Where do you go for help with behaviour?

[summerlovin05]

I am struggling with my 4 year old’s behaviour. Inconsolable “tantrums”. I have tried following tips from various parenting books to no avail. Someone suggested she may be on the autism spectrum but I don’t think she has a special need because she doesn’t behave badly at nursery. So it’s something we’re doing wrong at home. It’s getting out of hand and really upsetting my 10 year old too now. Are there people out there like “Super Nannies” who could help? Or family therapists? I’m considering going to my GP about it but I imagine that will lead to a referral that would take months to amount to anything. We really need intervention sooner rather than later.

Behaving at Nursery doesn't rule out ASD, especially in girls.

I'd have a good read up on how ASD presents in girls then speak to your GP.

There's a concept around "dropping the mask" once at home. I've had this explained to me by a friend so I want to point out I'm not sure of the "scientific Accuracy" to this but it makes a lot of sense
Nursery is exhausting and she's kept her feelings reigned in all day, so when she gets home she's ready to pop. You're her safe space so she can let it out with you.

Thanks both. Has anyone got experience of going to the GP about something like this? How do you explain the situation to the GP without making the child feel bad about themselves?

You don't have to take her to the GP for the initial consultation. Could you video her on a meltdown instead?

Ok thanks, I’ll go without her. I have tried taking video without her noticing but so far she has caught me.

I'd recommend the book How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen. Regardless of whether she is on the AS or not, as the strategies work for children on the spectrum and not.

Is it a HCP who's suggested she may be autistic?

I agree have a read and see if you think any of the traits fit. It is also normal for a 4 year old to have tantrums.

This lady does online workshops and also 1-1 consultations. www.lorrainelee.org/ We have found her very knowledgeable & helpful over the years. Presumably there are other similar people around.

You could ask at 10yo's school office if they know of any parenting courses? Our school sometimes advertises them to parents. Or check council website?

Thanks for all the suggestions. I’ve read How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen. The scenarios don’t fit ours exactly but I’ll read it again.

Spoke to GP today who doesn’t think it’s ASD but she’s going to research possible sources of help in our area. Meanwhile I’ll explore all the avenues posted above. Thanks all 🙏

OP my 4 year old has massive meltdowns every day. She will lash out and start hitting, kicking, biting and shouting that she hates us. It breaks my heart. I am starting to wonder if she is on the spectrum. Like your child she is perfectly behaved at school.

I'm not really sure what to do so at the moment am keeping a diary of her behaviour.

@theneverendinglaundry sorry you’re going through it too. I’ve also been keeping a diary. That’s tough in itself - reliving the trauma when I’d rather forget about it. Our meltdowns are almost daily. Even when she’s not having a meltdown, we’re constantly walking on eggshells trying to avoid anything that will trigger her.

Gosh yes walking on eggshells here too. It's hard work having to constantly predict her mood and how she may react to things.

She has always been like this. She did not talk until she was two and a half (only 3-4 words before then). She, what looks to me, stims when she is tired - she lays on the floor and tenses her leg muscles. Shes done this since she was 6 months old! However she is very sociable and appears to have no problems at school.

Sorry to hijack your thread!

Not a hijack - it’s useful to hear of other’s experiences.

I keep hearing that girls often don’t get diagnosed until they’re teens. It’s sad to think they have to suffer for that long because they don’t present symptoms in the same way as boys. I will continue to read more about it.