Behaviour strategies for 3 year old

[ThatGirl82]

I have a 3 year old DD and she is generally pretty well behaved and I'd say an 'easy child'. But naturally she likes to test boundaries sometimes, and can be stubborn.

Current issues are her not getting into bed at bedtime, we have a nice bedtime routine ending with me reading her two stories in bed, giving her a kiss and telling her to snuggle down, but she has started refusing and getting out of bed saying she isn't tired (she is, she has a busy day at nursery and no nap). I then just switch her light off and say I'm going downstairs and will come up to kiss her when she is settled, thinking it's best to ignore it. She then messes around going in and out of her room and rattling the stairgate. I tend to lose my patience quite quickly as I'm keen to have dinner and enjoy my evening, and I've got into the habit of telling her she won't have such and such the next day if she doesn't get into bed (last night I used the advent calendar which felt mean) She either just accepts that and carries on with messing around, or gets upset and then needs lots of attention to calm down and get into bed.

Similarly, she is in the habit of coming into our room in the middle of the night and getting into bed with us for a cuddle. Usually I can let her settle for a bit and then persuade her to get back into her bed, I'll cuddle her for a bit and then go back to bed myself. But sometimes she refuses to leave our bed, so we are all kept awake. And I end up desperately thinking of a bribe to use to encourage her back to bed, last night I promised we would make a smoothie in the morning if she went back, which we don't really have time for but I just wanted to go back to sleep!

Anyway, it's a long post for what is really not a big issue, but I am annoyed with myself for getting into the habit of either threatening to take things away from her or bribing her with treats the next day to get her to do what I want. I'm wondering if anyone can suggest better strategies (sticker charts only work briefly)? Thank you!

Also, I did out paragraphs in that but they disappeared!

Have you tried the supernanny method? When they get out of bed the first time you lead them back and say "it's time for bed darling". Next time you say something shorter like "it's bedtime", then next time they get up you say nothing and just lead them back. First night you might be doing it all night like thirty times. Subsequent nights should get shorter, until eventually they don't bother getting up. It sucks when they get up to come to your bed in the middle of the night but you have to do the same thing again, even though you really don't want to get up. Eventually the hard work should pay off. You could also combine with a groclock, and the first time in a night when you lead them back when you can say more you could say "there's still stars on your clock, that means it is time for sleep".

Thank you @auntyjack I haven't ever really looked into methods but that rings a bell. She is very stubborn and I suspect that when I try to lead her back to bed she will just pull away from me and say no. But it is worth a try. I definitely need to have more patience in the evening as I don't want her to get upset before bed when I get cross and say she can't have something the next day. I will start with the evenings and maybe try the middle of the night at the weekend as I try to avoid her having a tantrum as it just wakes us all up even more. She does have a gro clock already so I'll mention that when I take her back to bed.

Is it maybe possible to read her stories until she falls asleep? if she is tired it will be hard for her to stay awake for 20-30 min of stories while lying down in bed - that always worked for me.

@aladdinMum I hadn't thought to try that as tend to stick to our rule of two stories, also prefer her to fall asleep on her own (as waking in the night and wanting us is another issue!). But maybe I need to read longer, calmer stories to try and get her really settled and sleepy 🤔