Assess my management of this situation please - 2 year old

[AllesAusLiebe]

Hi everyone,

DS(2) is trying to dictate which parent performs certain tasks (getting dressed, brushing teeth etc).

I usually find distraction or turning it into a game helps when he's being difficult, but that doesn't seem to be working here.

I've just endured a nearly half hour tantrum simply because he wanted DH to put his nappy on. Here's what I did:

1. Stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for him to walk up while he screamed at me.
2. When he eventually reached his bedroom, I sat on the floor while he rolled around on the floor (still screaming, btw).
3. I sat completely still and didn't give him any eye contact until he calmed down.
4. Eventually, I put his nappy on him when he was calm and then he gave me a hug and said sorry.

He was really distressed and full of snot and tears and it was horrible to watch. I'm dreading having to do similar because to be honest, I'm not known for my patience and I'm not convinced I'll be able to remain calm next time.

So my question is. . . experienced parents what would you have done? Would you give in with this and let the kid decide which parent does certain stuff or is this a battle worth having?

I wouldn’t give in and let him choose which parent does what, but I would also try to empathise with him - “you’re really unhappy it’s me not Daddy doing your nappy. It’s difficult when we can’t have what we want”. For my own mindset I find it helps not to see it as a battle, parent vs toddler, but instead see my son as having a hard time for some reason and me needing to help guide him through that. So I’d probably help him up the stairs if he’s not going willingly, as I find it best to intervene before I get annoyed and impatient so I can stay on his “side”. Then depending on his mood once in his room, either let him get his feelings out like you did but whilst making eye contact if he wants it, or just going straight into the nappy change. When he calms down I’d just carry on as normal. It’s taken a lot of practice to be able to not feel very uncomfortable with my son’s crying and screaming though, it’s hard!