Pasta jars/sticker charts-Good or the 'source of all evil in the world today'

[DarrellRivers]

DD is nearly 4.
Since going to pre-school she seems to be becoming increasingly more challenging.
I am finding it harder to ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good.
I find myself daily becoming a fishwife/shrieky/hoarse etc (all the things i never thought I would do)
I have DS (2) as well and he just has the odd tantrum so adds to the general delight and peaceful atmosphere in our house at the moment.
I had done some searches to look into sticker charts/pasta jars etc as rewarding good behaviour.
HOWEVER, I am wondering, these methods may work well in the short term but how do they effect long term stuff, like being self-motivated.
If I don't use these reward based methods, then give me some tips on to avoid continuing shouting all day please before I lose my voice

Hmmm. Things I would do depending on the situation. Talk to your dd and explain why the things you are asking of her need to be done. Ask her why she doesn't want to do things. Try not to shout (although the occassional eruption does get them to take notice )
Give her plenty of warning that you are going to be doing something. E.g. if you are going out let her know so that she can finish whatever she is doing.
Tantrums - try to stay calm and then comment on it after the storm has passed.
Draw attention to when what you are asking has been done and comment on why that's much better for all of you.
Mostly, count to 10 a lot before you react.
We don't use sticker charts, etc in our house either.

"how do they effect long term stuff, like being self-motivated" I don't think they to affect it because you can continually change the goal posts. There comes a point (age wise) where the child understands the actual benefit of doing/not doing something rather than because they get a reward. Before then, I think they do better with a carrot dangled in front of them.

You can use them alongside all the suggestions Juuule made. They act as a visual reinforcement.

I think unforunetly some of this will be tiredness from starting pre-school, it does take it out of them a bit.

I own a just 4 year old DS and if it is any help this is roughly what I do. Firstly, I make sure he gets as many early nights as possible and never gets too hungry or the fall out is horrendous.

I am careful to chose my battles carefully, I will let a few things slip but once I have made a stand on something I always follow through.

Some of the time when he gets himself into a state I don't think he knows how to calm himself down, I find a firm cuddle will help and get him to pretend my fingers are candles he needs to blow out if he's in that sobbing, can't breath properly state.

He does get some treats but they aren't linked to behaviour as I think the danger of star charts and pasta charts is that they behave because of what is in it for them, not because it's something they just have to do.

I have used time out with him about 4 times since he was born, he was threatened with it today but sorted himself out before it got to that stage.

I think also they get a whole range of new feelings about the world and their place in it at this age that they find it hard to deal with sometimes so we have regular chats to see how he is feeling, what he has been doing at nursery and what he would like to do.

He is though a complete doddle compared to his older sister so you have my complete sympathy. My worse moment was when she was about 4.5, I was 8 months pregnant, it was the hottest day on record and I turned into a fishwife in the garden, you know the sort where your throat hurts afterwards. When I had finished I heard a rustling from next door and realised that my neighbour had witnessed the whole ugly scene. She is the school secretary of the school my DD was about to start.

Different methods suit different children too. eg. "time out" suited DS1 but DS2 would have none of it. I know some children where the collecting of the pasta is the "thing" and it doesn't have to be switched for a tangible reward at all.

Thanks for all your suggestions, I think I must try to get some time when it is just her and me, so that we can try to talk about all the new things which are happening at nursery etc
She does get tired I know, she still has lunchtime naps, she is a bit like me in that respect.
And i think using the pasta in the jar as a visual aid rather than as a reward per se would be a good idea.
So not state there is specifically a reward at the end, but just collecting them if behaviour good etc.
Thanks again, I also find it so helpful that most people out there are going through very similar things.