We are a 15 year old French girl living with us for a year.....advice needed

[BeetrootMNRoyalty]

She is sweet, bright etc.

She is going to school here

But she is not active - tbh she is a wee bit lazy!

All my kids are very very active, busy, people

they rarely blob, rarely sit and watch TV

She does not want to to do sport, any activities we have suggested she does not like.

At Her home she does not have a TV - so she seems to be making up for it now.

Today she banged her toe )her little toe) and that is stopping her form doing anything - so No tennis (something we have encouraged her to do but she does not want to do) No going for a walk, going to skate park with the kids - just sitting watching TV!

What shall I do?

she is a nice girl - though

yes she is good at those cod {smile]

Will give her a bit more time to come up with something- and take her to scouts - make her go!!

i know it must seem strange but you and your family are naturally active people buit she is not your child and maybe shouldnt be forced to be active but maybe insist on twice a week all doing something together your dc are active as have been raised to be but she probably hasnt and is an individual just encourage her but remember she isnt like your dc she is a teenage girl away from home and probably feeling like a bit of an outsider as everyone else is so active

but dont think of her as lazy she just hasnt been raised to be like you and your family just do some things together get to know her likes and dislikes a bit more she may have other interests she would like to do

and maybe talking to her friends on msn she is able to tell people how she feels as you seem to think she is lazy and cannot understand why she doesnt ewant to do anything but she has been raised different and you really shouldnt make her feel bad for not bein g as active

could you not see if there are other french children her age close by and arrange a meet up or ask her what she would like to do go for a meal or cinema or a dance

she isnt a lazy child not everyone likes to be on the go all the time maybe you could ask why she doesnt arrange to meet girls you n=might find they dont invite her to do stuff

maybe you and her can do something just you to and you might see she has many other qualities if your not all rushing around so much

Do you have a "Cercle Francais" in your area? You know, a discussion group where English speakers go to speak French and overwhelm any French speaker mad enough to show up?

Seriously, you could try to encourage her in her natural area of excellence, i.e. French. There must be GCSE'ers who would be keen on speaking French with a real Frog.

A lot of Froggies are completely gob-smacked by differences between Brit and French culture and not in a good way. They often hate our food and our habits. I'm not trying to be mean here, I live in France and I just love them to bits, but I have had some surreal discussions about jelly, lamb with mint sauce, not rinseing (sp?) the dishes after washing up and having baths. I'm just trying to say that there could be a lot going on in her little 15 yr old head that she's not telling you about!

At home she is encouraged to use her initiative, they do not have a TV etc.

I do not want her to be like my children. They are busy kids, many would say to busy. But she needs to fit in with the family she is staying with iykwim. She needs to step up to the mark a bit.

But she needs to find some interests out of the house.

perhaps though she needs a bit more time to settle in - she is at school all day which can be exhausting in a foreign country.

I am not horrid to her btw. I do not tell her she is lazy

I am encouraging and supportive

your lot are all musical, aren't they? Instruments and choirs I think. Couldn't you get her into a choir?

I think she needs (dare I say it) a BOYfriend. And when that happens, she will be so full of energy and trying to evade your eye, you will be wanting to lock her in all afternoon.

I think just give it some time, she hasn't been there long.

Message withdrawn

she can't sing
she does not like playing an instrument]
she does not liek sport

A boyfriend [ jeeeesssussss! Can you imagine the stress?

I can I can!!

i'm not saying in any way you are nasty to her i wouldnt imagine you would be i'm just saying in your mind this is how your seeing her but you have to remember not everyone leads hectic lives like your family and her pace of life has probbaly always been slower and more relaxed so dont expect hewr to fit in with how your family do things but push for what she would really like to do

Many of us like the idea of something - for example travelling to some foreign land - but very often, the fantasy does not much up reality, and this leads to disappointment and ultimately, depression. This girl sounds a little depressed and sad. There are many every day things that people - teenagers especially - take for granted. It may have just dawned on her that the things she has been taking for granted (may not have even realised how important to her) are no longer at her beckon call, and she may be grieving but is too embarrassed or proud to admit this.
I would approach her and ask her: Has England so far matched up to expectations? Try to ascertain what she thought England would be like. What did she expect? How different is it? What does she like? What does she miss? But a word of warning: don't be surprised if she bursts into tears or turns stroppy and walks off.

I wonder if she's finding the language thing harder than she is letting on. It can be really difficult to follow what a group of teenagers are saying when they are all together and chipping in and so on. She might be finding it more difficult than she thought she would but doesn't want to admit it having pushed to come. Don't know what the solution is though unless you can find her some sort of activity. Would have thought Guides could be a good thing maybe?

I do remember finding it very difficult when I did an exchange to France and can see that the easy option for her is to stay in & MSN in French.

bubbla - but she needs to do something.

She cannot just sit around the house ALL day/after school/weekendds

And whatever I suggest she does not want to do it

MOH and CS - both good points. Will sit down with her this weekend

She's probably just tired after speaking English at school. I did an exchange to France when I was seventeen and I was exhausted in the evenings after making the effort in a foreign language all day long and all I wanted to do was blob in front of the t.v., read a book in English, or play games on the computer. I did not want to go out and have to interact with people in a foreign language, my host mother worried a bit about me especially because her daughter was always busy with after-school activities and sport, but even back home I tended to relax in the evenings and socialise with friends (as well as doing my homework) as opposed to doing lots of activities. Different strokes for different folks, she'll probably become more outgoing as her English improves. It's very tiring the first couple of months in a foreign country.

Hope things work out well, Beet, good on you for taking her in. I look back on my time in France as one of the highlights of my life and still keep in touch with my host family.

How long has she been with you?

Is she close in age to any of your children? Could they just take her along with them on some/all acitvities? What sorts of things did she do in free time at home in France?

thats why i said tell her twice a week you will all do something as a family and thats not optional and tellher on other 2 days she has to choose something or you will choose for her the the other 3 days she can do as she wants maybe the routine might help but tell her she must choose 2 things she would want to do and if she doesnt she will have to do what you choose and give her a week to decide then you will sit with her and see her choice and stick to it

she is with me until June
My kids activites are related to theri school - choir/music/ games etc so she cannot join them

She is 15 months older than my ds1.

Doing something as a family is not an option tbh.

My kids don't finish until 6pm and they are at school/choir Saturday and Sunday

I remember when I was a kid, my sister had a French girl to visit on an exchange for 3 weeks. Would you believe, she refused to wash or take a bath during that whole time (we didn't have a shower). In the end, my mum, mortified at the idea of sending her home to her mother unwashed, physically dumped her in a hot bath, scrubbed her, washed her hair and cleaned her teeth.

I think Kiki spent 3 weeks in our house miserable and hating the food and the pressure, and being too polite (or inarticulate?) to say so. I remember her tasting something and saying it was "special" (in French special means "peculiar").

Try and find her some activities during which she can speak French. School and living in an English family will be quite enough of an English speaking experience for her.