Three Year Old Refuses to Use Potty or Toilet

[Mamank89]

Hi I am completely at the end of my tether with my 3 and a half year old daughter. She is so bright, really intelligent and has hit all of her milestones (not that this matters I know that but it is kind of relevant for the point I’m making) early and has always been really advanced with everything... except for toileting!
We have had a potty for as long as I can remember and the very first time she sat on it at about 18 months she actually did a wee, and since that she has done two more although the volume was so small I feel like a fraud calling it a wee it was more like a leak! It’s as though she is scared to do her business anywhere except in a pull-up, and this has gradually gotten worse to the point where lately she protests about having a bath (which she used to love and would protest about getting out!!) because she’s worried about having an accident in there, and will sit and hold her bottom front and back while I try to wash her hair as quickly as possible so she can get out...
I’ve tried every technique I can think of, I’ve tried bribery, tried tough love, tried comparing her to other children she knows who are dry and literally nothing has been effective. She will hold and hold and hold until I give In and let her have a pull-up on which she immediately wees in - she knows what she’s doing and it’s so frustrating.
Any advice would be so gratefully received - not here for judgement just a desperate mum who is running out of ideas!

At her age especially if she's smart I'd just ditch the pullups 100%. She won't explode her bladder. Make it clear on no uncertain terms that she needs to nail this. Bare from the waist down and potty right there until she is fully engaging with the idea and really gets it then go commando for as much as you can (if she's in childcare they'll probably not allow this) If she's 3 and got her wits about her then there's no way she isn't capable of getting this. It's a will not a way thing. You just have to have the stronger will and plenty of pairs of leggings I used a book called oh crap potty training with my LO and it was a doddle. Would definitely recommend it xx

PS did you know there is a potty training forum on here? Might be worth popping this post on there too for more response xx

Have you tried -
Letting her have a pullup but insisting she needs to sit on the potty or toilet to actually wee - if she resists maybe have a sticker chart / small treats for doing this
Then when she stops protesting about that, have the pullup open on the toilet / potty to wee or poo on.
Then when that is nailed, a hole in them.
Then taken away completely.

I don't think cold turkey like the other poster says is a good idea because if she holds too much she could get a UTI or constipation which will make everything way harder

I work in healthcare. I highly doubt she will give herself a UTI just from holding her pee in for a little while. Our bodies are trained to empty our bladder after they fill to a certain point whether we like it or not anyway. A way to minimise it would be to gove plenty of fluids then she will reach that point quicker and flush her bladder out quicker. It's up to you OP but I stand by what I said. I think you'll have more issues if you offer pullups as an alternative. It confuses them and it's giving her the message that she can learn this if she wants but she's always got them as a backup. That'll make things 100 x harder when the problem is probably that she's already decided she's quite happy not to learn to use a toilet thank you very much. You don't need to be harsh about it but I do think you need to let her know she has no choice. Good luck xx