Terrible twos are making me desperate

[Alice182]

I have one dd 5, one dd 2 and three quarters and am 7 months pg with no 3. My second dd is just pushing me to the limit all the time at the moment. Everything seems to be greeted with a tantrum, including a strop of about an hour and a half first thing when she gets up. Its getting to the stage where the two days a week that I don't work, which are meant to be me and her lovely times are so awful that I'd rather be at work! I'm very aware that she may be picking up on the fact a new baby is on its way, to make matters worse, she has always co=slept with us, and we are now trying to stop this, in prep for no 3, so she is probably feeling very unsettled and rejected. However, I'm very tired and so patience is running out. We have a reward chart for positive behaviour, and I use time out when things are not going so well. What worries me the most is how I feel about her at the moment, when I really don't like her very much (as opposed to love) and I'm sure she picks up on this and we just go round and round in our little vicious circle. To make matters worse, her dad, who she adores, has either been working weekends or away for the last 5 weeks, and so it is just horrid mum who is the responsible adult. Some tips please!!!!!!! How do I rediscover the happy and lovely little girl that I know is in there somewhere?

I have so much sympathy for you i am also going through this with my dd but she is only 21 months she has started early.

I have no words of wisom but i know the feeling of dreading every day, my dd has been the worst in the last 4 days than ever, she screams, she wakes up screaming, she throws tantrums if she can't get her own way, she follows me round the house screaming, she picks things up & throws them, she is also pushing me to my limit.

I locked myself in the bathroom yesterday because i could not bear her screaming, i sat on the floor & thought about walk out the house & never comeing back but i got through it.

I am with my dd all day every day & it is hard hard hard.

No advice but lots of understanding will be watching for advice.

poor you, i am just coming out the other side with DS who is nearly 3. When i had DS2, ds1 was 21 months old and for what seemed like every day, he lived on the bottom step, or in his room having 'time out'. I don't have a solution, she is probably very unsettled and trying to make sense of what is going on, it is so hard when you are pg and even harder with a newborn, but it will get better, just carry on with what you are doing, but try and stay positive, i know it is hard, the best piece of advice i've ever been given on here is that toddlers really reflect your behaviour, so the more you get stressed, the more she will. Walk away and take a deep breath for 5 minutes if you need to & make sure that you encourage the good behaviour as much as possible.

Poor you... you must be knackered!!

What kinds of things is she tantrumming about? Is there anything you can 'let go'? (You know, picking your battles... something I picked up from here which I found really useful)

Eg, dd1 went through a stage of insisting she choose her clothes. Made life a lot easier when I let her get on with it.

She also went through several stages of wetting (particularly when dd2 arrived). Again, improved massively when I just ignored it.

I think yuo're right, the new baby is probably unsettling her. I suppose she needs loads of love and reassurance (which i'm sure you're giving her!) I also found getting out of the house improved things.

Good luck!

A reward chart probably wont have much effect at that age.

Although it's hard, keep your voice low and what you say simple. When she's having the screaming ab dabs your gentle reasoning will sound to her like nothing more than 'blah blah blah'.

Thanks v much for your kind words and reassurance that I am not alone! She tantrums about anything e.g being given the "wrong cup" so I am trying to be flexible about what really matters and what doesn't. She has actually been quite cheerful today, which has been brilliant, so I am inevtiably finding it much easier to be calm and cheerful too - as you say stress breeds stress! Anyway, thanks again

I would recommend the book 'Toddler Taming' by Christopher Green. I used some of his methods with my DD1 (now a very sweet seven) and it stopped me from feeling overwhlemed by her rage!

www.amazon.co.uk/Toddler-Taming-Parents-Guide-First/dp/0091875285

Good luck! I have a two year old once more in the form of DD2 and she has her moments too, so you have my greatest sypmathy.

Patsy x