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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

is this normal of 8 year old girls...

25 replies

lucykatie · 14/10/2007 21:09

hi, i have an 8 yr old girl and she has wide circle of friends, however they argue as do all girls, my dd and another in particular do go at it alot, however they can be best buddies too.
i see it as clashing and to be honest they are as bad as each other, the problem is that the other girl said to my dd that her mum is going to have a chat to teacher about my dd at parentrs evening......how would you take this? obviously something has been said.

I am so worried that my dd is going to take the brunt of the blame, will the teacher see it for what it is.i.e...girls being girls.

is this 'girls being girls' or am i bonkers.

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Tortington · 14/10/2007 21:12

this is girls being girls.

this often happened with my dd

am sure teacher ( unless a complete fucking nut) will see the same.

you might want to catch her to one side after a lesson before parents evenng and just mention that its come to your attention that there has been some nastiness - your not blaming anyone your sure they are all as bad as each other - but just as a warning to look out for)

makes you look good if nothing else

PestoPumpkinMonster · 14/10/2007 21:12

My dd2 is 8 and also has this kind of love/hate relationship with her best friend. Both her mum and I realise this and know that it is just a girl thing. I think the teacher knows too. It seems to be the same with a lot of the other girls in both my dds' classes and I think it is very very normal. I'm sure your dd's teacher will realise this too.

Original poster

lucykatie · 14/10/2007 21:17

i am friends with the other little girls mum and we get on great and i love her dd dearly....my opinion is it is girls being girls......even though some of the things they say...including what mine say, are nasty.

there teacher is a male teacher with years and years of experience, so no doubt he has seen this many time, howwever i just dont want my dd being blamed for it ALL.

wont have chance to have chat with teacher as you have to book to see him, with parents evening coming up i doubt i will be able too, also that seems very 'formal' if i do book to see him.

is it really girls being girls.....so worried.

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jamila169 · 14/10/2007 21:19

this is just 8 year olds being 8 year olds! DS1 has fallen out with his friend so many times (even coming to blows) and then made up again I told him not to bother me with it anymore and just sort out who he wanted to be mates with - needless to say J was playing with him on our garden today
Lisa X

RosaTransylvania · 14/10/2007 21:21

If he has been teaching this age group for years it will come up EVERY year. They are all like this for a couple of years at that age IME and then you revisit it periodically right through their teens. Really don't worry, it will all blow over.

Original poster

lucykatie · 14/10/2007 21:22

so, whats best way to deal with them......i have laughed, cried, screamed, chatted, grounded, pleaded.....tried to ignore.

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Original poster

lucykatie · 14/10/2007 21:29

please, so i can have a restful sleep tonight

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RosaTransylvania · 14/10/2007 21:34

The best way is not to get involved in the details of what is going on, make it clear to your DD that she needs to decide how she is going to behave when situations start to develop. Talk to her about a situation she maybe didn't handle so well and make suggestions about different ways she could have done it. Ask her questions like 'How did that make you feel' 'How do you think X felt when you did that' 'If you could do that situation again, how would you do if differently.'
And prepare to feel that you are banging your head against a brick wall a lot of the time - but some of it does sink in in the end.

Original poster

lucykatie · 14/10/2007 21:39

i must admit, that i do try and get every detail, then stress over it......my dh tells me that i should ignore.....just want them all to get on.... i do feel like i am banging my head against wall.

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jamila169 · 14/10/2007 22:30

Not in the job description to be able to put every little hurt right I'm afraid -you're probably more bothered than she is as this point, so just let it ride, i don't bother even trying to keep up with who DS hates this week
Lisa X

Original poster

lucykatie · 15/10/2007 07:22

just worried that she is going to cop the blame for all of this.......am i over thinking it all.

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yogimum · 15/10/2007 07:29

its girls being girls. My sister has had the same problem with her eldest who is now 13. They can be so bitchy! As you get on so well with dd friends mum could you have a word with her.

Original poster

lucykatie · 15/10/2007 07:34

we have discussed them on several occasions, its just when her dd said that her mum was going to chat with teacher about my dd......how do you approach that one.

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hippipotOFBLOODami · 15/10/2007 07:41

But do you know for certain this girls' mum is indeed going to chat to the teacher? Or did the other girl make this up with the intention of scaring your dd?

I would approach the mum, say according to X (her dd) you are going to talk to the teacher about X and Y (your dd), is that true?

And if she says yes, then suggest you go together as this is a matter that affects you both seeing as it is about the relationship between your two girls.
(and she can honestly only say 'yes' to that suggestion, or she may see sense and change her mind about seeing the teacher)

andiem · 15/10/2007 07:41

if you are good friends with the mum could you not talk to her about it? you could pretend you don't know what her dd has said and approach it as have you noticed things are a bit worse lately. Maybe if you discuss it with her first then she won't discuss with the teacher.tbh discussing it with the teacher is a bit ott on her part me thinks

I also think it is girls my ds is in year 3 and some of the girls are just plain nasty

andiem · 15/10/2007 07:42

x post hippi although you ar a bit more up front than me

Original poster

lucykatie · 15/10/2007 07:46

its not a special meeting with teacher, its parents evening, so when she said it her little girl meant a chat at parents evening.......to be honest i am goin to have words about the arguing but not about any child directly.

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hippipotOFBLOODami · 15/10/2007 08:03

I would still check the other mum is not going to bring this up with the teacher. Check the other girl is telling the truth before you get yourself tied into knots. (am not suggesting the girl is a liar but we are talking about 8 year old girls here)

Because if the other mum is indeed going to talk to the teacher to complain about your dd, this 'arguing between girls' gets taken to a whole new level with parents assigning blame. And that is not on!

Original poster

lucykatie · 15/10/2007 08:16

well i have parents evening too this week, so i will be bringing up the arguing....no names, if my friend does start blaming i do think its a bit off!! However, surely the teacher has seen it done it etc, and even if i do have a chat to my friend....she will still say whatever she like in parents evening.

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Original poster

lucykatie · 15/10/2007 08:17

DO NOT want to start falling out over it with my friends, as like i said.....one minute our girls hate each other....the next it's 'best mates' forever....i cant keep up.

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Original poster

lucykatie · 15/10/2007 08:17

do love these friends dearly.

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yogimum · 15/10/2007 08:20

well maybe its best not to make a big deal about it at the moment. Wait to see what happens. Easier said than done I'm sure.

Original poster

lucykatie · 15/10/2007 11:19

will this ever stop......nightmare

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ingles2 · 15/10/2007 14:02

the girls in ds1 year 3 class are all like this!...Honest!!!
And don't worry about mother talking to teacher, she probably just said she'd say something when her own dd was going on about it...she probably hasn't thought about it since!

jellybelly25 · 16/10/2007 13:51

yes yes they are all like this (dd1 in year 3) and i remember speaking ot the teacher about it but not because i wanted to blame the child jus tbecause i wanted to find out if it was really as awful as she made it sound to me, i was very reassured. she wont get all the blame they are usually pretty good at trying to get kids to deal with things in a mature way.

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