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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Terrible twos? Is this the beginning.

19 replies

VeronicaMars · 21/10/2007 14:56

I feel like I am being slapped very hard in the face. DD was a dream baby after she turned one she was really sick with an ear infection and it seemed to be the beginning of bad sleep paterns, often wakes during the night and comes into our bed. I can cope with this it's not a problem.
But now at 22 months she is like a different child (although still as cute) we have food issues and she just doesn't do what she's told. Feel like I'm doing it all wrong.
Just wondering how do you discipline a toddler? All advice welcome....

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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CarGirl · 21/10/2007 15:11

At 22 months they "don't do as they're told"??????

Usually I ask mine to do something/explain what we are doing

"time to get in the car because.......", ""time to go upstairs and change your nappy............"

if she doesn't happily comply with my plans then it's

"we're getting in the car now" I pick her up and carry her out to the car.

sometimes she's cross about it other times not.

Only my eldest who had exceptional speech by 15 months could be reasoned with.

lucyellensmum · 21/10/2007 15:17

welcome to toddlerhood

I think expecting a 22 month old to do as she is told is a big ask to be honest. But it is frustrating nevertheless. I think it is about chosing your battles, what are your food issues for one? Are there triggers for her bad behaviour. Of course all of this is her establishing her "self" she is just realising she has choices and it is frustrating that she can't get a full handle on what is going on. She sounds lovely to me.

I guess there are times when you have to "discipline" them, but i haven't a clue about that - my little girl is 2.2 and definately has a "naughty" streak in here. She knows it too. Most of the time it is very funny, but there are times when you think, please just give me a bloody break.

I guess sorting the sleep patterns might be a starting point, im not the best to give advice there as DD didnt stop coming into our bed until she was 2 either.

Original poster

VeronicaMars · 21/10/2007 15:18

Sorry you're right I don't mean 'do as she's told' in that way.
We have always had a lead up to anything that's happening ie Pjs, dinner, bath/shower or whatever and everything was plain sailing. The problem now is that there is no reasoning or coaxing her. She has her mind set and that's it. Her speech has been very good since early on and maybe that's what made everything easier but now it's like she on strike!
At home it's not as big a deal but out and about it's becoming a problem.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 21/10/2007 15:20

Have you tried offering her 2, acceptable to you choices, eg Mummy put the pj's on or dd do it herself??

That is a tactic that often works.

lucyellensmum · 21/10/2007 15:22

i would also agree with car girl, i try persuasion, but sometimes you just have to pick them up and deal with the kicking and screaming. DP doesnt quite get this and could be there "reasoning" all day if i let him.

I think you have to also learn to let things go sometimes as well, DD often wants to wear the most riduculous combination of clothes and will paddy if not allowed, so does it really matter if she is wearing spots with stripes if i means a bit of peace and quiet, that sort of thing.

CarGirl · 21/10/2007 15:24

I would seriously limit the reasoning/coaxing to one or possibly 2 attempts and then you do it and face the music of their reaction.

lucyellensmum · 21/10/2007 15:27

i totally sympathise with the out and about thing. My DD wants to walk everywher at the moment, but her idea of walking is a few steps, bend down to pick up speck of "treasure" on the pavement, generally meander and dawdle along the road. Thats ok when on a leisurely walk, but not when trying to get somewhere. I find blackmail works sometimes, but shes getting wise to that now. I've also tried that for bedtime etc, or if she wont get dressed, "oh, dont you want to go to the park then" to be told "NO" even thought she has been mithering to go all morning.

Drives you mad, you are not alone, its a sign of good development. The speech thing helps, my dd has speech delay and she often tantrums due to frustration, i am lucky as she is fairly even tempered but also a bit spoilt and im sure that is going to come back and bite my bum soon.

Original poster

VeronicaMars · 21/10/2007 15:29

Hi Lucy. She is lovey
The food issues started about four weeks ago. She's had a really bad kidney infection and she is mostly over it now but dinner is a no go. My doctor says it's nothing to do with her being sick and that some toddlers just get picky at a certain age. She will eat certain snacky food but nothing else.
Lol at the 'naughty streak' that's exactly what it seems to be and although I have to turn away sometimes in case she sees me trying not to laugh I still worry that I'll wake up some day with a crazy little four year old who doesn't understand 'no'.
She's not even two and the thoughts of 'discipline' at that age is scary becaue she is still a baby. A baby who knows exactly how to get her own way

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Original poster

VeronicaMars · 21/10/2007 15:36

The buggy is a real issue at the moment. And like you I don't mind the walks around the park but today I went shopping and by that I mean I ran to Next and Marks to get clothes that are badly need for her. I even tried the 'will mommy get you a baloon?' Only to be told 'No'. What child doesn't want a baloon??
Cargirl the two options sound good, I might try it with pjs tonight. Dh does reason with her until the cows come home.
I also got a sympathetic look from another mother when she heard dd say 'I walk, no hold hand, go away' as her little angel sat quietly in her buggy!!

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CarGirl · 21/10/2007 15:59

dd4 does the walking thing she is okay but won't hold my hand or onto the buggy mainly because the 3 older ones don't and as far as she is concerned she is at least 4 instead of just 2!!!!!

I even had to add extra clips to my bugaboo harness to stop her escaping.

The joys of parenthood................

Original poster

VeronicaMars · 21/10/2007 16:01

Lol I was thinking of getting one of those clips that goes around her wrist and mine. Are they awful? I always think of a dog lead when I see them! But I think I'll have to...

OP posts:

CarGirl · 21/10/2007 16:03

yes that or reins - they usually object to either but you can then offer the choice of reins or hold my hand!

CarGirl · 21/10/2007 16:03

or from now on hold my hand or sit in the buggy - you have to be very consistent but she will learn in the end that you mean it.

lucyellensmum · 21/10/2007 16:11

but the better developed child wants to walk!!! So her compliant little angel in the buggy clearly isnt as stimulated and independent as our little angels. Shopping with toddlers is a nightmare isnt it, i hate it. My DD is not wanting to hold hands eitehr, she will just about do it when crossing the road, but only then because i tell her the cars will squash her flat!

Ive done the knee in tummy thing with the buggy too, always smile to myself as a friend described having to do this as well.

Why is it that DH/DPs just totally dont get that giving them their own way all the time is making a rod for our own backs, oh yeah, cos they are out at work all day, having a life, and we are home dealing with the rod THEY have made for us

wulfricsmummy · 21/10/2007 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

VeronicaMars · 21/10/2007 22:18

DH went to get a few bits in the shop this evening and brought our little monkey with him. He turned around for a second and when he turned back she was gone. He found her around the corner with a grin on her face because she had played a trick on her daddy
Thanks for your posts I'm glad to know she is very normal. God what will I be posting when she's 16?!
Btw she ate a full dinner tonight and two yogurts, I distracted her with money!

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lucyellensmum · 22/10/2007 15:12

oh dear, its all down hill from now on in, the only difference between monetary distractions between now and when she is 16 is the amount!!!

Today i let dd walk to the town, and in the town, was more or less at her mercy, then i took a look at myself in the shop window trying to cajole dd out of the shop, picked her up and put her in her buggy, she cried all the way home, but we got home quicker - but i rather wonder if the extra time would have been worth it.

Original poster

VeronicaMars · 22/10/2007 15:22

DD has been a complete dream today, good as gold and held my hand all the way through the village.
She then watched her much loved Dora cartoon and looked like a complete angel when I peeped in at her.
She came into the kitchen two minutes later with a Crayon and told herself off for writing on the fireplace. I nearly pmsl because she really gave herself a right telling off. I couldn't hid the fact that I found it funny!

OP posts:

lucyellensmum · 22/10/2007 17:49

VM - that is so cute, im glad you had a good day today

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