High maintenance at 2 1/2 - what can I do?

[DollyPopsOut]

Hello

My DD1 is driving me round the twist. She is 2 1/2 and goes to nursery 2 days a week. The rest of the time is at home with me and DD2 (7 months). I work from time to time on Sats (when DH has them both) and will be returning to work 2 days a week at the end of Nov.

We have just got back from 2 weeks in Spain so I am prepared for DD1 to be unsettled. However, she is so minky in the daytime - hitting, throwing things, pinching her sister, spitting (god help me). She has always been spirited but I am finding it a bit hard to deal with. She has slept really badly since we got back and has ended up in our bed every night. This means I get very little sleep and am rather crabby as a result the next day.

However, my real problem has come at bedtime. She still sleeps in a cot but is now large enough to vault over the top. She insists on one more story, song, etc and once I say "enough, back to bed etc" there are tears followed by an escape to the sitting room to come and find me. She wandered into our room last night at about 3am and scared the hell out of me. She wants me to snuggle her to sleep in the evening (which I haven't been doing) and seems determined to get her own way. IN the middle of the night, she either wants to snuggle, play or both.

She finally conked out at about quarter to ten tonight, following which her sister woke up for a feed. I am currently lying in bed with the 2 of them, my work for Sat untouched on the floor.

Any suggestions on how to keep her in her cot(which can be turned into a bed if that would help) very gratefully received.

Thank you.

How about a stair gate over her bedroom door, at least so she can't escape and frighten the life out of you?

good idea mrs m - anyone else ????

Stairgate on door. Turn the cot into a bed - no point having a cot if she's climbing out. Give her the option of 'reading' in bed with the light on. This works a treat with my DD (the same age) as she feels in control.

No idea, really, to keep her in her cot. We have let ours fall asleep downstairs, taken them up to bed and if they have woken in the night had a cot or bed settee or camp bed in our room for them to get into. They grow out of it sooner or later. Some sooner. Some a bit later. Much better for us than the insistence that they sleep in their own beds, in their own room by a certain age.

i go with stair gate on the door - i am just about to put DD into bed from cot - she is 27 mo but luckily cannot get out of cot yet - she is a bit small on it - but she does still waken up to 6/7 times a night so I am prepared for the whole 'house of tiny tearaways' back to bed routine - i think gate on door will help - be prepared for her to fall asleep on floor though but she will soon learn that bed is more comfy- do you think that girls are just that more stubborn? it is a battle of wills and she knows that cause of the holiday she has you vulnerable.

a tip i got from supernanny is to always tell them what is going to happen next and it seems to have worked in our house for stopping bedtime tantrums!

e.g you will have your milk and toast then a bath after that one story then sleep

after milk and toast: lets go and have a bath then you will have one story and then its sleep time

during bath: 5 more mins then you will be getting out of bath and can have one story and the its time for sleep! and so on

they dont seem to get so upset about things when they know exactly what is coming next

Hi Folly,
I have a 2 1/2 (3 in Jan) and if I let her, she would have I don't know how many stories and songs for bedtime. I give her 2 books to choose, and let her choose which song to sing. Some times we have tears as she doesn't get what she wants, but they don't last long. The more you give, the more they will take, so for your sanity, just say "no, it's bedtime" and let her moan a little bit, going back to the room for a kiss, and that is it. I had the same problem with my DD1 now almost 7, when she was that age. Now for the second one, I know better not to give in.
About coming to your room at night, probably a stairgate at the door is the best, or a few nights of you geting up every time to put her back to her bed. If she doesn't get any interaction from you, eg, no talk, play, nothing, soon she will stop. Or otherwise, try a sticker chart, is she doesn't wake up/go to your room at night, she gets a sticker, with a reward when she completes the chart.
Good luck!

Hello dolly
My dc3 is 2.3 and I completely understand...
Definite yes to a gate on the bedroom door (be careful which one you buy - my dc can get over some of them. We took side off cot once he could climb out - it was getting too dangerous. It meant he didn't stay in the bed once we left the room, but at least he wasn't injuring himself all the time.
We took all toys out of reach except quiet toys - books and puzzles, so less to stimulate him at bedtime.

Routine noe is that we put him in his bed, read to him, explain it is bedtime, and then leave him to it. He generally calls for us for a while, he may shout or cry, in which case we just go to the door and tell him to go to bed, but he mainly just plays for a while and then falls asleep on the floor after about 45 mins. We leave a small light on for him and a story tape.

Once asleep, we pop him into his bed, and tidy up whatever he has been playing with.
If he wakes at anytime before 7am, we do go to him, but just to tell him it is still night time and to go to sleep. We don't get him out of his room or give his any attention 'reward' for being awake at an ungodly hour. He is familiar with this now and wakes much less frequently and is not distressed when we tell him to go back to sleep.

Obviously, if unwell then the routine changes, but basically, we become 'no fun' during his sleep time hours in an effort to chow him there is no point mucking around and making a fuss.

Hope that helps, and doesn't sound too mean!
Good luck - I has a 20 month gap between my first two, and worked p/t too, so I know how tough it can be - sleep is essential to stay sane

CeciC - we sound similar in our approaches I think? (a sticker chart for my ds wouldn't work yet as he is too young, and has no sense of anything other than the present moment lol!)

Thanks girls - some really good suggestions here. Am currently running th ebedtime gauntlet as we speak. Will let you know how i get on.

Thanks again.

DollyPopsOut - your DD sounds similar to mine. I've had great success with the 'no fun during bedtime hours' rule - just quietly put her back to bed with no eye-contact and a low calm voice if necessary. She has been in a bed since 15 months though, due to being a scarily good climber. Basically I find with mine, if I tell her she's naughty it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy...but if I tell her she's good A LOT (i.e. every time she's not naughty, when she's had an opportunity to be) she is v. well behaved, and life is less stressful all round.

Having said that, I did have a mummy-tantrum this week...