feeding and sleeping routine

nsmith · 2007-10-11T11:04:44+00:00

help, my ds is 19 weeks old. i have tryed to routine his feeds and sleep with little success. when he wakes he wont feed for at least 30/40 mins and with regards to sleep he only naps for minimum 2hours throughout whole day, and doesnt even look like being sleepy until about 10pm at the earliest. i know he should be down to sleep about 7/8pm but he just wont. his weight gain is excellent so there is no worries there. but when i have tryed to routine his feeds he just wont eat until he is absolutely ready and these times vary every day....? any suggestions, i am not a fan of gina ford i find her routines far too strict...

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

thescaryRoskvamonster · 11/10/2007 13:14

At 19 weeks, my dd was going to bed at about 11pm. I started doing a quiet settling down routine in the evening (bath, cuddles, no crawling round the floor) before her last feed, which I gradually moved earlier and earlier. During the day, I let her sleep when she wanted to, and then started putting her in her cot at approximately the same time each day, and leaving her there even if she fussed (but if she cried, I went to her).

I always tried to feed her at approximately the same times, to, but this was always a bit flexible - if she wasn't hungry there was no point forcing her, and if she was really hungry, it just distressed everyone to make her wait too long.

Imo there is no 'should' when it comes to a baby - If you find a system that works for you and your baby, then that is fine. If you are happy with your baby going to bed at 10pm, then don't worry about it. If if you are not happy with that, then try to change things. Gradual changes worked better for me; other people may disagree with that.

thescaryRoskvamonster · 11/10/2007 13:14

At 19 weeks, my dd was going to bed at about 11pm. I started doing a quiet settling down routine in the evening (bath, cuddles, no crawling round the floor) before her last feed, which I gradually moved earlier and earlier. During the day, I let her sleep when she wanted to, and then started putting her in her cot at approximately the same time each day, and leaving her there even if she fussed (but if she cried, I went to her).

I always tried to feed her at approximately the same times, to, but this was always a bit flexible - if she wasn't hungry there was no point forcing her, and if she was really hungry, it just distressed everyone to make her wait too long.

Imo there is no 'should' when it comes to a baby - If you find a system that works for you and your baby, then that is fine. If you are happy with your baby going to bed at 10pm, then don't worry about it. If if you are not happy with that, then try to change things. Gradual changes worked better for me; other people may disagree with that.

HonoriaGlossop · 11/10/2007 13:34

I agree that there's no 'should' really; if your baby just WON'T sleep, you can't make him!

Just to give an idea, the routine that worked for us was getting up at 7am (or often before, if ds had his way) and feeding pretty much every 3 hours. I would jolly ds along for a bit, entertain him etc to get it to about 3 hours, because if he did that he had a big feed and was more able to go longer, etc etc which helped make life nicely predictable and made a routine easier for us. I put him in his cot at 9am (he had about an hour then) and then again, at 12 mid-day and he had a couple of hours.

After his 6/7pm feed we would put him up to bed in his cot, even if he looked totally not tired and was coping....luckily for us he did go down and would sleep till about 10 or 11pm when I fed him again before I went to bed myself.

However i have to say, ds slotted into those times with no real probs; I would not have persisted with that routine unless it had worked from day 1. If you're putting your baby down and he's crying for ages, that's not good and I wouldn't have done that, I would have tried different timings.

I also agree that small adjustments are good, don't change things all at once.

good luck.

herbgarden · 11/10/2007 13:36

Are you wanting to impose a routine ? I'm not sure from your post - you say you aren't a Gina fan but you can take some basic principles from that and then adapt to your own life/ likes/ what you feel comfortable with.

If you want more certainty and would like to impose a routine you have basically be consistent and try something for a couple of weeks - don't try to chop and change things daily if it doesn't work - babies aren't machines so will do odd things on odd days just to tell us that they're human too !

I always woke ds at 7am regardless of whether still asleep or not and then put him down when he looked knackered which (as he was always up at the same time) was around 9ish - I then moved that on to 9.30) - he'd sleep for about 45 mins tops. He'd have a bottle at this time.

I'd then give him another bottle post his 9/9/30 nap and I'd then give him a top up around 11.30 and take him for a walk in the buggy to get him used to a long sleep (or put him in his buggy inside the house somewhere quiet - didn't transfer him to his cot til about 8 months)- this sleep was anything from 45 mins to 2 hours depending on what we were up to.

He'd have another bottle at 2ish.

He'd then need another sleep at about 3.30 - 4ish for about 30/40 mins (he dropped this sleep by about 24 - 26 weeks). I never let him sleep past 5ish otherwise he wouldn't want to go down until too late.

Bottle at 5pm and then top up at about 6.30pm.

I always put him in his cot by 7pm with a dummy. He'd take about 30 mins to get off but the dummy kept him calm and peaceful. If he spat it out - I'd go up to him and put it in again. He then took to his thumb so went off up to bed, thumb in and off he went . A comforter might help too ?

let me know if I can help any more but you might find my way totally impalatable !!

herbgarden · 11/10/2007 13:39

Sorry just to say that this all might sound like a breeze (!) but generally this worked -illness and teething/ growth spurts and general off days throw everything out !!...do not worry . Once they start walking they get more knackered and tend to then want to sleep in a larger block in the day naturally. Just do what you can for now !

tori32 · 11/10/2007 13:46

Sorry, this may not help but I agree that it might help to take some of Gina Fords advice if you want routine. I found the length of time my dd could happily stay awake did tally with her ideas. I also found that when she missed her sleep times she got to the point where she would not sleep for hours because she couldn't unwind from the day. Usuaully between 1 and 2 weeks after putting them down at set times they do adjust and fall into routine. It doesn't happen overnight and there are times when you may need to leave baby to grumble for short periods (not screaming though.)

nailpolish · 11/10/2007 13:49

19 weeks

why not forget about the idea of routine and enjoy your baby

they are only little for such a short time

HonoriaGlossop · 11/10/2007 14:59

But a routine was what enabled us to enjoy our baby! He was always happy, contented, thriving and bonny and I had times during the day (at pretty much predictable times) when I could have a break and get organised and a bit ahead of myself.

Result - a happy household for 99% of the time!

Routine is great; if your baby slots in. It shouldn't be a struggle.

And I felt that routine was great for my ds, gave him enough to eat, enough rest and enough time with me to help him develop well and thrive. Of course 'go with the flow' can do this as well, I'm not saying it can't, depending on the person and the baby. But routine is what many babies thrive on so I don't think it's a thing to be about.

Anna8888 · 11/10/2007 15:06

My daughter (2.11) has always gone to bed at the same time as me - 9.30pm as a newborn, any time between 10.30 and 11.30 pm in the past year or so.

I thought that when she started school a month ago that she would need more sleep and that we would be able to get her to bed earlier - but no. She still goes to bed at 11-ish and gets up at 8am raring to go to school. Not tired at all.

I think they decide, not you .

HonoriaGlossop · 11/10/2007 15:09

exactly my point Anna - it's about finding the routine THEY want and need, not imposing one that doesn't work (which is impossible anyway!)

witchandchips · 11/10/2007 15:10

think its best to think in terms of eat play sleep cycles. At 19wks most babies need a another sleep around 3 hours after waking up, so you need to fit in a feed and an "activitiy", some hugs, some being gazed at adoringly etc. in those 3 hours. Much less than 3 hours then they won't be tired. More than that then they will get overtired and won't sleep.

Original poster

nsmith · 11/10/2007 18:41

this is for anna8888, does your child have a nap after school or has that just always been her pattern

OP posts:

BlueberryPancake · 11/10/2007 19:48

I don't follow a set 'routine' at all, however, DS2 who is 23 weeks old, gets tired about 2 to 2.30 hours after he has woken up. It's a great way to go about it - if he wakes up at 7, I can guarantee that he will be tired at 9 - 9.30. He sleeps for as long as he needs, and when he wakes up I start the clock again - he will be needing a sleep 2 to 2.30 hours later.

It often means that 'bedtime' is at different time, anytime between 7 and 9 really, but we stick to a 'routine' for that - bath, story, cuddle, bed. I suppose that as he gets older he will be able to stay awake for longer periods of time.

One of the books I read suggested that even babies who don't appear to have a natural routine do have one, and part of the solution is to write down their feed time and sleep time down for a few days and see if there's a patern. And then you can reinforce the patern and things become more predictable.

I have to admit that I enjoy the 'predictability' of my son's sleep, I know when to get home, go for a walk, go to the shops, etc without having a screaming baby who is overtired.

As for the feeds, what you are experience is fairly standard, DS2 eats when he is hungry and he wants it NOW. I just give him as much as he wants (or as little as he wants) whenever he wants it. It's pretty different every day. Like Honoria, we do give a 'dream feed' at about 10.30 pm, but sometimes he will only take 2 oz, sometimes 6 oz. He decides, we don't ever force feed him.

Anna8888 · 11/10/2007 20:59

nsmith - her nap is on the way out - it was on the way out before school started and since school began that hasn't changed much (apart from the first week when she slept at very odd times). So some days she naps and some days she doesn't. One week she didn't nap at all.

Anna8888 · 11/10/2007 21:00

Some children just don't need much sleep - that's always been my daughter's case, and it may be your LO's case too.