Can't do this any more - 5 month old baby

[Nicknamegoeshere]

She literally cries nearly all of the day. Max she will sleep at a time is 20 mins. At night she's no better and is awake approx every 45 mins. She is EBF.

OH is now getting cross at me as I am so exhausted in the day I am struffling to engage with her. I've tried to explain to him the way I feel having never had that "deep sleep" since literally the day she was born, but he feels I'm not motivating myself. I'm trying my best, but I'm genuinely struggling to put one foot in front of the other at times.

I honestly do know what to do.

Please help.

My DS only ever slept for 30- 40 mins at a time, it was exhausting! However he didn’t also cry all day. Have you spoken to the Dr or HV?
Just bumping in the hope someone more knowledgeable will come along and advise.
I hope things improve for you soon

@Didntgetmydiamondring Yes, spoke to my HV. She said it was a "phase". But that was weeks ago!!! I think I'm just too old this time around?

I am sorry to hear that you’re having such a rough time! It sounds utterly exhausting, and your partner not being supportive just makes it even harder.

Is it worth having a proper chat with him? Sometimes it can be hard to really put across how we are feeling when we are so focussed on baby. Maybe write him a letter?

Would you consider using a bottle? Even just once a day to help with a longer sleep so you can get some down time?

Crying all the time doesn’t sound normal at this age. In my experience, HVs are fucking useless. What is your instinct? Do you feel that something is wrong?

I should clarify that I am not trying to blame you for your partner not supporting you! 🤦‍♀️ What I mean is that it’s easy for people to ignore how you feel when you don’t make it crystal clear in a calm way (even though this is bloody hard and unfair)

That doesn't sound right. My son cried all day and struggled to nap but he did sleep at night. I struggled emotionally with the crying and wouldn't have filed with no sleep too. You're a hero for having made it this far!!!

Some possibilities that spring to mind.... General overtiedness. Does anything get her to sleep for extended periods of time? Sling, car, pram? If so, do it and do it for as long as possibly to break the overtiedness cycle.

It sounds like it could be more than that though possibly. Have you considered reflux or cmpa? My son only cheered up once I started him on dairy free prescription formula. Oh a dummy made a massive difference too, does she have one?

I know it's so tough to have an unhappy baby and my heart goes out to you. I am pro breastfeeding but personally in your position I'd be trying out formula in order to be able to leave the baby with someone while I had some sleep.

Thanks all. I've tried her with a dummy on lots of occasions but she just won't take it. I'm JUST about coping for now, but if there's a second lockdown I know that will be the tipping point for me.
I suffer with severe health anxiety and I was due an overdue smear test (last one showed irregularities), I have a front tooth which is collapsing on me and causing pain every time I eat, and I turn 40 in a few weeks. I guess these appts will be cancelled.
Not being able to see anybody and dealing on my own every day with a screaming baby will be too much.
I want out!

You're overwhelmed and your body and brain need a break. It's so tough. Our firstborn didn't sleep at all and we were surviving on 4 hours of broken sleep a night. We ended 'shifting' nights so we got some sleep. My son would sleep in my arms only through the day.
I knew something wasn't right. My doctor thought it was me being a new mum. After 3 trips to A+E at 9 months old, he was diagnosed with severe silent reflux. Once we started getting support, things began to change. I'm not going to lie it was 3 yrs of sleep misery but each month was better than the previous.

YOU NEED SUPPORT. someone who will listen, someone to cuddle, someone who can let you sleep. Biggest hurdle is COVID so can you create a bubble with someone/family?

I remember feeling so guilty at 2am, 3am, 4am thinking this is not what I signed up for. I loved my baby and adored our cuddles, serve and return. I just needed some comfort and that is ok.

Keep asking for help until you get some. Keep cuddling your baby as you both will be getting oxytocin - love hormone. Keep talking to your partner. Be kind to each other. Investigate if your baby needs any medical support - reflux? colic? allergies? To cry that much - they must be uncomfortable.

Sending you a big virtual hug xxx

@raising2children My parents live in the same village as us but the Covid situation means I can't form a bubble with them or anything (I'm not a single parent).
No classes, no friends, can't get the baby out really. Nothing.
Just hours a day of a crying baby and no sleep!

First make sure your infant is well ( no sickness, fever, tummy ache etc.)All infants go through changes, growth spurts and developmental changes etc. First and most important is to have a routine - make sure that is on point. Once routine is done and followed through everything else will work itself out. Any questions let me know, happy to help x

@EvaS1 Thank you. Yes we've got a routine definitely - there's not a lot at all we can do so it's a very boring one!

There is plenty to do with 5 moths old! Remember if they are not stimulated enough/tired enough they won't sleep well.
Gentle exercise, walks twice a day, play, reading books. Anything that stimulates their mind. Have fun!

@EvaS1 I do those things (in between the school runs), but at five months she's not really very interactive yet. Every day is like groundhog day and sooooooo isolating! Never thought I'd be saying this, but I'm desperate to go back to work!

I was the same, we were back and forth to dr’s even a trip in the ambulance I was exhausted. He just wouldn’t settle and cried all day. As soon as we started treating him for reflux it did Slowly start to get better. As for you please speak to hv or dr about how your feeling, there is help out there unfortunately we sometimes have to fight for it which isn’t right at all. There is nothing worse than sleep deprivation and that effects everything. Sending lot’s of hugs

I understand you trust me! I hope it will be better in no time :)

if you google Early Help Services in your area, there maybe support.

keep talking to your Health Visitor and GP to see if there is any reason you gorgeous baby is so unsettled.

Also as baby is so unsettled for 5 months and sleep deprivation increases cortisol - do you feel low? if so, get you GP or health visitor involved.

x

Hi,

My first DS was just like this - seemed unhappy all the time, never slept well and fought naps. Wanted constant contact and wouldn’t go in car seat, pram, etc. I was exhausted! Do you use a sling? This saved me in the day as he’d sleep in it. He did have reflux and we tried different things like gaviscon but tbh it just took time. He improved so much when he could move and now he’s a really happy toddler.

Sleep deprivation is a total killer and must be harder with other kids. Can your partner do some of the settling after you feed? Or can they have baby in the evening while you rest ( even just a break if you can’t sleep helps)?
They may be more sympathetic if they’re up in the night too 😆 are you willing to co-sleep? I got a lot more sleep with DS this way when he was a baby and now he sleeps all night on his own xx

My DD was like this but also suffered eczema and food allergies (exclusively breastfed) but it was over 3 months before this was diagnosed. Whilst you look into possible medical reasons, I'd suggest using a sling or baby carrier during the day and maybe your other half could try carrying the baby whilst you go for a nap? I lived with my mum so that also really helped and allowed me some sleep. You have done so well to get to 5 months like this. Really hope you find something that works and things improve soon!

Mine was like this. I thought I was going to die. It is not normal for babies of that age to sleep for such short periods.
It is also not normal for babies to cry all day everyday for no reason.
My daughter had silent reflux and allergies and as soon as this was treated she was like a different baby.
There are routes to go down:
-Question silent reflux to your GP- they may prescribe gavison or ranitidine to trial.
-Cut the main allergen from your diet- dairy. Extremely easy to do- I can message you a list of dairy replacement foods which means you won't even miss dairy.

• Take her to a cranial osteopath. If you had a difficult birth, it's likely that they can help her feel more comfortable.

You probably don't have the energy to even go down these paths, but if you do and it works, you'll be so pleased you did. Feel free to message me for help and support. X

Don't rule out co-sleeping until you have some answers to her issues either and a sling in the day time will really help too x

This was my daughter. She had severe silent reflux. Only slept upright or lying tummy-down on my chest. I was exhausted. She cried every time she was flat. Only slept 20 mins. I worked out she did better sleeping on a beanbag, propped up and supported. It took 2 years to get through the reflux but it did get easily. I cut out lactose and citrus in my own diet and that helped.