I'm really going off my kid.

[BurningRose]

He's nearly 9. He spends most of his waking life on the Internet or whining or saying he's hungry after refusing half my meals. He's just hard work. Tonight I'm ashamed but I smacked him on the bum after I asked 5 times for him to go to bed and him doing nothing. I'm a single mum and I just feel like sending him to live with his dad. Help.

Are you depressed? This is completely normal 9 year old behaviour I'm afraid.

You have to be the strong one and help him learn better habits. Is he getting enough exersise? Spending quality time with you? Do you ever sit and watch a film with him for example? Go to the park for a walk?

We went to the park tonight for a walk in the dark. However it was a big struggle to get him out.

I'm certainly tired and stressed and perhaps a bit depressed I don't know.
It feels like he's quite controlling and everything is a battle.

I feel terribly guilty as I smacked him on the bum out of frustration. I've done it before too. He seems to trigger me in a way his 5 year old brother doesn't.

The times in which you're living are likely to make things seem worse because of potential isolation. Are you able to see any other people?

9 year olds aren't typically controlling but they can certainly be horrendous...one of mine was very difficult at this age.

Tell him you're very sorry for smacking him...it's really important that you impress on him that it was very wrong of you.

I've told him I'm sorry but I've done it before and I'm worried I will do it again. We are pretty isolated. I never thought I would be the type to smack.

I feel like I am fucking up this whole parenting thing.

There's a moment...a split second before anyone chooses to do anything. You have to note that moment and choose not to smack. It's self-indulgent and doesn't help anyone.

Problem is I don't have that moment!!!!

You do you just haven't noticed it yet. When you next feel like he's driving you mad, prepare in advance...notice yourself losing your temper...it may be when you first raise your voice or it may be when you begin to feel a growing sense of irritation.

Whatever...just be aware that there's a risk of you getting to that point of agression and watch out for it.

Make a concerted effort to handle it differently...so you notice yourself getting annoyed...do something unexpected like bursting into song...it will knock him into reality and surprise him...or do a dance or say "Let's have a cup of tea and watch a film now!"

Just make the choice to move on differently before you get embroiled in arguing and growing anger leading to hitting him.