Toddler KEEPS hitting baby. I'm at my wits end!!

[Ummumm]

My ds1 who is 2 and a half just keeps hitting my 8 week baby. I feel like I've tried all the methods, I've been loving towards him just reassuring him we love him etc. I've tried just saying no and telling him off, I've also tried time out for two minutes.

I feel like the worst thing is he'll say he wants to hug the baby, kiss the baby which he will and then suddenly punch him or slap him. He tries is a lot throughout the day and I usually manage to protect him. But he does tend to get him at least once a day and I feel horrible for my little one.

I'm at my wits end, I really am. I just don't know what to do anymore, how I should approach it. I get so angry when he does it and it's only 9.30 and he's already managed to smack him on his face.

Btw I never ever leave them alone together. But I don't want to keep the baby completely away from him as at the end of the day he's got to get used to it.

Did any of you have these same issues? How did you deal with it? And when does it end?!??

I meant pinch not punch

Does he have a gate on his room? Put him in his room whenever he does it, until he apologises. Or, start to confiscate toys. He clearly knows what he's doing, as he asks to hug or kiss them, and it sounds like he's doing it to find the opportunity to smack.
I wouldn't let him hug or kiss until he gets over the habit of hurting the baby.

We have a 45 month old and 15 month old twins. When they were born our bb screamed in the care of my sister and became very distressed generally. When the twins came home he would find a way of sloshing them on the head or slumping on their tummies lifting them up, scratching them bitting them and jumping into their next to me cots. We were at our wits end becauae all we ever seemed to be saying was we love you darling youre so special but no darling play nicely be gentle and asking for him to say sorry. By the time it wss 9pm I used to sit in our tv armchair and just sob because of all the nos i had to tell my little boy. We mentioned it to our nursery and while they were super sympathetic did not give me any tangible ways forward. They asked if i needed advise from my local councils family help which we agreed to but my husband and I found this very quickly to be non specific invasive and overall time wasting. I guess its the shock of not being the only one anymore, our lo wants to help now and says "my twins" when he gives them their night milk. He still pushes them out of the way and wrestles with them but things have got a lot better. Find special times to share with your 1st born. Give him a responsibility and most of all shower constant love and oraise. It does get better just keep going. Dont regret not showing him attention for the sake of the baby brcause that in itself will upset you. Hope this helps xx

@livinlavida no he doesn't have a gate. But we have tried giving him time out in his room just not sure how well it's working.

@PhyllisANDtwinsANDwormhunter thanks for the reassuring words. It is hard to get one on one time with my first as the baby hates being put down so I do feel bad for him too. I guess it's another one of those phases that we just have to endure.

I have a 2.1 year old and an 18 week old. We experienced something similar but maybe a little less. My toddler seems to like the baby and is affectionate towards him but then will random swipe at him or clonk him on the head with a toy. Sometimes I think it's just overenthusiastic affection but other times it's definitely malicious. Also, when he's frustrated at me (eg if he's been told off for something ) once or twice he has taken it out on the baby by moving to throw a toy at him or something (I get there first though). I'm pretty sure he's just got conflicted emotions - on one hand he feels affection for his little brother but on the other he is jealous and resents the attention being taken away from him. I've tried to deal with it in these ways

• one, I try hard to give my toddler more attention whenever I have both of them. Luckily the baby is pretty content with playing on his own and watching (for now!) so hopefully by the time the baby is more demanding, my toddler will understand a bit more. If I need to feed the baby etc I make sure the toddler has something fun to be doing so he's occupied and less likely to be jealous.

• two - I've kept my toddler in nursery 3 days a week. This has been helpful because then I can really focus all my attentive on on the baby those three days and feel less guilty about giving most of my attention to my toddler on the days when I have them both.
• three - if he does anything nasty to his brother I say 'no' loudly and firmly, pick him up and carry him across the room, put him down and say 'we don't hurt people'. He usually cries. I ask him if he wants to give his brother w kiss )don't force him) and he usually will. I give the baby a lot of attention immediately after the toddler hurts him.
• four if he's being kind and affectionate I praise him loads and really fuss over him (the toddler) and say well done for being kind to your brother etc.

I have no idea if these are good things but the situation does seem to have improved and I'm gingerly starting to leave them together in the same room while I nip to the toilet etc... Fingers crossed!

I'm in exact same position. Have a 2.5yr old son and 2 week old daughter. My son has hit newborn 4 times in the 2 weeks.

We had been sending him to his room but felt we didn't want to isolate him (he was getting very stressed and upset) so have decided 'time out' for 2 mins a time. Like @surreygirl1987 we move him out of the way (still in the same room as us) and tell him it's not kind to hit. He usually did in a getting or cries and then given the opportunity apologizes eventually. I've noticed he usually gets angry with her when he is tired/hungry or when she cries. Have you noticed any trigger points, and if so, perhaps avoid letting him hug/kiss baby when you can predict he might hit? As soon as our Newborn cries I try to distract him by saying oh so you think she wants milk or perhaps her dummy, etc. I pick her up so he can't attack or take him into the other room to get something out to play.

We are starting a behavioural chart on Monday - purely for not hitting. If he gets 4 stars he will have a treat.

When he gives newborn cuddles and kisses we praise him lots. We also try spending one on one time with him when other is dealing with newborn.

I'm hoping it'll all settle soon. It has got better with time. But he's still very jealous.

Yes in the beginning he was very loving that lasted about a month and then I think the novelty wore off. He is sometimes really sweet with him and kisses and hugs.

I feel like it peaked this week and it's maybe because he hasn't been napping so is probably just overtired so it's not helping.

Think I will just keep at it with the firm no and praises when needed.

This is not a quick solution at all and it'll take time reading the book in the first place. However - Help your child deal with stress and thrive by Dr Stuart Shanker has saved my bacon on several occasions.
The idea is trying to identify the reason behind the behaviour. His 5 -step to self-regulation helps to try and assess the bigger picture e.g. sleep, eating and stimulus which may cause stress behaviour later in the day.

I did a review on the book here - raising2children.com/mum-of-2-book-review-on-help-your-child-deal-with-stress-and-thrive/

but if you google the book it will appear in many online books shops.