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Please speak to me about your 'on the spectrum' child and meltdowns

4 replies

ThatGhastlyWoman · 16/10/2020 15:48

Hi there-

Our 9 year old is currently being assessed (slowly, owing to Covid) for ASD. She has some traits which certainly fit, but we are not sure whether she is unusually sensitive and/or mardy, or if there are indeed underlying issues such as ASD. She doesn't have some of the classic traits, or I would certainly have pursued this sooner. I do suspect we have both ASD and ADD in my family, but not so strongly or obviously as to have ever required intervention or a diagnosis.

Currently she is having a meltdown/weeping fit because she doesn't fancy what I am making for tea, despite my telling her she can pick what she likes and keep things separate on her plate as she prefers.

20 minutes ago it was because I had offered to find out about an activity afternoon next week, during the holidays, and she was only interested in one of the activities. If she can't do only the thing she is interested in, then she just wants to stay in her comfort zone at home. This will involve as much screen time as possible.

Our patience is wearing thin, and we need some coping strategies, please. NB: we have tried to cut back on screen time (I am particularly unhappy with her current useage), but have been advised not to until we have a diagnosis. Her meltdowns (if that's what they are) have really increased over the last year, and since returning to school after lockdown in particular.

Her school is aware- she doesn't have meltdowns there, but she is quiet and doesn't engage. She is behind in some subjects, despite being reasonably bright and articulate when she's 'OK'.

I'd be very grateful for any input or resources you may have found useful... thanks in advance.

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ThatGhastlyWoman · 16/10/2020 16:27

Bump?

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ThatGhastlyWoman · 16/10/2020 20:07

Nobody? Perhaps I should have tried AIBU...

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ZooKeeper19 · 16/10/2020 21:34

Hello @ThatGhastlyWoman, sorry I feel for you and although not having a child "on the spectrum" I'm blessed with ASD so can slightly relate.

I'm not sure what it is you would like to hear. Meltdowns are brutal, for everyone involved.

Is there anything she fancies? Like many ASDs like animals, to an extreme sometimes but it's a start. If she does, I'd get her super interested in that, books, videos, movies (if she likes screen) and live ones too. It may help her to cope.

Also a lot of talking about planning, then planning, then her making a choice and her having a chance to change her mind about a choice she just made (like the dinner). Basically her knowing she can absolutely choose what and when and how.

I know 9yo can't make all the right choices but it may help.

Also read a book called Aspergirls. It may help. Even if she is not on the spectrum.

Lastly ASD is a gift (sometimes not for everyone but still). I'd not change a thing, if she feels safe and secure she'll grow out beating anything she sets her mind to :)

Good luck!

ThatGhastlyWoman · 17/10/2020 09:52

@ZooKeeper19 Thank you so much for your reply. It's really, really helpful and I will definitely be trying a couple of your suggestions. She really loves Japanese anime series, and yes- animals are a big thing for her, too. Her first 'meltdowns' were about our dog that died when she was 4; I will give that some thought, though another dog right now would probably be too big a big commitment.

Will go look at the book, though I may actually have read it- I looked into women's presentation with ASD a couple of years ago as I realised that my sister had a lot of the traits. Ironically, I do too (though less so) and began the process of being assessed myself for ADD and ASD before lockdown after being referred to a clinical psychologist for a combination of things.

Thanks again, I really appreciate your input.

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