My child invades other kids space

[sprout2]

My son is 4 and starts school in january.
For the past year i have become increasingly concerned that my son is desperate to stand and sit so close to other children and is always staring at them. A year a go i was told by a nursery that he was attending that he 'invades' the other children's space. I have observed my son,and although i don't like the way they phrased it, i have to admitt it's true. I'm growing increasingly worried because i think that he makes himself very vunerable by constantly doing this. How on earth can i stop this behaviour? So far i have talked to him about it, but it's in one ear and out the other.

Your son wants to be involved and this is his way of trying to make friendships. For his Nursery to say he invades others spaces is bizarre. I work in a pre-school and imho your ds's behaviour is quite common. He is just developing his social skills and to an adult his approach looks awkward perhaps. He will learn through watching other children and being on the end of their reactions (some good, some not) how he can join in and play. My 7yo dd still stands and stares at children intil she feels able to approach. Just give him reassurance and lots of love if he's given the cold shoulder and encourage him to try again.

Oh my goodness, it makes my blood boil to hear the nasty things some school staff can say about little children. "invades personal space" indeed! How the hell do they imagine the lice get passed around? By children invading each others' personal space. Children do it ll the time: they are by nature more physical than adults.

Your son sounds as though he is trying to make friends with these other children, but is not sure how to. This will come with maturity and gentle guidance, not by some stupid bint implying there is something wrong with him. Is he verbal enough for you talk through with him how best to make friends? I would suggest that he gets used to putting forward activities, and that you encourage him to join in games at the playground, with his friends etc.. in a more natural way. Some children find this easy some less so. Your son may just need a little more help working out how to do it.

Good luck, and do try not to set too much store by what school staff say about him at this age. Gentle support is what he needs, not weird comments.

Hmm my friends son is a bit older and does the same and it is really starting to annoy others. She has told him to imagine that everyone has a personal invisible bubble around them and you should only step inside the bubble if they ask you to. He has other issues as well, seems to just not pick up on some social skills that others gather instinctively. hth not really a major issue at 4 imo.

thank you for the supportive comments.

I think 'invades personal space' is a standard term though so I wouldn't get upset about the phraseology .. why does that worry you

Possibly you will need to start teaching him the bubble concept as told earlier and continually reinforce. Most, but not all, children get the concept of personal space naturally and if they don't then I do think you should do your best to teach him the concept by continual reinforcement and gentle reminders (he won't get it immediately but he will get it0.

Personal space is important in developing relationships .. admittedly children have smaller spaces and are more fluid with the concept.. but they are still important and I think the nursery was right to discuss it with you and you are right to want to address it

good luck

Totally agree with fran's post. I couldn't add anything to that.

once again it seems people's expectations are just age-inappropriate. Kids do so much socialising now at such an early age; at four I really wouldn't say this was a concern. School will do a huge amount for his social skills; just let him learn at his own (age appropriate!) pace.

moopymoo's idea about the invisible bubble is a good one. You could try talking about that anyway. Sometimes, even adults get it wrong, don't they and 4 years on this planet - when you take into account learning to walk and talk etc - is not nearly long enough to expect a child to be able to learn all the subtlties of human behaviour

My daughter does this but in a slightly different way - she cuddles every child she meets or tries to tickle them under the chin. On the one hand I love that she is so affectionate but on the other hand I know that many children are a bit overwhelmed by her approach. I like the idea of the plastic bubble - at the moment I am trying to get her to remember not to cuddle children she has just met and to ask those that she knows if it is okay. She is 4 too and it is hard for them to remember.