HELP- pretty nasty behaviour from 2.10 ds

[aaarrrggghhh]

I don't normally post, just lurk, but ds' behaviour is really upsetting me at the moment. He is 2.10 and I also have ds2 aged 4 months. Since a few weeks after ds2 was born, ds1 has started pushing other children (with some force I might add). I initially was quite strict with him about it and he got a stern telling off...that didn't stop it so for the past 6 weeks or so I have tried the positive approach- 'remember to be gentle etc', distracting him, trying to intervene before he goes for somebody, just picking him up and cuddling him instead and gently telling him it ain't nice! This isn't working either, infact he's getting much worse. He pulls other children's hair, pushes his head against theirs (hard), kind of wiggles his fingers right in their faces or floors them and tries to crush them- I AM DESPAIRING. It all seems quite malicious/ nasty. Can anyone offer me any advice? I know there is the new baby factor plus his speech is pretty poor for his age too and when other children talk to him, he just seems irritated as he can't really converse with them. Today I have resolved to just not socialise him for a while as I can't cope with this any longer. Very sad I know and probably won't help him but am stuck for ideas to say the least!! Please help

Sounds very normal to me, his frustration is coming out in aggression as he can't verbalise how he feels about new baby.
My dd1 was lovely when I had dd2 but the malicious behaviour towards her kicked in when baby was 4 mo and went on until she was walking, (when she was crawling she would sit on her back and pull her hair !) I was horrified at this behaviour too, but it soon passed, as they both got older.
Just keep explaining why it is wrong, give as much love and attention to him as poss, and I wouldn't stop socialising even though its embarrassing.

normal normal (but hard work and stressful) my ds2 was like this about 6 months ago. I took him out of playschool and we just kept our heads down for a while, socialising only with good friends who wouldnt freak if ds clonked their kids as they knew i was trying to address it. consistancy, letting him know its not on and just waiting for a bit of maturity worked in our case - he is now happily settled in playschool in the mornings and whilst still a little, er, exhuberant, is fine. hth

I am not at all happy about the strategy of not going out. But on the other hand, I'm fed up of coming home upset and having ds upset other children up to 10 times in a couple of hours. He is lovely to the baby apart from when he is really screaming, which I can understand. It really is other children that he lashes out on and it just seems to get worse.

I try to give him as much quality time as possible. Sometimes we are ona play date and ds2 is asleep the whole time but this doesn't seem to effect his behaviour with other children.

moopymoo- that does sound similar. I hear you on the maturity front! He is so good when we just stay at home with no visitors even if I am feeding ds2. Almost too good though, as if he is a little depressed and accepting of the situation :/

Normal normal normal. Only 16m between our two ds's but the nursery told us ds1 was doing all this behaviour shortly after the arrival of ds2. I think its a boy thing trying to re-assert their top doggieness when a new boy arrives on the scene. Its passed, and the nursery were quite matter of fact when they told us about it, saying 'oh its normal when a new baby comes at home'. We rewarded good behaviour and educated him as best as we could that the aggresive stuff to other children was not acceptable.
Now DS2 is nearly as big as him so he often gets a taste of his own medicine...

He's just started pre-school so I'm hoping you're right psychobabble. If nothing else, he may get a taste of his own medicine being around older children!