20 month old being pushed about by friends toddler

[Greenleaves20]

I’ve got friend with a little boy the same age as mine. We get on really well but in the last couple of months every time we see them her little boy is quite rough and pushes mine over, grabs his jumper and pulls him backwards, hits him, sits on top of him etc. He’s quite a bit bigger than mine and my LB doesn’t know how to react and sometimes gets upset if he’s hurt or bumps his head. The main issue is that my friend won’t tell him to stop and she’s made comments to me the she doesn’t like other people telling him off when he pushes their child over. I end up rescuing my LB without saying anything but he looks upset and doesn’t really like seeing the other boy as I think he’s scared. I’ve tried to jokingly say something but unsure where to go with it or how to tactfully say I’m not happy with the situation. Or am I being unreasonable with this?

She may not want to tell her LO off and I would be respectful of that but she should

Sorry posted too early. She may not want to tell her child off and I would be respectful of that parenting style but she should at least be removing her child from the situation until he can treat his friends nicely. If she won't do this though then I would just remove your child from the situation. Your child deserves to play in a safe and secure environment and you are his advocate. This is more important than keeping your friend happy

I think you have to respect how she parents her child, but that might mean not seeing her until your DC are older. Some children that age are a bit rough - kids that age are self-centred by nature and don’t understand the consequences of their actions! If you can’t keep a distance between them and your child is scared, I wouldn’t be putting him in that position. It’s up to you if you explain to your friend why you can’t see her with the children right now, or if you prefer to avoid that conversation.

FWIW, my DD is 4 and had a friend who was very rough, and extremely large for his age - he was a biter at that age, and also scratched (really hard!), dug his fingers in and would shove other kids over and sit on them.... his parents did try quite hard to encourage him to be gentle and really struggled to manage his behaviour! He just didn’t seem old enough to understand any consequences or correction to his behaviour. My DD is actually nearly a year older than him, but had no idea how to handle biting etc. Now he’s 3 and she’s 4, and they get on famously - he’s old enough to understand that his actions hurt and will have consequences. He’s still boisterous, but they wrestle on the sofa in a good natured way. Maybe all this situation needs is time apart.