i think dd1 needs some help :(

[LadyVictoriaOfCake]

since peter has come home, she has become very anxious. she is worried about different oarts iof her body failing. she has asked today what happens if your kidneys stop working. she has also asked about her liver. she says she is worried about dying, i get a lot of 'what happens if i swallow plastic/blade of grass/spider, will i die?' i have told her basically that thet stomache will deal with anything she swallows that she shouldnt, but its daily she needs reassurence that she isnt going to die if she swallows some grass (i have also told her not to put stuff in her mouth if she isnt meant to eat it ). i am tired (not sick and tired, just mentally exhausted) of all this reassurence. i thin kthe problem is link to peters transplant and all of the last 3years of hell.

i really dont know where to start on getting her some help. tonight she was sobbing in my arms as she is so so worried.

You're probably right, how old is she again?. I guess you just have to keep reassuring her, have you looked on the various transplant sites? Searched Amazon for a good book you can get from the library? have you asked the transplant co-ordinator/sister at the hosp?
Not much help sorry. I think they often do go through this phase but it must have been heightened/started etc by all the recent events.

she is 7.5years old.

wow
so she's really old enough to have a very good awareness of everything recently, poor wee thing she must be so scared.
Do any of the transplant sites have anything on?
(still trying to think of ideas here)

very aware. i dont want to just lie and days 'everything is fine and dandy' she asked today if dh would ever need another transplant. i couldnt say no, as that would be lying. there is a chance he will need another in many years time, or a kidney transplant (or other organs), but i told her the doctors are very pleased with Daddy and his progress,and anything else would be many many years away.

havent checked transplant site. i must get in touch with harefield and chat to them about it about some help for dd1. as its scary enough to deal with as an adult, let alone as a child.

i did wrong today, i should've just said no he wouldnt ever need another one

It's so difficult isn't it?
Whilst I would never be able to tell you how to deal with this and wouldn't dream of telling you how to relate to your dd I guess what she wants from you is reassurance that she and her df are going to be fine.

I don't think you did wrong, you told her the truth but in a non worrying way. If you don't tell the truth at this age they know.
Have you thought maybe of diverting the convo. to get her to think of all the lovely things she will do with her df? What does she like? Does she want to get married? If you talk about things way in the future and Daddy being there that might help.
Obv. not possible through sobs

always answered her questions as honestly as possible. she asks peter what all his meds are for, reminds him he needs to take them, wakes him up to take them if i am busy in the kitchen. she is my little angel and i hate seeing her so distressed. she needs to be a kid and not worry about stuff like this.

desperatly trying to keep thye family going and seeing to everyone needs. seems like everyone is finally falling apart a bit.

I would think it would be more remarkable if everyone didn't fall apart a bit now!
Changing the subject but linking nicely with falling apart when are you going on that weekend away? that will be a nice break. I know you're at Hatfield every minute still....
I would ask co-ordinator bet they can help (and websites, blogs etc)
I bet this is a real issue for children who have had transplants themselves

Do you think the school could arrange some proper councelling for her? You can only do so much - in a way because you are her mother you are almost TOO close. Can you talk to the teachers and see if they can stir something up for you>??

LVC, ds1 was a bit like this when my Dad died. My Dad died of a heart attack but it was diabetes-related. Ds1 started refusing anything with sugar in it ( No bad thing, that, but not normal for a 5 year old!) and asking questions about health and death. I just tried to answer everything honestly but positively IYKWIM. If he asked about heart failure, I would tell him that it hardly ever happens and that you can eat most foods so long as you don't eat too many of the wrong things. Gradually, he seemed to forget about if and carry on normally.

Hi Misdee. My DSS went through this for a stage, he was very anxious about dying and what could cause him to die. He got a bit OCD and had lots of panic attacks.

We got him some counselling and he's right as rain now. We weren't entirely sure what triggered his anxiety (although we were told it is becoming increasingly common in children) but with your DD1 it's quite clear and she'll be able to get lots of good/appropriate help.

I think this is quite normal tbh and you're doing a great job. As another poster said it would be strange if the pressure of the last few years wasn't released now.

thank you.

dh is going to try and get hold of lady at harefield tomorrow whilst he is there, hopefully ashe can point us in the right direction.

Any luck?
Have been wondering whether they came up with anything

Sorry just realised you said thursday!

Oh, Misdee, dd2 (7.10) is having the same sort of problems but for a different reason. Because xp left, she thinks I am going to leave her, and she keeps sobbing that I am going to die, and she will need to be adopted etc. Also her handwashing obsession has started again.

I think I am going to contact the school nurse and see if they can get her any help.

Makes you so sad doesn't it ? I had such a hard time not sobbing when dd was telling me how she felt.