5 year old arguing when time to leave play date

[Mamabearwhere]

Help. How do you deal with a 5 year old who makes leaving play dates such an ordeal and embarrassing process. She just starts misbehaving , saying she doesn’t want to go, talking back to me when I say it’s time to go. Today I gAve her a 15 minute reminder before time to go, then a 5 minute reminder and then when it was time up she started running around the persons house egging her friend on and just generally being unpleasant. She’s normally SO well behaved and very calm. She just hates when we have to leave play dates. In the end I ended up carrying her out of the house without shoes on and putting her in the car. Worst part is her 3 year old sister watches this and now starts copying her with this behaviour. Help.

You could try bribery. Say I've got a packet of biscuits in the car for someone who can put their shoes on nicely and say goodbye nicely.

give up on playdates until she's a bit older and calmer and can behave better when leaving

I think you're doing the right thing giving plenty of warning. I've been doing some reading on how to deal with tantrums or just unwanted behaviour and as well as what you're doing, perhaps getting down to her level on the floor, verbalise how she is feeling and what you intend to do - 'You feel upset that we have to leave now. You want to stay and play with your friends but we need to get home for lunch (or whatever)... I'm going to have to carry you out to the car as you are disturbing the others now.' Perhaps give her a choice before you leave to see if that helps- would you like to sit in the x seat or y seat?

I use the timer on my phone. My kids have more respect for the phone than me. It also stops me getting lost in conversation with the other parent.

Agree with timers. I also think you did the right think carrying her to the car, even though it feels mortifying at the time, it's better than trying to reason/bargain with a small child.

One thing I've found quite effective with my 4 year old is before the play date, make clear what you want to happen when it's time to leave, eg we're going to Sarah's house soon. When it's time to leave and come home, I don't want any fuss/running away/shouting etc. I want you to leave nicely with no fuss. If you leave nicely, I'm sure Sarah/Sarah's mum will want us to come and play again. If you make a fuss, I don't think they will want us to come and play again. Then when you give her the 15 mins reminder, also remind her, down at her level so you know she's listening, of the conversation you had, and remind her "if we leave nicely, we will come and play again. If we don't, I don't think Sarah will want us to come again." Keep reminding, calmly but firmly.

Good luck!

My son was so embarrassing when I went to collect him from a play date. He was 3.5 years old and the other child had a play station with a game that my boy loved playing and really played up and wouldn’t come with me to go home. I had to bribe him that I would get him the same game the next day. I have also had the reverse when children came to our house to play and didn’t want to go home.