16 month old not listening

[StressedOutDaddy]

Hi all, I have a 16 month old son who has recently spent a few nights in hospital with breathing problems, so naturally we want to feel sympathetic towards him but he keeps going for the same things and it doesn't matter how many times we tell him "no". These are things such as the drawers in the coffee table, any door whether it's a door to a room or cupboard, the TV remote and anything that me or his mum are trying to eat or drink.

It gets to the point where I feel like a broken record spending my day just constantly telling him "no" over and over. We've tried telling him nicely, we've tried raising our voices to him and telling him that he's being naughty but it has no effect.

Can anyone please share anything that they've used to deal with a similar situation before it drives me insane?

He might well know what no means at that age but he’s far too young to really have the impulse control to do as you want all the time. I know it’s frustrating and you feel like a broken record but just remove him from the situation if needed or try and distract him and eventually he’ll hopefully start to listen more. You can start planting ideas into him that will help him develop his forward planning skills eg ‘Oh dear I asked you to climb up there and you fell and hurt yourself. Perhaps you should listen next time’ I don’t think it’s necessary or helpful to do a whole lot more at this age. If you punish him he won’t fully understand that you’re punishing him and it might foster a superficial obedience but he won’t develop the forward planning or independent thinking skills to really use it helpfully in his lifestyle decisions or relationship building. They honestly don’t stay this little or impulsive forever and they learn themselves to be more sensible and what the consequences are to not listening I promise. Just embrace him. He’ll grow up fast xx

No idea if this will help but what works with my 19 month old ( and has been working for a few months ) is to telling him what he should do instead of what he should not do .

For example if he’s trying to grab my coffee instead of saying no , I tell him “that’s my coffee cup” and offer him his own cup . Or if he’s going into a cupboard he’s not allowed in then I tell him the cupboard stays closed and then show him a cupboard he can explore .

No idea if that will help but it was advice given to me that saved me . I still say no to him of course but not nearly as much.

I think it's too much to expect at his age, 16M olds don't have much of an impulse control so they may understand that they are not allowed to do it once they being told 'no' but it probably won't stop them doing it again in a few hours. I guess this is why people tend to add baby locks to cupboards/doors, keep small things out of reach, etc.

Hi all, I appreciate the responses; unfortunately it was another weekend in hospital with our son being unwell again :(

We have tried picking him up and/or trying to distract him with something else but he's a very determined little monkey. I should add that this is child no 2 for me & no 3 for my wife and the other kids range from 5-17 now so we've both gone through the toddler years previously but neither of us have been through the behaviour my son exhibits presently.

It's the whole pretending not to hear you whilst wearing a mischievous grin and still doing whatever we've asked him not to do anyway. We try to show him his own cup or a toy etc to distract him but he's very determined and either keeps going until he gets his own way or we have to stop eating/drinking to put what we've got down where he can't reach or move something so that it's in the way of whatever it is he's trying to get.

Our son is generally a very happy, cuddly little man but some days after spending the best part of 8 hours telling him no and dealing with the tantrums when he doesn't get his own way I feel exhausted and that's before I even leave the house for work - I work late/night shifts and my wife works in the day so there's always one of us at home with him.

Can you think in terms of managing his environment so there are fewer chances for 'no' and tantrums until he is a bit older? Not necessarily for the whole house, but at least for a couple of rooms where you spend the most time? Obviously he needs to learn impulse control eventually, but as previous posters said, 16 months is a bit young for that, and changing the environment could make life more pleasant for all of you.

Put the remote up high when it's not actively being used, perhaps give him an old one to play with. Similar for other frequent flashpoint items. Try to avoid eating in front of him when he's not eating – I think many children would struggle with that, and a fair number of adults wouldn't be keen either. If you're drinking water, you can just let him have some.

Put child locks on the doors you really need him not to open, but let him open other doors if he likes. My daughter is about the same age and has a game of opening the lounge door, saying bye, going into the hall, closing the door, opening the door, saying peekaboo, rinse and repeat. A friend's daughter was the same. We have something on the door to stop her pinching her fingers, the hall is safe (although we'd check if she didn't reappear pretty promptly), what's the harm?

@StressedOutDaddy ugh so glad I'm not the only one then. My 16mo son is exactly how you described. Climbs on everything, hangs off me, can't leave the room, throws remote & my phone, bangs the baby gate, can't eat anything without him grabbing it off the plate! It must be a phase - I bloody hope it ends soon 🤣