really struggling

[Robin198]

Concerns have been raised about my son since he was a year. He's been late to do every thing. He didn't walk until he was 22 months and at 24 months still doesn't talk. He babbles and uses "dada", "baba" and other sounds but other than referring to dad as "dada' doesn't talk. He has understanding though and will look for something he's lost, put things where you ask him to etc. He can point to body parts and specific animals in books. He has good social skills- eye contact, gestures, smiles and laughs appropriately etc He is in nursery which he loves and is under a paediatric consultant. Aside from speech delay he has very slow growth (currently being investigated for growth hormone delay) and still puts everything in his mouth- stones, paper, toys...

I'm really struggling as I'm an early years worker and feel as if I should have done better even though I know I couldn't have done any more. I read to him multiple times a day, do face to face talking, talk to him all the time (my day is complete with a running commentary) and he's in a fantastic nursery.

My mental wellbeing is taking a real battering as I'm struggling with not having any answers or even a direction to be pushing in. I've cut contact with friends who have children of similar ages and the comparison is too painful. There is at least a 12 month delay- he presents as a 1 year old.

My question for anybody who has experienced similar is when does 'development delay' become 'learning difficulty'? Also, for those of you who have been through similar experiences- what helped you cope with not knowing what to do next?

I'm so sorry that you are feeling like this.

I haven't got any experience but hopefully someone will be along soon

Hi, that's good that his receptive language and social skills are good. My DS is now 7. He didn't walk until the age of two and had limited speech. He has had issues with growth hormones too. By the age of 4, I was often receiving compliments from strangers about his speech as he was then wearing 18-24 month old clothing and his speech had come on a lot in the intervening years so he appeared to be a v advanced toddler.

We had support from Portage and I think learning Makaton helped his speech come on. He never signed v much but I think it helped his confidence.

Has he had his hearing checked? I assumed that my son's speech delay was part of his general delays but it turned out that he also had glue ear. After he had his first set of grommets he became much more confident about communicating.

I'm going through this now myself. I have no advice but completely understand how you feel.

My little boy is 16 months. He also presents like a 12 month old. I'd say 9-10 months in his understanding though. I've just started the process of getting support. He's been referred to portage as well. We've had s conversation with salt and they recommended doing activities which I already do which was demotivating but still support.

I absolutely hate seeing other children his age and younger. I hate going to baby groups. It's all just a reminder that he's behind.
I feel out of control and I can't do anything to help him. Its crushing. I'm still at the early stage of recognising there is going to be a significant delay so I'm still grieving for the parent I could have been and life I could have had with him. This is all melodramatic and he could be completely fine but this is how I'm feeling now. I'll get better over time I know I will and we'll work it out together as a family so that gets me through today.

Totally happy to PM if you'd like xxx

@Crechendo 16 months is very young and even a month at that age can make a huge difference. I thought my little boy was very behind at that age. He didn't start pointing until 16.5 months. He's probably still a bit behind on communication but he just passed all of his 30 month development checks OK.

I don't know about the delay side of things, but please don't cut yourself off from your friends with children. I understand how this may make you compare, but you are anyway. Explain to them how you feel and his needs. Having him mix with children his age is a great experience, especially for you to see them together. It'll be good for you too