Why you need to be thick skinned for this parenting lark!

[jellybrain]

I was getting dd 2.2 ready for bed last night and started to sing her a song.This was our conversation;

Me: Twinkle,twinkle.....
DD: No STOP IT
ME: Little
DD: SToooop (very pained expression)
ME: don't you like my singing?
DD: Its too hobobul(horrible)mummy. Lets read a book shall we?

Well I did ask

Dd:Mummy you got a spot (poke prod etc)
Me: oh, have I
DD:Yes, I need to get B's maglieefying (sic)glass so I can look at it better

LOVE this thread!!!

Fortunately my two DD haven't started with those lines yet although DD1 will probably start any minute!

Love the posh aunty one

Forgot to add that I'm glad I'm not the only one that when I start singing DD1 and DH start shouting above me to stop me

Ds (nearly 4) told me this morning "you know mummy, I only love daddy and grandpa". Then launches himself at me and gives me a big cuddle. Men - such fickle creatures

My DD1 (2.4) spied the mop in the kitchen. Now bearing in mind DH does all the mopping as I work nights and we all know mopping has to be done BEFORE you go to bed(!?!?!?). She pipes up dadda mop
me Oh daddy mops does he?
DD1 (Y)esss. Dadda clean
SHE Oh is daddy clean
DD1 Nooooo dadda do clean. Dadda osh up (wash up), dadda cook (?er when?) dadda howver
ME (a litle tetchily) Oh and what does mommy do?
DD1 (looks thoughtful for waaay too long) er momma trump!!!
The worst bit was daddy was in the room at the time - pissing himself

When I was about 6 I used to go to Wildlife Watch things at the weekend, learning about trees and animals and mud etc. Came home one saturday, got put in the bath, stepdad came in to do a wee and I told him "your willy looks like an owl pellet".

Me to DD1: "you should eat up all your vegetables so that you grow up big and strong."

DD1: "I don't want to be big and strong mummy, I want to be just like you."

lol
doodledoo..thats a corker!
serin..got the recipe?..not! lol

They don't get any kinder when they get older. Ds (12) was in bed this morning with flu, and I was on the computer. Will Young came on the radio and I sang along with gusto.
Ds appeared in the doorway and said "Oh it's you. I heard a wierd moaning sound and wondered what it was."

Drying myself after my shower, DD (3) walks in:

"Yuck, mummy, when I grow up I don't want a hairy bottom like you."

Ds then age 5, informed me I had a bottom "just like Mr Jelly"

Oh the silver tongued charmer......

DD (3.3) loves "Granny all the time, Grandpa all the time and Daddy all the time".

What about me? I'm just there all the time

dd2 (17months) shakes her head when i start singing

dd1 used to look at me and say firmly "today is not a singing day thank you!"

now she joins in

hopefully dd2 will get used to it too!

My son's speech therapist has a knack of asking questions that elicit the most embarrassing answers. The latest ...

Speech Therapist: And what does Daddy do?

Son: He works at a circus

Speech Therapist: A circus?

Son: Yes he's a clown

(DH works in IT)

dd told staff at nursery i was a dancer and i arrived to find them all sparkly eyed in wonder at me. there really wasn't a way to let them down gently, i work in IT.

I picked up ds2 (3.5) from nursery the other day, gave him a huge hug and said "mmm, your hair smells nice"

He replied in a nice loud voice in front of all the other mums "and you mummy... you smell STINKY!"

my friends little boy said to her "don't worry mummy your not fat your just large" well if that wouldn't make you feel better

These are fab - I honestly haven't laughed out loud like this for ages!

DD (3), DH and me were in our bedroom discussing about going to swim

DH : So dd, are you happy that Mummy comes with us at the swimming pool ?

DD : No Daddy, she cant come !

DH : Why that dd ?

DD : Well...she's too fat and then she pointed at me : Look at her...

Maybe it's time to lose all that baby weight..

At M&T 3 year old ds goes round all the mums giving them pretend cups of tea with the tea set they have there.
When he gets to me he always, without fail, gives me a plastic wine glass and says 'wine mummy? I know you don't like tea'
They probably all think I drink wine at 2.30pm !!

according to dd i look like miss trunchbal

my niece, not yet 3, was begging me the other day to draw stuff for her. im admittedly not artistic but i did a cat as requested which was at least recognisable. she looked at me sternly and said "it's not very good is it?"
thank god ds cant talk yet.

"Mummy that spot has got so big we can't see your nose...

and your nose is big - so the spot must be 'normous"

Cue two hours of singing "Mummy has a normous spot, normous spot, normous spot. Mummy has a normous spot and her nose is big" to the tune of London bridge.

I am allowed to sing though (expect KT Tunstall songs which only he is allowed to do cover versions of).

I'm sure bestfriend will kill me if she reads this, but ...

(scene: Sunday school for 4-6 year olds, being led by Bishop's wife... )

BF's 5yrs old daughter to Bishop's wife: You've got bosoms on your bosoms like my mummy ...I can see them.

(bosoms on bosoms being nipples)

dd (2.7) to dh 'Are you old daddy?'

dh 'Why?'

(dd points to his forehead) 'Coz you've got stripes!'

and a few minutes later, looking up her fathers nose 'eewwwww, spiders up your nose!'

(not a good morning for dh!) Mind you, I get 'I'll do your belt up mummy - oh no, your belly is too fat' quite often in the mornings!