Grandparents Spoiling Child

[SoFreakingTired86]

This is starting to get really frustrating. My parents adore their grandchildren, and are closest with 3YO DD, whom they have for an afternoon every week. They saw her a lot more before lockdown but we’ve had to scale things back, and I know they’ve missed her as much as we’ve missed them.

The trouble is no matter how much we politely ask them to stop, they are ruthlessly spoiling her. This afternoon she had no less than ice cream, chocolate, an enormous balloon and two new ducks (she has a thing for ducks but has loads so we’ve stopped indulging it!) This was between half eleven and four.
I don’t want things to get awkward but after she has had a single afternoon of getting her own way she is very difficult. We weren’t spoilt as kids so I have no idea why my parents think it is the way to behave, especially when I have asked them not to. She is a lovely kid but her behaviour deteriorates so badly the afternoon off from her isn’t worth the mood she comes back in.
I love my mum and dad and how much they love DD. A treat here and there is okay but not this!

How can I put it to them to take our requests seriously? I don’t want them to deprive her of a little treat but want them to think about the impact of giving into every little whim she has! I don’t want to seem ungrateful because they pour so much love, energy and time into her and we wouldn’t be without them!

Please help!

Take pictures or video of her being petulant. Tell them she’s really acting up and she does it every time. Tell them you might have to stop sending her.

Ugh, that's so frustrating... I

I have a similar issue, so I'm here for solidarity! My MIL picks up my son from school once a week and she buys him a toy or comic (with crap toys attached to it) every single week, as well as stuffing his face with sugar.

The sugar I can handle, and I could understand the toys if they were only seeing eachother once a month or something, but it's every blinkin week! He even came home with a full size cheapo telescope recently! Wtf? We live in a tiny flat and have no room for stuff as it is.

My DH hasn't spoken to her yet but wants to.

My other idea was maybe to leave all the toys at the grandparents' house? Would that be an option for you? See how they like their home being overrun with ducks?? Probably not popular with the children, but hey.

I understand that grandparents have already been through all the stress of having to enforce limits and pushback when raising their own children, and probably don't want to have to deal with that stress again, but it just means it's passed onto us ten-fold. I'm not sure what the real solution is. Perhaps as your daughter matures, she'll be better able to understand and adapt to the fact that things are done one way at home and another at the grandparents'.

To some extent, it is a grandparents privilege to do a bit of spoiling... but if it’s too much (sounds like it is) you really need to have a word. I reckon diet is easier to tackle than the toys, just calmly say that a healthy diet is really important to you, so no more than one sweet treat - I assume it puts her off meals, so you can tell them this and explain that it makes her unhappy from the sUgar crash.