signs anyway!! I did the whole "attachment parenting" with my dd (now 6 yo) and had a nightmare to get her to sleep anywhere other than with us - and this went on for years !! we still have trouble with her sleeping so when ds came along 3 years ago I was that determined that he wouldnt have a dummy/sleep in our bed/feed on demand, so I did my own version of the BW book and it worked really well and he slept through by 6 weeks, fed really well, was a dream baby and now dream 3 year old beleive it or not!!! BUT i think he may have been that sort of baby without the BW book anyway I learned from my "mistakes" with DD and used my common sense with DS and thats all anyone can do really!! Although I was/am a fan of the EASY routine still

thanks guys again for your posts. a lot of what you guys says makes sense - interestingly enough the book has made me make little changes today. after settling him after the 6am feed, he was awake 35 mins later. normally i would have taken him to bed to get him to sleep but i decided to try to resttle him and 15-20 mins later he went down again a dream and i got showered/ morning chores done. so although the book had me stressed yesterday-it has made me think a little more about what ds needs from me. and i what i need.
and if there are times that he doesnt follow it - i won't let it stress me out as all of us have our off days and as you quite rightly say - my baby is still ickle!

LOL at post that said about baby's having instructions printed on their bum!

The bit about BW that I found helpful was separating easting and sleeping - eventually, as babe is ready.

I too freaked out that I was setting all these bad habits but then decided that some 'bad' habits were worth making in the name of trust and love and filling my baby up with feelings of warmth and love and comfort, and that we would just have to deal with them at a later stage. And we did - and all is well. Easy to break a 'bad habit' when they are developmentally ready for the new thing.

It has taken me a long while and two babies to get to the point where I can take the good bits from these books and not feel shite and like I am doing something wrong. Really, best to use them as place mats for the first few months of babies lives.