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Behaviour/development

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5 year old hates talking about feelings

1 reply

KinderWild · 19/09/2020 20:16

Hello - my little boy is 4, 5 in a couple of weeks and an only child. He is having more frequent outbursts recently. Particularly towards his dad. Shouting and thrashing about. Mainly when he's asked to tidy up!

I asked him to go upstairs and took the game away he was playing with after an outburst this evening. I went to speak with him to find out how he is feeling and tell him that we don't shout, or hit. And he screamed at me that he hates talking about his feelings. I left it for a while and then just before bedtime he said again, I hate talking about my feelings. I asked why. He said he just does. I explained that feelings are normal and that talking about them can help us understand them and find ways to manage them. But he is adamant - no talking about feelings. This isn't the first time he has said this. Any suggestions?

He is yet to start school because of covid and a delayed settled. I don't think this has helped as he's gone from being in a nursery 3 days a week to home with us for 3 weeks.

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Tacca · 21/09/2020 10:33

There is normally only a few reasons they wont talk about feelings.

A) They are struggling to cope with something which is too traumatic for them to process, which is less likely in a loving home.
B) They don't think you will like the answer
C) They like the attention they get if they don't tell you
D) Autism / adhd etc

Whilst there are many reasons they don't think you will like the answer, your message seems to suggest that the reason is that he does it, is to get what he wants and he doesn't want to tell you this as he would get in to trouble. The reason I say this is when you tried to speak to him his initial response, which is normally the default go to action that the child knows, was to scream at you.

It may be born out of frustration due to lockdown, but if he screams and shouts I would tell him that he is still doing his chores and is now losing his favourite toy for the day. This is just so he learns he can't get out of doing it and if he tries he will lose something he values.

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