Incredibily clingy 14 month old and new baby due in 6 weeks! I need to sort this now but how?

[Nbg]

Ds who will be 15 months when baby arrives, has always been a huge mummys boy. No one else is good enough. He will scream if he is passed to anyone else, left behind a baby gate or in another room etc.
The only people he will tolerate are dh but even then he will scream if he knows I am near and my mum who for some bizzare reason he is totally ok with.
The rest of the family can forget it. He wont go near anyone else at all.

I think it stems from him being a tiny baby as he had quite severe reflux and was held alot.
(I have Claire Verity in my head now, eurgghhh)

Anyway I have a couple of friends who have little ones. One is the same age as ds and the other is 5 months.
Ds will kick up a real stink if they are sat on my knee or I'm holding them and it will only stop if I pick him up and put down the other child.

I know this has always been quite bad but the other day was a bit of a shock.
I had dd on my knee, having a bit of a cuddle and ds just promptly started attacking her! Smacking her face, grabbing her hair, skin etc and screeching.
All because he wanted her off my knee and he wanted me.

I need to nip this in the bud right now because I cannot see things getting any better when the new baby arrives and if I am successful with BF, the baby will be in my arms alot.

So how do I do it? Has anyone else had this problem and managed to sort it out or did you not sort it and was your baby attacked?

I don't think you can sort it out except for letting it happen in his own time. Cuddle him as much as you possibly can - really try to meet his emotional needs. Children go through clingy periods and get clingier when they're put off. It's likely to pass quicker if you try to do as he needs now. And whatever you do he'll get clingy when the baby's born. See if you can get a really good carrier, like a kari-me, that you can squeeze the baby into and let him/her get on with it so you can focus on your toddler. And get your toddler involved in the baby's care as much as possible.

(((((hugs)))) It's so so hard going through these periods - it will pass.

Agree with Lindenlass absolutely. Give lots of cuddles and reassurance. It is possible to bf a newborn and have another little one on your knee although you might need to practice a bit at first. Also, I swaddled the baby after a feed and put down to sleep and then spent time with the little ones.
He is not much more than a baby himself and still needs you.
As Lindenlass says - It will pass.

It just feels like he has always been like this

well actually he has always been like this. The only thing that has changed is that he is now hitting out.
I cant really give him anymore reassurance than what I do now and plus I also have dd who is 4 and she needs mummy too!

You do just have to ride it out sometimes. I do know how difficult it feels at times but they need you and you have to try to accommodate that need the best you can. I have had 9 children and had smallish gaps at times,too (smallest gap- 15m followed by 16m gap). It is doable and it does pass. Make sure you get plenty of rest when you can and then you will be better able to deal with whatever comes.

You ahve had 9 children????!!!!!!
[faints]

Dear lord

When do you gte your OBE then?

S*d the OBE - I want them all out working and giving me 50%

pmsl

Nbg I'm in the same boat - due in about 8 wks when DS1 will be 15 mths. (not got a DD 1 though).

I have been told that if they're both crying, to go to the eldest first as they will remember if you don't - whereas the new baby wont', obviously. Though I think this is going to be hard and I'll have to do it on a case by case basis. Hunger, injury of just plain tantrum crying and which it might be, and so on.

If its any help, my 13 month old has just started pinching, biting and pulling my hair (no one elses) in frustration / exhaustion and its not taken another child being on my lap to inspire it.

You know I actually disagree with the advice to go to the older one first. Don't ignore the older one but if you don't help the baby to stop crying you're not demonstrating the best way to care for the baby and you're also showing the toddler that you are capable of leaving a baby to cry so might be capable of leaving him to cry too. Although it's hard, I'd take the toddler and carry him to the baby and try and get him to help you sort out the baby. And explain that as soon as the baby's happy you'll be able to play with the toddler so if he helps you everyone will be happy sooner.

I think what bothers me more is the hitting out.
I cant remember dd doing it at all.

I've got a 14m dd who has also started hitting out. DD1 didn't do this, either. Probably because ther was nobody to be jealous of

We pretend to cry when she does it and (sometimes!) she'll stop doing it and cuddle us instead.

If we get hit we hold their hand and say (not shout) sternly 'hitting is unacceptable, please don't ever hit me again' or something along those lines. Ok, that's what we aim to do. To my shame we do find ourselves yelling in anger (and sometimes pain!). However, with our oldest the stage did pass. Punishment doesn't work, I don't think, and can be counterproductive. Sometimes showing a child other ways of expressing his anger can help e.g. 'no, you must not hit! If you're angry, let's punch this cushion together' or some children like 'drawing' their anger with some crayons and endless pieces of paper.

Have you ever read How To Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk? Really, really helped our family.

No I havent read it but I have heard about it.

I do say to him that it is naughty and if I am holding him I put him on the floor.

Try not to say that he is naughty, but that hitting is naughty. Children are very susceptible to self-fulfilling propecy. In very basic terms: a child is often told he is naughty, therefore he believes himself to be naughty, therefore he behaves in a naughty way. This can work both ways, though. Try not to label him at all. If you need to, describe what he's done and explain why it's made you feel a certain way e.g. You've just hit me and hurt me and now I feel very upset and angry with you. Hitting is not an acceptable thing to do. And then leave it at that.