My two year old keeps lashing out

[Whyemseeaye]

I have a two small children. One 2.5 years and the other 11 months.

My oldest child has always been pretty quiet and well behaved.

Without sounding ridiculous we've been told he's ahead of his peers in terms of his numeracy/literary. So he's always been quite happy to play quietly with a number book or doing his spellings etc.

However, recently he's become quite aggressive and it's always directed at me.

I'm a SAHM and have spent every day with DS and sibling since they were born. This has only recently changed as eldest started nursery a few mornings a week.

I think the nursery has been a good thing for his confidence etc. So am not blaming them at all.

But I'm finding his behaviour so demoralising and tough to deal with. I know it's probably part of the "terrible two's" but my God it's wearing me thin!

Every morning I wake him up and he takes one look at me and cries for his daddy. Not the best start to the day for me!

Recently its started that when I wake him up from his nap after lunch and he is hysterical. Crying, hitting me, kicking. All the time asking for his daddy.

I think the issue is two things - one, I'm spending all my time doing everything for and with the children. So am hurt that my son so obviously favours his father.

Second, I need some tips on how to deal with these epic meltdowns and the lashing out.

Both are making me thoroughly miserable. I know it's a phase and will pass but I'm starting to feel like this is how my child is going to view me forever The mean parent who enforce rules and is to be rebelled against vs my husband who is super dad who does all the fun stuff.

For information my husband is hands on. Does baths, pick ups etc. but works long hours, and we have found ourselves in quite a traditional set up!

Any advice or thoughts welcome. I'm aware this probably sounds like a non issue to many but I'm honestly so sad about the whole situation ☹️

Definitely sounds like terrible 2s. Setting some boundaries is a good idea- if you hurt mummy you will miss out on XYZ. At the same time rewarding positive behaviour with sticker charts and lots of praise and love. Always follow through!

Don’t worry about the preferring daddy thing it’s totally normal and you can bet he’d be crying for you if you were gone all day too. Children need order and boundaries at this age especially, you aren’t there to be a friend your there to be his mummy and you’ll reap the benefits by starting to manage behaviour early.

To help give you confidence there’s lots of books and YouTube videos out there you could have a look at for tips and tricks for managing the tantrums. Don’t worry it’ll pass he won’t be like this forever!

It's probably insecurity due to time commitments with the baby. I imagine your younger one is getting more and more mobile and therefore more and more demanding? I'd set aside small chunks of time at least with him to spend alone with you and daddy. Agree with pp that he is probably just crying more for daddy because he spends less time one to one with him and craving his time more. He might be happy to learn numbers and spelling etc and that's awesome but I don't see how at 2.5 he's genuinely capable of sitting and reading a book and learning independently. My 2YO is a good little counter etc but I still incorporate it into play and that's a vital part of their development at this age. Obviously you have to let them know that aggressive behaviour is not acceptable but I think you can probably combat a lot of it by being proactive and anticipating what he needs. Good luck xx

Like you say it’s definitely a phase. Try not to take it personally.

Keep things simple - if he does unacceptable things, quickly step in to say no, and physically prevent him from lashing out if you have to. The second he stops, generous praise and back to happy things.

Try not to over complicate it or look for in-depth reasons. At this age they will all experiment with their own emotions, and the power that they have on others. You just have to remind yourself this will pass, I promise!

My DD had real daddy phases as a 2yo and it’s hard not to feel dejected. But after a few weeks, she was a mummy’s girl again. I’m sure there will be lots of phases like that to come!

It’s hard to parent lovingly when you get nothing back, but stick to your guns. He will trust, respect and love you more if you hold firm to your expectations of him. I think all children like to push the boundaries in different ways, and find reassurance when they find where the line is!

Hugs - 2 year olds can be seriously tough!!! X

Thanks for your replies @Hopingforhappiness1 @Jannt86 @Gerdticker

He's actually been a lot better over the last week so hopefully we're turning a corner 😊