Mum Guilt - Nursery

[CSMD]

Hi

Just wondering what thoughts are on this.

My little boy is 15 months and has been in nursery full time for 3.5 months. Prior to full time, he went one day a week for 6 months whilst I was on maternity leave.

When we pick him up from nursery he is quiet and subdued. As the evening rolls on, he is in terrible form and just does not seem happy to be home at all. We always thought he loved nursery, he never cries when we drop him off and puts his hands out to the girls, he eats and sleeps well, I get lots of photos where he looks happy and they do plenty of activities with him.

Im having terrible mum guilt about going back to work full time and wonder if its really damaging him being away from us so much. My partner thinks it could be the start of terrible twos but surely way too early? He's not even 18 months. Is it stressing him going between the two places? Has anyone else experienced this?

I could probably reduce my hours at work and often think will I look back and regret not having spent more time with him. I definitely had some pnd and was relieved to return to work but now I feel guilty. I also put him in his own room at 8 weeks and wonder has this caused issues? Perhaps its just early days with the nursery and he will come round in the evenings? We make a massive fuss of him and I don't leave his side when he's home. I just hope he feels secure and loved.

Thanks

Ok,you need to stop it with mum guilt,it’s destructive and unnecessary
Frankly there are enough nursery nay sayers without you self flagellating
Your son is in a safe,regulated environment,you see happy photos,he seems happy

You no what, no one ever says to a man why did you put baby in nursery
But mums are endlessly quizzed,mums get the ohh sad face
And the why have children if you dump them in nursery? criticism

It’s okay to be mum and work, in fact IMO it’s healthy for you and baby

I used nursery FT from 6months, no guilt,no anguish.nadda.none

You need to toughen up to the external pressures you’ll feel as a mum
And regulate the internal pressure you put yourself under

Mum guilt, it’s as bad as you allow it to be. Don’t give it any traction
Be proud of working, proud of being a good role mode, proud of maintaining taking your career

I would question whether he's tired?

They do so much more at nursery than you would do at home, constantly learning and on the go.

What time is his wake up and go to bed times and does he still nap? I would try looking at that first. Also does he have a snack when get gets home, could he be hungry?

My little boy went to nursery full time from 11 months. It was the best thing ever for him. I think nursery enabled his development so much. My youngest is going from January even though I am still off work because I want him to have some opportunity to socialise with other children. I love nursery - but I love my little boys nursery for them. You have to be confident that the nursery is the right fit!

Try not to think on it too much. Is your gut instinct that he's having a good time whilst he's actually there? If so that's the most you can do. I'll be honest my gut instinct was that the first cm I sent mine too just weren't giving her what she needed so I did move mine and she now seems much happier in a nursery and I'm as confident as I can be that she's happy there. It sounds like your LO is quite happy at the nursery itself so you're probably doing what you can. Most of us do have to go to work whether we like it or not so we have to try and not feel too guilty. I agree with pp that he might just be knackered after a long day at nursery. I would bring him a bit of a drink and something to eat to have in the car/buggy home as that reinforces that you're still there to meet his needs and then I'd keep it low key when you get home with lots of snuggles and books or even dare I say it a bit of TV Mine still whines that she doesn't want to go to nursery a year after starting even though she has a great time when there so you have to take it with a pinch of salt but just be vigilant of any signs that he isn't happy whilst he's there. It's hard I know but I promise it gets easier xx

How is his sleep at nursery? He may be tired?

My little girl was like this and we found that it was a combination of hunger and tiredness so now we always take a snack for the car journey home and then a chilled evening and early night in nursery days.

Thanks everyone xx