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Behaviour/development

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Very shy 5 yo?

5 replies

willowdeandickson · 11/09/2020 09:48

My 5yo (just started Y1) is what we’ve always called ‘shy’. At home he is extremely boisterous and loud, but outside the house he is very quiet/visibly anxious/shy in many situations.
He was slow to start talking (wasn’t properly speaking until he started pre-school) and his amazing nursery teacher really helped get him to come out of himself in school, she described him as ‘slow to warm up’ and said he just needed his own time to get comfortable and she wasn’t concerned.
Before starting preschool he would have mostly refused to participate in toddler classes, but now he will get involved, albeit generally not talking much, and is happy for us to leave and come back.

He will talk and play with our friends’ children, he won’t always say much but says enough to engage in play with them and he is never without people to play with in school. He also must talk to his school friends as he tells me stuff about them and things they’ve said in response to stuff he’s told them.
Last year in Reception he only spoke to the teacher/TA a handful of times, he was doing it more frequently but then lockdown happened.
Now he’s in Y1, the continuity of class from last year has helped however any time we see his classmates he will refuse to talk to them and cover his face if we are there. This happened a few times over the summer if we saw them out and about, but I put it down to lockdown. However now if we are at school and one of them calls to him to walk in with him or says hi/bye he does this.
He is quiet in class, and I worry he will miss out on so many activities if we can’t help him. Last year he was in the ‘bottom’ groups because the teacher couldn’t figure out his ability level. Her only advice was we had to tell him to speak to make him do it in class Hmm

How do I address this? Do we let him grow out of it in his own time or does it require intervention?

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Debradoyourecall · 11/09/2020 15:42

Following as my four year old is very similar. I was a shy and anxious child too, I’m starting to wonder if it’s genetic. Wish I knew how to help him.

willowdeandickson · 11/09/2020 16:07

Same, DH apparently behaved like this as a child although he is an extrovert as an adult, I would be shy and an introvert myself though I cover it up well... so definitely think there’s a genetic element, but just worry about it holding him back and missing out on so much Sad Don’t want to force the issue either...

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RenataLander · 16/10/2020 13:09

I am wondering about this: "because the teacher couldn’t figure out his ability level". Just how? It's also the teacher's job to help children with socialization. You can ask the teacher what is the problem. Maybe there are happening something you don't know about.
BTW, my child is also shy, it was so hard for him to talk to someone. He can't read an essay, he gets nervous. Now it's better, I think it depends on age. Talk to him, and everything will be fine!

willowdeandickson · 16/10/2020 13:31

@RenataLander I wrote my original post at the start of term... the different teacher has made all the difference! He is much better suited to her approach to things, and she said that’s part of her job to help with the socialisation, whereas last year it was put back on him/us by the teacher. He is already speaking out much more and it’s so lovely to see as, although still shy, he is really enjoying school now.

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Debradoyourecall · 16/10/2020 19:51

@willowdeandickson this is great news Smile

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