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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

8mo screams as soon as i put him down - friends suggested learned behaviour?

26 replies

peskipixie · 19/10/2007 16:24

he is fine as soon as i pick him up so its not that he wants anything other than to be carried and fed 24/7.

friend said her hv told her they can learn 'ive been put down so now i must cry' and advised her to leave him to scream. but its making my head vibrate and i dont really like doing it. but he screams and screams and screams, the house looks like a bomb has hit it, i cant do anything with the other kids and im getting quite depressed.

he has always been a high maintenance baby but things improved after about 4 months, then 3 weeks ago he got a cold and has been like this since. he doesnt like dh, its no better getting him to hold him than putting him down.

please?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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coby · 19/10/2007 16:30

Hi There,

This is EXACTLY what I have gone through with both my two. My (youngest )nearly 18 month old is doing this to me right now and it is really getting to me. I can't do anything, cook, go to the loo, play with my older one and it really does get you down doesn't it?

I have to let me youngest scream as best I can and sometimes she screams so much she makes herself sick but I can't just carry her around all day.

I would think you might find that the problem will go away for a while after the cold has fully cleared up. Mine is worst when tired, teething, nappy rash, cold etc

majorstress · 19/10/2007 16:31

If I was SURE in my own mind he was over his illness (no temperature rashes or other unusual symptoms), I would put him in a safe place, i.e. a cot, and go as far away in the house as possible. TBH I wouldn't pick him up again until he STOPS screaming. I always did this with dds, as long as I thought they weren't possibly actually unwell.

This is because I am a cow, but your other DCs deserve a look in and it's time to sort him out now he's better. IMO.

Think of it as your responsibility to care for the whole family including you, not as cruelty to ds.

bealcain · 19/10/2007 16:33

as you've said Peskie he stops when you pick him up, so put him down at all....my DS2 is the same, so i use a sling....invaluable. i can get on with everything and he's happy and content. because it makes them more content and secure being near mummy all te time, when you put them down in the evening to sleep, they should go off better. that's what my BW friends have found

coby · 19/10/2007 16:36

bealcain - what type of sling do you use? I have found it a big strain on my back etc when I tried one but with No3 on way I think I'll have to give it another go....

.....that said, DD1 & DD2 will be very upset if mummy carries no3 around all day I think

LIZS · 19/10/2007 16:41

Separation anxiety can kick in until about 18 months or longer. Some get over it quicker than others. Try to keep within sight for time being and then return, gradually going to another room but talkign etc. Can he crawl yet as he may be better once he can follow you.

Tapster · 19/10/2007 17:07

get an ergo sling doesn't hurt your back. Carry him around for 2 weeks, then gradually wean him off the sling.

MaeBee · 19/10/2007 17:18

hi,
disagree with hv: leaving a desperate child to scream isn't exactly helpful to child OR parent!
am sure you have tried a lot of things, but in case these aren't among them!:
make sure you don't put him down and stand straight up again, cos that could give the impression you are leaving. take time. put both of you on the floor, him on your lap, read a book, look at some toys.
after a few minutes try and move away a little, just nearby. tell him what you are doing if he seems worried. "just putting the kettle on" and stick to it, DON'T sneak out the room or anything.
so you kind of carry on like this. my 12 mth old will now play a fair bit of the time whilst i can get on with stuff, but i had to do this with him all the time first.
anything you can do at floor level, do, like folding laundry etc.

Original poster

peskipixie · 19/10/2007 17:23

thanks for replies, it helps just knowing im not alone! you think you have it sussed by no.4 but i have never had one like this before!

i have many slings and he is carried all the time except for cooking and when i need to do stuff with the other kids or something i cant do with him in the sling. back carrier wouldnt work as my kitchen is so small if i turned round he would be over the cooker! he isnt always ok if i am in sight, sometimes its fine but it limits what i can do as im confined to one roomso getting drinks etc is really tough. ive tried every kind of baby containing device going and it just isnt working

majorstress what age were your kids when you started this and how long did it take for them to stop? i really hate this option but its looking like the only one. im supposed to be going out tonight (2nd time this year!) and i just know getting ready is going to be so stressful i wont want to go

OP posts:

SharpMolarBear · 19/10/2007 17:27

me too with this, except luckily no other children. DS is 6 mo, he howls while i have a shower, put the bins out etc.

coby · 19/10/2007 17:36

peskie - I hope you do manange to go out tonight.

I have been through this too is and I know that if I get some time to myself it helps me cope with the clinginess (for a little while at least ). Mine won't go to DH either so it is a huge strain for me (and for him too as he can't do anything to make it better)

I think some children are just more prone to being like this, but I think it is pretty unusal for them to be like it constantly - so hopefully you will get a break from it for a while.

majorstress · 19/10/2007 17:43

erm, I never carried them about all day, they both were very heavy and I had a slipped disc and PND. I chose when to pick them up and had to do it carefully, I ended up having spinal surgery.

So I think they were not used to being picked up just for screaming. I picked them up to get their lunch, go out, do something-there was an object to the exercise, not just to turn down the volume!

So maybe I can't advise you well after all-but I am just saying what I would do myself.

I think I would try to choose a "good" moment to do it-morning better, after he is fed changed etc. and feeling comfy.

My dds are happy and contented people who don't seem mentally ill (unlike mum).

I realise all kids are different, dd2 never screamed much, she was contented looking at mobiles etc. DD1 used to fuss more, she's never been into toys, I did carry her around in the worst part of the evening for about 30 minutes.

majorstress · 19/10/2007 17:44

good luck getting a break, you know most mums take some sometimes, there's no shame in it.

bealcain · 19/10/2007 18:15

Coby - i use many! i've got a maya ring sling, which goes on one shoulder. this is good if you;re just quickly popping into supermarket, or for quickly going from car to somewhere else eg, i use mine when going to into m&t groups, coz i find the car seat gets in the way! i also use a moby wrap for longer trips into town or walking as the fabric spreads all over shoulders and back, plus i can wear ds on my back, easier for hanging out washing and seeing to ds1. i'm just trying to buy a woven wrap too as they are bit more versatile for te older baby. i've just dtartd wearing ds1 now too.....thats interesting when i wear them both at the same time!

i dont agree with tapster about weaning him off the sling, that just creates something more for you do....where's the need to wean im off that? how would that help? it;s not solving the original problem of getting him down to sleep!

Peski - have you tied pick up put down? it's a tracy hogg technique that worked well with DS1, if you ned more info on that let me know!

pigletmaker · 19/10/2007 18:43

If he had a could a few wks ago he may have an ear infection - which is horribly painful when put on their backs. Mine had this - a few drops of antibiotics from the Doc cleared it up v v quickly - and screaming stopped.

MaeBee · 19/10/2007 18:48

yes, i would recommend having a read through of Tracy Hogg (Babywhisperer), we did pickup putdown to make our boy sleep.
but really, truly, i think a baby that wants attention all the time ISN'T freaky and unusual. imnot saying it isn't totally frustrating, but they do go through clingy periods and come out of it (in cycles rather than linear i would guess) and it drives you mad but it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong!
a baby crying cos it's mother has gone away doesn't mean its an unhappy or difficult baby. so don't get too stressed about it. these times will pass.

fizzbuzz · 19/10/2007 21:24

m really sorry for hijack here, but have to say something to Maebee, who posted on my desperate thread a week or so ago

We did as you suggested re PU/PD and walk in/walk out re BW....and it seems to have had some effect. After 6 months of hell she settles much much easier.

Soooo take note of what Maebee says. She talks sense

Original poster

peskipixie · 20/10/2007 09:06

i bought that book when he was about 3 months old and doing this, didnt think about it til you have all just recommended it! lots of good advice, much appreciated. i know it wont last, i keep repeating that to myself over and over lol. he is no 4 and i keep saying if he had been no 1 there would only have been him! have never known a baby like him grrrr

OP posts:

christywhisty · 20/10/2007 09:23

My son went through a stage of crying everytime we put him down, when he was 8 months. It was actually frustration. It was few weeks before he learnt to comando crawl (never learnt to crawl properly). Once he could pull himself along he was fine.

His development type was that he seemed miles away from a development milestone, then the next day he would be an expert at it. But in the lead up we would have 2 or 3 weeks of crying and general unhapppiness, then one day he would wake up and mastered a new skill and he was happy baby again (even until he was 7 or 8 it was noticeable)

Jojay · 20/10/2007 09:33

My ds - 11 months - gets much clingier when he's not feeling well, or is in pain.

IIWY I think I'd take him to the docs to rule out an ear infection etc.

Also, my ds shows no other signs of teething except being clingy and grumpy - he'll be like this for a few days and then a tooth will appear. Could that be the problem?

Once you've rules out physical discomfort, then I agree, Tracey Hogg is the way to go.

MaeBee · 20/10/2007 10:06

oooh fizzbuzz, i am glowing from the praise!
am really glad things seem to be improving for you too, god, lack of sleep is such a killer! now if you have any suggestions on how to stop my dp snoring so i can get some kip...

bealcain · 20/10/2007 10:09

maebee - may have only been joke but what the hey, when DF snores i pinch his nose so he cant breathe. works a treat, they shut up!!!!

majorstress · 20/10/2007 10:14

sew buttons into the back of his sleepwear so he doesn't lie on his back to sleep

SharpMolarBear · 20/10/2007 14:32

christywhisty that's interesting
DS is similar and currently trying to crawl. When he learned to roll he had been v grouchy just before, after that he was fine again

fizzbuzz · 20/10/2007 17:13

I find kicking dp hard, or waking him up to tell him to stop snoring usually works

Alas dd "regressed" big time last night...knackered again.....

Original poster

peskipixie · 20/10/2007 19:07

have flicked through baby whisperer, and underneath that i found a copy of no cry sleep solution aswell, cant believe i forgot about these! have also bought a womb sounds cd off ebay so hopefully something will work!

my mum makes my dad wear nasal strips for snoring she says they are wonderful

OP posts:

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