Behaviour issues

[m1r14m]

I am looking for some kind of help, I have been having loads of behavioural issues with my 3 year old. When she doesn't get her own way she goes crazy like most kids do but she takes this to the extreme, she will grab her legs and dig her nails into her skin, she will scream until she's purple in the face, she will kick me, slap me, scratch me, anything she can do. I usually take her to her room to calm down and I will walk away, she will then launch almost her entirety of her room at the door. I can't take it anymore, I'm actually scared the neighbours will thinking I'm hurting her by the amount she screams. Does anyone have any suggestions?

It is natural to get overwhelmed by frustration or disappointment as a child. We, adults, have coping mechanisms developed over the course of years and have the ability to control these emotions.
In the same way we teach our children to talk and walk, we need to teach them how to cope with emotions.
Abandoning her in her room is not working. When she is overwhelmed and in the course of an episode, sit on the floor, and talk calmly, repeating reassuring sentences. " I can see you are upset, I am here next to you, it is hard not to have things go the right way and so on"
If she tries to hit you, with a very stern voice, say NO. Do not hit/bite/kick. If she tries to hurt herself , grab her hand, and tell " this is wrong, don't do that"
Then distraction often helps, so she has the frustration but moves to something else. Suggest taking bread to the ducks, baking a cake, ....

I would also say to NOT console her during the episode, but later, an hour later, when she is calm, talk about it, saying " you had a tough moment, must have been hard, it is not nice to feel so mad, is it? "

I would also recommend no screens at all for a week. No tv and especially no hand held device. I know it is hard, but experiment it. You will notice an enormous difference. Screens hyper stimulate the brain and accelerate everything.
1 week. Starting tomorrow. Blame a storm that has cause a surge in current. Unplug tv, and keep your phone away.

@m1r14m It is so hard isn't it when they are little and you feel helpless, and trust me they make you doubt everything you are doing. As an Early Years practitioner I've seen it all and it still never prepared me for my own DD's tantrums! Would you say that yours went through terrible twos or could this be that do you think? Terrible twos is just the term we use to describe the uncontrollable tantrums as your child is developing their ability to control their emotions. Another poster has posted some good advice you could try. The advice I can give it to look at your parenting in general, do you give in often? Do you explain why they can't have what they want? When I struggled with my 2.5 year old I realised that I tended to avoid situations that I knew would set her off and because it of she turned into a little diva, she was still lovely and kind but during a tantrum would hit me and hurt herself. The ONLY thing that worked was not giving in, day after day I would explain why its not going her way, support her and give cuddles when she needed it but otherwise I would just let her have the tantrum which could last a while. It was hard and horrible watching them struggle BUT eventually she slowed down and now she hardly has any because she knows the outcome doesn't benefit anybody. She is much happier in general now and you will get there too. ALL children are capable of this behaviour, please don't think you have done anything wrong. You are doing great!