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Any advice appreciated - 2.9 yr old attention seeking and sleep problems since new baby arrived

5 replies

my2weegirls · 16/10/2007 12:05

Hi - I have 2 DD's one is 2.9yr and the other is 10 weeks. Since DD2 arrived DD1's behaviour has gone down hill - even yesterday her childminder said she was glad to see me .

We thought we'd done a lot to prepare DD1 for the new arrival - read lots of books about mummy being pregnant, a new baby, being a big sister etc. we bought a present for DD1 from DD2 and other way round. We also got DD1 lots a doll set so that when mum was feeding, chaging, putting to sleep etc DD1 could do the same with her babies. How being a big sister is good.

We've kept her routine as much as possible - going to childminders 3 days per week. Individual time with mum and dad (try for at least 20mins per day), DP and I swap night about for doing her bath and putting to bed. I try at least twice per week to take her away out somewhere - park, far, shops etc.

She's a very independent girl (playgroup leaders commented on this 30min after her first session). So we try to let her make suitable decisons.

Some of the unacceptable behaviour she has been doing is hitting and scratching other kids, running away from me when out (so have invested in a wrist strap), screeching non-stop, crying for no apparant reason (last night it was because i was singing!), having to be told about 10 times to do something.

SHe's never been the best sleeper, however, when she moved to her big girls bed she never once woke up during the night. Now however, she's taken to waking at the back of 4am and it's a struggle to get her back to sleep. When she wakes she shouts for me - if i don't go into to her she then screams and will keep this up for 30min to an hour. If i go into her then she wants me to read a story, is hungry, thirsty, needs the toilet etc eventually i then leave and she screams.

She adores her new sister, gives her lots of cuddles and kisses (though i don't trust her enough to leave them alone for a second).

Anyway - please tell me it gets easier???sorry for long post but any advice would be gratefully appreciated!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
kindersurprise · 16/10/2007 13:13

It sounds like you have done as much as you could to prepare her for the arrival of her little sister. Perhaps she just needs more time to get used to the new family dynamics.

Would it help if you let her assist you in caring for her sister? Asking her to pass you a nappy, help to bath DD2 etc.

My DD is 5 and still crys for no apparent reason, or just because she did not get her own way. As for telling her 10 times to do something, I do think you might have to get used to that, I can not see it gettign better. My most uttered phrase at the moment is "how often do I have to tell you to... "

The only thing that helps when DD is screaming and crying is leaving her for a few minutes and telling her that I am not listening to her until she calms down. (Obviously not if she has hurt herself, just when she is crying because she did not get her own way)

Otherwise, I would just carry on as you are doing and hope that she settles.

my2weegirls · 16/10/2007 13:47

thanks kindersurprise - i suppose i just thought that things would have started to settle down by now - it's hard work! fortunately DD2 is a content wee thing (so far anyway [fingers crossed]).

will try letting DD1 help more with her sister to see if that helps.

think i just needed a rant as well...

OP posts:
sloppysoupdragon · 19/10/2007 09:27

Hi my2weegirls

when ds arrived my dd was a complete nightmare for about 3 months, I think what we tried to do (with plenty of advice from friends and family) was to try and get her to see that it was the behaviour that we did not like but we still loved her as a person. We tried to make her feel really special by taking her out and making a big fuss of her. It was after we treated her to a really big birthday party and she saw me working really hard to make her day fantastic that she improved almost overnight and has been great ever since. I did wonder if she would ever improve though.

I'm no use to you on the sleeping front though - sorry about that

One bit of info I did find really useful was that the feelings of an elder sibling when a new baby arrives are similar to if your partner were to bring a new girlfriend to come and live with you all and expect you to all get on!

MunkyNuts · 30/10/2007 15:42

My DD is 2.6 and was 18 months old when DS was born. She took to banging her head on the floor whenever she was frustrated which was often. She also cries a lot more than she used to and seeks attention this way. I tried ignoring her and this did seem to help with the head banging but she still cries over very little, and often she wants to be babied. It has got easier now that DS is 1 and they interact and have more fun together but she can still wear me down with the crying. She also took to running off but seems to have outgrown that a bit now. I think it takes a lot of time for them to get used to the new arrival. I´m also for ignoring night time demands, if you must go in, try and keep it quick and be firm. Easier said than done I know, but otherwise you get into an awful repeat pattern every night. Hope it gets easier soon -it is getting easier at our house but its taken a long time and we´ve got a long way to go. Not sure if we´ll ever be completely forgiven for bringing home a new baby!

mrsgonk · 13/11/2007 19:36

my ds is two and three weeks and my newborn dd is three weeks old! ds1 who was a good sleeper is now crying out in the night. if we go to comfort him he calms down immediately but screams again as soon as is he left alone. the only solution so far has been for dh to stay with him til he falls asleep but not sustainable for v. long. also throwing tantrums tons having been tantrum free pretty much before dd born. loves dd so no problems there. just his behaviour with us that we are struggling with. advice appreciated.....!

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