Puberty in boys - what to tell them

[Anna8888]

Yesterday afternoon my partner said that he thought he ought to have a conversation with his 12 year old son (my stepson) about puberty.

Personally, I think he's left it quite late but it's still better to have the conversation later than never. Still, my partner seems incredibly unsure about what to say and how to say it (he suggested taking DSD to a restaurant for lunch... I said I thought that probably wasn't the best place ). Do you think books are a good idea and, if so, what do you think they should cover? Any other ideas?

DSS, of course

Have always found it best to ask the children if there is anything they want to know about the subject, as they tend to ask for as much info as they need at their specific age or stage of development.

I would think that the restaurant idea would eb rather toe-curling for all involved - unless you wanted to use the cruet to demonstrate the mating habits of a particular species.

My parents basically threw a book about puberty into my bedroom, and shut the door behind them, which is another approach!

I'd go with the 'let them ask you' line.

One thing you might want to preempt for the benefit of all concerned is , 'When you go through puberty you will start to smell. Wash. The great smell of lynx alone will not cover it up, it will just make you smell more'

and 'If you wank, be discrete, and clear up after yourself'

I'm with martianb.

There isn't much my DS (11) does not know. Personal hygeine is my current bug.

I also try to emphasize the love, emotion and respect bit too and remind him that when he talks about "girls and wimin" that his sister and mother are in that category!

We have quite a personal hygiene/washing thing going on already with both my stepsons - my partner checks them out and sends them back to the shower if need be.

MB - Good idea on the clearing up after himself after wanking .

actually what I should have typed was when you wank, not if!

My ds1 is twelve and I suppose will be approaching the Big P soon. I think that as far as facts go he is probably reasonably well equipped. It's the emotional understanding that I'm not so sure about: helping him to form a picture of how he should feel about his body, his desires, about women/girls; of how to keep the balance between viewing women/girls sexually and yet also as friends; of how to retain self-confidence at a time of unsettling changes.

I want to have a talk with him, but I'm wary of blundering in and activating the automatic meteor shield that comes down so easily.

Ok..so what age should you broach this subject?
DS2 8 is incredibly naive...he asked me the other day If I'd ever seen daddys willy?????????

Books are good. My dd liked to flick through a book in her own time as certain things only sink in or concern them later on.

However, I know nothing about boy b ooks.

Agree, I wouldn't make it ar all formal by having a special meal. works best if child has brought it up first. If he hasn't, then a fairly brief, informal chat in the house, in private, hand over book (good focus if there's any stiltedness) and then more chats might crop up in the future.

I approach it with dds when 9.

my dc3 does not understand that smelling of sweat and then using anti perspirent is not the right way to go about it

he also showers everyday but never actually appears to clean himself

Anna888 i am all for a full frank and honest approach
i do it on the young side - less embarrassment all round
we are quite open and jokey about puberty etc - my dd calls sex 'secret time'!

ingles2 - LOLOL

No chance of that in our house - we all wander around naked

NotAnOtter - I'm with you and in fact my daughter (2.11) is growing up knowing lots of things. But that's me.

My stepson grew up in a different sort of household. He's pretty well informed about biological facts I think, but totally not there on feelings, how to treat women with respect etc. I'm not at all sure my partner is going to be good at getting those things across - in fact, the more I think about it, the more I know he will find it really hard - I need books. Should probably go to FNAC this pm and get some for my partner to give him.

I guess that's the issue for me...All of a sudden I don't feel that comfortable being naked anymore, there's lots of sniggering, and pointing from my 2 ds's...Anyone recommend a good book for boys...?

[http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_w_h_/026-0121108-6099673?initialSearch=1&url=search-alias%3Daps &field-keywords=lets+talk+about+sex&Go.x=15&Go.y=9&Go=Go these books are good for teenagers and frank]

how nice and unembarressing for your dss anna

NAO, LOL at your amazing showered but still stinky son!

That seems to be sooooooooooooo common

SORRY these books are good

we have the 'lets talk about sex' and 'lets talk about where babies come from' they laugh at them but definitely read them which is what is important! they are 11,13,15 btw

I have the "lets talk about sex' book really good. Have also got "Growing up and keeping safe" not a book but a cd rom. Found it much better.I got it off the internet don't know if its available in shops. Try www.sensecds.com