Help, just come back from parent's evening

[bumposaurus]

My middle son's teacher (he's in year 1) has told me that his behaviour is getting in the way of his learning. Apparently he cries every day at school over the slightest thing, says he has no friends and refuses to join in. I am flabbergasted, because he tells me how much he loves school and at home he is always our entertainer and is the cheekiest, cutest kid ever. His older brother is really good at everything he tries and I'm worried that the middle one has given up on everything...any constructive suggestions, because I am at a bit of a loss

Was the teacher not helpful at all, surely they must have some ideas?

She wanted to know what he was like at home and (although he can be a bit dramatic) I couldn't recognise the behaviour - she said she had spoken to his reception teacher who told her that he was a really big character - this seems to be a change since this year. I did suggest it might help if they paired him up with a buddy in his class nad she said she would think about it

Poor you and ds, I havent really got any advice just wanted to post because that would put me at a loss to. Have you tried talking to your ds about it?

do you invite friend over for tea? my ds was comlaining about not having friends and when i spoke to his teacher she said he was one of the most popular boys in the class so she didnt understand. i think the problem was he was friends with everyone but didnt have a particular best friend or group of friends. a few invites later he has a lovely little group and is much happier

bumposaurus, if he wasn't like this in reception, I reckon he's tired. It's a really big leap to year 1 - ds1 was SHATTERED when he went into year1, as they are suddenly into Key Stage 1 work, and much less 'playing' time in the classroom. Ds1 is very dramatic and also sensitive, and when he is tired he can be very weepy and withdrawn.

The other thing is that if he has always found things easy, perhaps he doesn't want to fail and so doesn't try? Dd is a bit like that - she is a perfectionist and also very bright, so she would rather not join in something than try and potentially get it wrong.

I'm sure he will be fine, and will settle into year 1 in his own time. Could you arrange one or two play dates over half term? Does he have particular friends from reception? Ds1 has been firmly entrenched with his best friend almost from day 1 but I know the friendships evolve as time goes on.

The other thing I found with ds1 was that everyone wanted to play with him, but he was very specific about how he wanted to play his games, and actually excluded himself by being too prescriptive. He's much better about that now (he's year 2 now).

I often come home from parents' eve at a loss and can worry myself sick about something the teacher says, when there's nothing I can do about it.

If there's something happening at school,when I'm not there how am I supposed to deal with it?

Surely if a yr 1 child is upset at school, the school should be finding out why and suggesting what should be done, especially if he's not like it at home. Could you have a chat with your son, to see if he can tell you what's wrong and the have another meeting with the teacher?

Thank you so much. The playdate suggestion is a brilliant one, as his good friends from the nursery attached to the school are all in the other year one class and the classrooms are more separated than they were in reception. Tiredness is interesting too, but he does seem to be responding to the academic challenges. What makes it difficult is that I work full time, so I'm not plugged in to the school network, so perhaps I should try and make the time to be more involved.

I'm just worried, because I have suffered from shyness all my life, and I don't want him to have to deal with it as well. I'd like to find a way to nip it in the bud now, because he really is the most fabulous funny kid.