Sleep deprived please help!

[rubyshoes]

My DD will not go to sleep on her own, still wakes about 4-5 times a night, will only sleep for about 20 min in the day, she is 5 months now, still bfing. I am so exhausted and have 2 ds who are suffering because of lack of attention not to mention my dp. I have been looking at the millpond sleep clinic site can anyone recommend them? I have tried all sorts of things to get her to sleep read tons of baby books, even... "please don't shout at me" Gina ?

we did the babywhisperer method with our boy. it worked for us. doesn't for everyone. was less horrible than controlled crying but you still have to be patient and strong. we had to redo it recently, cos he forgot how to sleep independently, but seems to have got it again.
Tracey Hogg. i would advise checking it out.
BUT wouldn't buy any "method" wholesale. and your lo is only 5 mths, still totally normal to feed at night. i think most clinics won't take babies before 6 mths because its so normal for them to wake. they are still growing and breastmilk is at it's richest at night so will make her grow more.
the other thing is better naps usually help with night sleep. maybe try to prioritise getting her to nap, sleeping with her (?) if necessarily (The Babywhisperer wouldn't agree with that!)
good luck.

The HV lent me her copy of 'teach your child to sleep' which is written by The Millpond Sleep Clinic when my lo was 9 months old. We had had terrible sleep problems from 4 months but I decided that he really needed the bf between 4 and 6 months as he was going through a growth spurt and he was too distractable in the day. Anyway once I felt weaning was established and he really did not need the huge amount of night feeds I did the gradual withdrawl / retreat method as recommended in the book. I did the method that was suggested for a younger baby as I did not want him to cry too much. I certainly had real progress with the method even though it was slow BUT we did not have a huge amount of crying and were able to go backwards and forwards using the method if he was unwell. It worked well for naps as well as night time sleeps.

Five months is still very young but it is exhausting and i can't imagine how tiring it must be when you have other DC as well.

Thank you for your messages, I have tried baby whisperer, it didn't really help. Today she had 10 mins sleep from 7-12. At 12 I tried to put her down and after an hour of her crying and me going back to settle her every few mins I gave up. I couldn't stand it, her little face all red at wet with tears, I know I probably sound really soft. She is already on solids because she has a reflux and they thought it would help because of that and she is a big hungry girl. She is a bit of a shock to the system, my ds's were very different, I am starting to feel like a failure and I should know what I am doing because she is my 3rd!

I too would have recommended the babywhisperer which was successful with my DD2. DD1 did not sleep through til 10 months old and slept off and on during the day. I was back to work but still getting up 3 a.m. and having to sit by her cot for anything up to an hour until she fell asleep. I think my body got used to it. How we resolved the situation at 10 months was letting her cry to sleep one night (45 minutes) and she slept through the night from then onwards. I had to do it cruel as it seems. I think she is is still relatively young for sleep clinic and a lot of babies are still waking at night at this age. Hang in there. It will get better.

We alternated nights when things got too bad with the tiredness. Weekends we had a couple of hours sleep in the afternoon, too (separately of course ) Just remember 'this too shall pass'. Honest.

How old was your lo when you tried the baby whisperer method? I had similar problems with my DS, and found that Tracy Hogg's method didn't really work in the first few months. We really suffered during the day, because my DS wouldn't sleep more than 20-30 mins at a time, and spent practically the whole day crying in exhaustion. We went through a short phase when - in desperation - I ended up holding him while he was sleeping. And then at around 5 months I found that he reacted better to the baby whisperer method and one day he just started sleeping for longer periods. But I really had to persist with it. I clearly remember wanting to pull my hair out. And fantasising about putting him in the pram, walking to the corner shop and buying a packet of ciggies - which I hadn't done for about a year and a half before that.

You are not a failure and you are not soft. You are a caring mum trying really hard to do her best for her daughter.

I would really recommend the 'teach your child to sleep' book. It did save my sanity. Sleep deprivation does terrible things to you.

Could you get someone to give you a break for part of the day - maybe express some milk. So you could have a well earned rest.

rubyshoes I have to say - my DS is 20 months now and until about a couple months back I swore he held the title of the "King of SleepLESSness."

Now, we're not "there" yet - we still get up about twice a night but what a difference from every hour!

Here is what we find helpful:

1. VERY consistent bed time routine. And I mean including time - to the minute. Dinner at 7 pm, quiet play, warm bath at 7:20 pm, light massage, warm milk, in bed by 7:30 pm.

2. He does MUCH better falling to sleep with my DH (seems to know he can bring me back a few more times than daddy). So I kiss him good night and walk out. My DH stays with him until he finishes milk and then firmly walks out.

3. At times DS might fuss for a bit, might toss and turn but we do not go in (even if he is tossing for good 20-30 min) unless he starts crying. I mean crying - not fussing - crying.

4. Don't know if your DD is in her own room but we found it really helped when we moved DS from our bedroom into his room.

5. He only takes 1 nap a day (unrealistic yet for your DD) - but a long one. Usually no less than 2.5 hours. He couldn't do that for us until he went to daycare - DON'T KNOW HOW IN THE WORLD they did that - but now even on weekends he goes done at noon and sleeps until 3 pm.

One thing I do is again I stick to routine. So even if he seems a bit droopy before noon - I try to entertain him and NOT put him down before (contrarily to a method of putting the baby down the min you see him/ her getting sleepy).

I'd also make sure you get your DC to help out by playing up a lot with her so she IS tired.

GOOD LUCK - nothing is a charm - but things will fall into place. They WILL!