19 month old not speaking

[mumto1toddler]

First time mum and I'll be honest I'm not sure if I'm being dramatic or not here so please be gentle.

LO is 19 months, babbles a lot but doesn't talk, she can say dad and nan but it's not clear really if she understands/associates the word with the person - I think she does with dad but I'm really not 100%!

She understands when I say no, she responds most of the time to her name (if she's playing she does ignore me someone's though), she copies waving, screams/shouts at the end of row row your boat, and listens when we sign to her but doesn't join in, she doesn't understand when I say bring me X or show me X. She's a very content chilled child - no dramas with any foods, bath time or anything like that. Sleep is an issue though, she takes a very long time to get to sleep most of the time!

She is aware who is new (she hadn't seen my brother for months so was wary of him but after a few times seeing him she was fine again) - so there's an awareness of strangers. She also comes to me when tired/for comfort.

She does not point but sometimes shows me things, she sometimes looks when I point at things.

I'm not sure if I've given enough information to get any advice here so feel free to ask me any questions. It's worth mentioning the last time she saw a health visitor was at her 10 month check up which was fine (apart from her not crawling - she started shortly after and is now walking and her motor skills are fine). I called the HV a few weeks ago with my concerns and she said if I still felt worried in a couple of months to call again but I'll be honest I'm still worried - mainly because I want to know if I could/should be doing more.

Giving myself a bump, sorry

Hiya, just a few follow up questions. I am by no means an expert but do have autism in the family and it seems that's where you're getting at?

You mentioned that she doesn't point, if you're outside and she sees a cat or something interesting, would she point at all? Aeroplane in the sky? A big red bus, truck? Would she point if she saw daddy coming (glass door) and she hasn't seen him all day?

Does she copy waving or does she wave goodbye when you leave aka say bye bye to x and she waves. If you have a rattle and you say shake shake shake, would she shake the rattle? Roll the ball? If you say eg splish splosh splash in the bath would she splash about? High fives? Hug?

Does she feed herself? Does she bring you books for you to read to her? Does she dance to music?

@frolicmum thank you for replying!

No she doesn't do anything like that regarding pointing or showing me things outside (or inside).

She does get excited when she can see daddy coming but she doesn't point.

She loves a hug and will come and hug me herself or will come when I ask for one (same with her dad and grandparents) - yes she does high fives and copies waving when we say hi or bye 70% of the time.

No she doesn't feed herself (finger foods she does but not with a spoon/fork), she does bring me books sometimes and if I finish reading she shows me she wants me to read it again sometimes (she also turns the pages when I say "name turn the page" she wouldn't splash if I told her to I don't think but if she splashed and I said again she mostly will do it.

I hope I haven't forgotten anything you asked xx

How does she show you that she wants you to read the book again?

Are you based in England? She could just be taking her time but I would give the health visitor a ring or whatever your equivalent is.

Some things you say sound very good, others raise a few concerns (that's just me, I am no professional though).

If you see the health visitor, I would ask them for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. It will take you

My post was a lot longer, I have no clue why it didn't post, anyway... The appointment won't be for another 4 months, so I would fight for that referral. By that time, it's a lot easier to assess her as she'll be nearly 2 and we usually know where a 2 year old should be with non verbal communication and understanding aka language development.

In addition I wanted to say that you're a wonderful mummy and that she will always be your little girl. This is nobody's fault, definitely not yours - it's ok to worry but try to not let it take over your life. You can always DM me if you need to talk. Sending lots of love x

I had the same worries with my little girl. She did begin pointing bang on 18 months though. She had very little words and would not try and copy new words etc. She is now 23 months and she has about 30 words and has started copying lots we say.

I feel like I lost the enjoyment of her about 6 months ago because I obsessed over things like her not pointing or her not understanding enough language etc. I'm glad I was aware of it as we played with her more and stopped tv etc to try and bring her on and it helped. But, I feel like we are almost too aware at times. I wish I had just relaxed a bit more and enjoyed her. She's wonderful and has such a great personality! I know it's easier said than done though. I had spoken to a speak and language therapist for advice at that point (we have an advice line) and she was not at all concerned. Nevertheless, I continued to worry!

The health visitor came round recently and said he's completely happy with her progress. Maybe your girl needs a little more time, but it's good you're aware that she's maybe going to need a little help from yourself to get there.

Try not to stress too much, phone your health visitor if you have one, and take it from there.

Remember to look after yourself too.

*speech and language therapist!

She reopens the closed book whilst sat on my lap and passes it to me again, it sounds strange writing it but I just know she wants me to read it again if that makes sense from the way she looks at me.

I am going to call my HV again today, I am in England yes. I feel a bit rubbish because some of the things I do wonder if it's because of how I've parented, so whilst ASD is a possibility I can't help wondering if she's slower developing because I've done too much for her if that makes sense - I am a bit of a worrier so I've always fed her to make sure she eats enough, things like getting her dressed I get her clothes and dress her I'd never even asked her to get her shoes for example until I spoke to the HV.

I think I'm just worried because for a while I was working from home with her during lockdown and I'm hoping I haven't hurt her development by not doing as much with her for those couple of weeks!

I guess I just need to know if it's something like ASD or if I just need to be doing more x

I want you to do one thing mama and that is to take away the blame, you are not to blame. If you actually sat her in front of the television for 12h for the last 12 months and then wondered why she isn't developing that's different but a couple of months or not having too much 1-1 will not have caused developmental delay or ASD.

Interact with your child, floor time etc - it sounds like you're doing everything right.

The reading and some of the gesturing sounds brilliant. Take one day at a time, like PP said, it might just even out and she's just taking her sweet time.

Thank you for taking the time to speak to me, I want you to know you've genuinely helped me - I have had a very teary night of blaming myself.

I have no issue with her either taking her time or having ASD - she's honestly the most precious thing in the world and so funny, lovely and her personality is wonderful so it's not as if I'm having a hard time of it or anything like that, I just need to know if I need to be doing more to support her I guess - and that's what's making me a bit upset and feel guilty now, the idea that I may not have been meeting her needs properly.

Thanks again and I'll let you know how I get on with the HV today x

Sending lots of love! Just to let you know, mum guilt is a huge thing. We had a very stressful and demanding day with DS yesterday and he probably watched 1.5h of Peppa - guess who felt really guilty and like she hadn't done enough, me! It's natural but all we can do is do our best x