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Original poster

how do you teach your 1 year old things are dangerous?

28 replies

magicfairy · 14/10/2007 11:18

On friday night DS (13 months) was watching DH light the fire, when he got hold of the poker and proceeded to run around the room with it bashing everything in sight. DH shouted no and it all ended in lots of tears! then he wanted the poker more and more and kept getting closer to the fire (the guard wasnt up as it was still being lit) then he got upset again as was told no to going ner the fire!
I dont believe in shouting and making him cry to emphasis a point of danger but how do you make him realise danger without experinencing the danger himself?

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ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 14/10/2007 11:24

You can't. He's one. All you can do is a constant firm "No" whenever he does something and hope it sinks in.

Original poster
magicfairy · 14/10/2007 11:25

I just dont want to over use no, it either seems to make him cry or laugh!

OP posts:
ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 14/10/2007 11:25

Oh, and you will make him cry simply by virtue of saying "no" and stopping him doing what he wants. It is unavoidable and you have loads more of this to come as it deteriorates into huge screaming tantrums. Get used to it

RubyShivers · 14/10/2007 11:25

you do what you were doing
saying no and removing them from a dangerous situation is all you can do for now

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 14/10/2007 11:26

Is he your first?

RubyShivers · 14/10/2007 11:27

i spend my whole life (it seems) saying "no" to my inquisitive 16 month old
'tis the way of things with a toddler

3Ddonut · 14/10/2007 11:28

use a sharp stern tone of voice, so that he knows that you are not playing, save this tone just for these situations. Also agree that at one it's hard, my dd is 16 months and the only way for her to be safe is for us to keep her safe for now.

iris66 · 14/10/2007 11:28

The only thing you can do at this age is remove him from the danger and distract, distract, distract - he's not going to have a clue what danger is, he's only 1 and shouting will only upset everyone. Self control doesn't come for quite a quile yet and you've no chance whilst everything is so exciting and new for him to explore.

Original poster
magicfairy · 14/10/2007 11:35

Yes dragon hes my first, but i really do strongly belive in not over using the word no and making a big deal of things that he shouldnt do. distaction is usually the go in our house but then in some situations, ie dangerous ones, no is ok. thanks

OP posts:
ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 14/10/2007 11:44

He's about to enter the Terrible Twos. "No" and screaming meltdowns are about to become a huge part of your life I'm afraid. They get wise to the distraction technique and still remember what it was they were after in the first place.

I also use "hot hot hot" if BabyDragon goes near the oven or a radiator or if her dinner is hot. Also, you qualify the no eg "No. Hot!", "No. Dangerous!" or "No. Hurt mummy."

However, repeating "no" is the only way to stop her switching the TV on and off as she pauses, looks at me and thinks "was it this she doesn't want me to do...? I'll check by doing it again." Distraction does not work, removing her does not work

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 14/10/2007 11:45

BTW, I wasn't being patronising when I asked if he's your first

Original poster
magicfairy · 14/10/2007 11:51

thansk for the advice dragon, and i didnt think you were being patronizing but i saying no lots really doesnt seem to work, it seems to loose its meaning when said a lot. ie, with turning the tv on and off if i say no he contiues to do it but if i just ignore him and then it gets boring and he finds something else to do. I know distaction wont work forever but surely theres an alternative to always shouting NO

OP posts:
CappuScreamO · 14/10/2007 11:53

just shouting no won't work

if he continues to do it gently remove him eg from tv

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 14/10/2007 13:32

I never said you should shout it.

"No" doesn't lose its meaning IME, because you're only using it for stuff they shouldn't do, not just every time they do something that irritates you. If you qualify it, this seeps in as their understanding of language improves, so "No. Hot!" tells them they shouldn't do it because it's hot. BabyDragon (20 months, 3rd born) now points to hot things and goes "hot hot hot" and (thankfully!) doesn't touch them I don't believe in simply saying "no" every time your toddler does something but by adding a reason (simple word) after it and saying it calmly but firmly works well. It also leaves you the option of bellowing "NO!" really really loudly when your child is doing something very dangerous (and they will) and it will be different to the other times. Different enough for them to take notice immediately, hopefully.

Different children respond differently though, you find the way that suits your child. I've never believed in moving stuff out of my children's reach until it becomes necessary (ie they don't learn not to touch) and I don't have cupboard locks. This wasn't a problem with DSs, BabyDragon is a completely different kettle of soup and I've had to baby-proof more this time round.

It is, however, impossible to parent and stop your child doing things without making them cry. Unfortunately.

NKF · 14/10/2007 13:46

You can't. You have to remove dangerous items and keep him from potentially dangerous situations.

claireverityswickedsister · 14/10/2007 13:48

you didn't make him cry, he cried of his won accord because his instinctive need to push boundaries clashed with the fact that you needed to parent and protect him.

Keep on doing what you're doing and deal with the ensuing tantrum calmly and you'll all be fine. Movesom stuff out of harm'sway to limit the frequency with which you have to deal with this but otherwise continue as normal.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 14/10/2007 13:49

I agree with dragon here, 'No' is the one word that will be consistent throughout their upbringing, once they are old enough to reason with ie 2/3 then fair enough, use 'no' as little as possible, but at one they really dont have a clue what youre talking about most of the time!!!

My 'No's also have a certain look and a headskae to go with them, so it gets to thepoint that you can just give them the look and they'll know.

Also at one they have a tiny attention span/memory it may seem to you like you're forever saying no, but to them it won't.

Loopymumsy · 14/10/2007 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 14/10/2007 14:42

But how long can you do this for loony?? and when will they learn not to touch things??

I did remove many of the things I didnt want the kids to touch, I got fed up with CD racks being emptied etc, but I didnt remove everything, otherwise when I put it all back then surely I would have still had to deal with the 'no, youre not allowed to touch that'??

The way I see it, it is a lesson that needs to be taught at some point, and it's fairly easy to teach when they first start touching everything, rather than leaving it til they are 2/3/4 etc and adding it to the lessons they have to learn at this age iyswim.

LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 14/10/2007 14:42

I meant loopy sorry.

Loopymumsy · 14/10/2007 14:56

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Phoebesmum21 · 14/10/2007 15:01

with my dd from the age of 1 til about 2ish we kept the room as empty as possible, all shiny and exciting, or indeed dangerous things were kept well out of reach, it does minimize the stress greatly. by the time we started reintroducing things she was older so we still have to inforce the 'No. Hot' etc (btw im an advocate of that too, no without a reason following it has no meaning and altho he wont understand it at 13months its a great habit to get into) but u can reason a little more with a 2 yr old.

it will feel a bit like a sacrifice when ur home looks so bare but it only lasts a relatively short time and stops anything valuable getting broken and, more importantly, ensures that theres no chance of ur dc hurting themselves during those inevitable moments when u cant be around.

Hope that helps a little.

amicissima · 14/10/2007 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 14/10/2007 18:12

"when will they learn not to touch things?"

That entirely depends on the child. BabyDragon (20 months) understands that hot things shouldn't be touched. She doesn't necessarily understand which things might be hot though. I think she knows the oven and to be careful with just-served food unless I tell her it's OK. So far, anything else she shouldn't touch/do she's clueless about though

boo64 · 14/10/2007 21:29

It does get better pretty quickly (depending on the dc's personality a bit though!)

I believe in a balance when it comes to childproofing - some things are out and out dangerous and must be out of reach/ removed, other things are things they must learn to handle properly or avoid - the age at which they can do this depends on the child/ item but generally I'd say from 18 months some toddlers will get it.

One thing to consider is that if you childproof everything at your house and your ds doesn't learn not to touch certain things, they will go to other people's houses where everything isn't childproofed and you will have a very stressful time!

I agree with others that no is as much about a stern look at this age.

If it is any consolation the totally reckless stage was quite short for ds and the days when you can leave him in a room for a short while alone while you get on with something will be with you again before you know it!