Daughter struggling with intense emotions

[Bucks2015]

Hello - looking for some advice on how best to support my 5 year old.

We’ve had a few situations at school where she’s got very upset in class or assembly due to the content being discussed. Back in June it was the story of Blackbeard the Pirate being killed and yesterday she got very upset in assembly
when they were talking about Martin Luther King and how he got shot. School has asked us to speak to her about it but I’m not sure what the best way forward is. She’s also not keen to talk about it as it makes her too sad. I messaged one of her classmates mums about it, and she said her daughter had just randomly told her that DD was scared of people dying.

It’s not just something that happens at school. She used to really like hearing the story of Amelia Earhart but would not want to hear the ending. She also was fascinated by space at one point but her book had something about stars dying and she got focussed on what would happen when the sun dies as she knows it’s a star. This got her quite upset. She’s been worrying about her great grandma getting Covid, but seemed to be reassured when i told her a 106 year old got it and was fine. At other times things I think might upset her she’s fine with eg in Matilda where you find out Miss Honey’s parents die, she said that’s because she knows it’s just a story.

We’ve had no recent deaths or anything like that. We did have a string of deaths with my FIL, my parents two dogs and my grandad died within 3 months of each other when she was about 3. She dealt with that very well at the time.

She’s got a strong sense of empathy and is very kind. She also thinks quite deeply on things and sometimes surprises me with the kind of questions she asks. I was like this as a child, but didn’t get so upset about the world until I was quite a bit older.

Thanks in advance for any advice anyone can offer. I want to support her be true to who she is, but give her coping tools to deal with the sadder side of life.

Hi OP, I don't have any definite advice sorry but it sounds like she's a highly sensitive child? I'm currently reading the book and the description of deep empathy and feeling things deeply jumped out, so it might be worth a read? Think it's called The Highly Sensitive Child.

Otherwise, I remember going through an awful worrying phase when I was probably a couple of years older than your DD. I was convinced my parents would die whenever they were out in the evening, I would really worry. I was an anxious child and (sorry) have grown into an anxious adult so it may just be part of her personality?

Thank you for the reply. I’ve got that book on order having coming across it yesterday. Sounds like it will be useful so thanks for recommending it. I agree it sounds like she certainly has some of those characteristics and like you, I also had these fears as a child and really struggled to deal with it until my late teens.

The main difference and where she doesn’t seem to fit is how outgoing she is. She’s very sociable and generally quite confident. She makes friends wherever we go and will happily throw herself into new clubs and activities without hesitation. I was always very shy as a child. She does let unkind comments get to her and I’m trying to help her come up with strategies to deal with this.

@Bucks2015 what you are describing is not an hypersensitive child but a child with thanatophobia, a severe fear of death.

The fear of death is normal between 4-8, but when very severe, such as getting upset for stars dying, it can be a phobia. If it has been going on for more than six month, maybe contact the GP to be referred to a specialist who can advise and give coping strategies.
The protecting, hiding, sugar coating can sadly make things worse.

Thanks. I’d say it’s been in the last few months but it’s not affecting her day to day, mainly when she encounters sad stories at school but that does seem to be focussed around death. We’ve never sugar coated anything - we’ve tried to explain in an age appropriate way but have never lied or covered anything up or changed the topic.

Awe she sounds like a real little sweetheart bless her! I actually think she’s probably quite bright and I’d have lots of chats and see where it leads. Explaining death is hard but you could contact a charity and ask for advice. Sounds like she needs to hear something it’s just working out what that is that’s hard x