I want dd1 to learn to swim but she's becoming almost PHOBIC about it all

[Moomin]

Dd1 (6) and dh go swimming regularly when they can - mostly just a splashabout on a Sunday morning and she seems fairly confident in the water as long as she has her armbands on. Whenever he's tried to move things on a bit and achieve some progress as far as swimming, jumping in, putting face under water, etc she gets really clingy and upset.

LOts of her friends have been having swimming lessons and are doing really well, but when I mentioned this as a possibility for her so she can learn to swim to her she freaked out - tears, sobbing and there was no consoling her. She's not a very 'physical' child anyway, much more into other things, which is fine, but I think certain things (like being able to swim) are necessary, esp at her age.

She's not scared of water - on holiday she played in the sea every day and waded in up to her chest - and she loves playing with dh at the pool but she's getting really hysterical if we so much as mention taking her armbands off at some point in the future. I don't want to upset her but I also feel that it should also be presented as a fait accompli in some ways and book some lessons regardless. The instructors will surely be used to kids with fears etc and would be better at dealing with this than us? Or do you think this will give her a complex? She's so capable and confident in all other matters - it's really frustrating.

Moomin I have no advice just wanted to say "Hi" and bump for you
Hope it gets sorted

How about a one to one lesson to get her going ? Has she seen lessons in progress , maybe it seems too intimidating ?

Moomin...I think I'd give her a bit longer...there's a huge difference in age between 6 & 7..and I think it's probably better not to force the issue and put her off. as long as she's enjoying being in water and is confident the rest will come. How about taking her swimming with a friend, maybe one who is armbandless? This might just be the encouragement she needs.

Instructors won't necessarily get them to take their armbands off at first - DS's teacher puts on vests/armbands as appropriate. A good teacher will then be able to get the children to progress. However, if she can't put her face in the water then one-to-one lessons might help. I reckon putting your face in comes before taking the armbands off.

We've been gradually getting DD(3) to get accustomed to armbands, not being held and jumping in - all through an instructor in very small classes (not by design, by accident) as she screams too much just with me!

Definitely sign up for lessons. The instructors know what they're doing. An instructor once told me that wearing swimming goggles can help with fear of putting your face in the water, as most children shut their eyes when they do this! When they can see under water and have mastered breathing techniques, the panic seems to subside. They will still use flotation equipment until they are confident, and use it for specific technique improvement exercises when they are good swimmers.

it really depends on your child though,...if you think she'll freak don't do it! If you think there's a good chance she'll love it after the inital shock,...then great. I sent ds1 to swimming lessons at 5.10 hoping he'd be ok,..he wasn't. he sat on the edge shivering and crying so I left it a year..and it was fine. I knew he wasn't that confident and I should have listened to my gut instinct.

Could you perhaps put a little less air in the arm bands each time so she is eventually having very little air in? My mother said that is how she learnt, altho it took her a long time to take them off even with no air in, it was the comfort thing!

FWIW the current methods of teaching do not use arm bands at all as it gets the body and face in the wrong position they prefer woggles as the body is horizontal but still supported.

book the swimming lessons - she'll be fine with a good teacher.

i had a friend who couldnt't dive - it became a 'thing' her dad tried mum tried, friends tried, other adults tried

one lesson

she was fine.

No experience with six-year-olds, but ds is three, and until this summer, didn't do swimming. We'd been swimming once in the past year. And then, on holiday in August this year, he just couldn't get enough of it. He won't yet put his face under - fine - but his confidence has soared, and he's unstoppable with his doggy-paddling.

What I'm trying to say is that he hasn't been made to go swimming at all; we've talked about it, with no pressure, and he got into it when he was ready. I believe there's a lot to be said for putting the ball in your dd's court.

She's six. Does she really need to be swimming yet, as opposed to simply enjoying the water? I feel sure, if she has the benefits of swimming explained to her gently, and you tell her that you'll help her and organise lessons the moment she feels ready to be taught, she'll come round to the idea within the next few years.

i'm a swimming teacher, and have a scared almost-7 yr old and a very confident 4y.o.
the 7y.o. could hardly be persuaded to get his knees wet til we went a lot to the swimming pool a couple of summers ago - tho it sounds like you are better off than that!
My DS goes to a local swimming club (much cheaper than lessons,too!) and he learns with a group of his own ability. he doesn't wear armbands now - a year on, but they learn to take them off for a short time at once and the teacher is in the water.

Why don't you go to watch some swimming lessons and talk to the teacher? once she sees it she might be desparate to join in!

Another 6 months may not seem a long time to you but would make a huge difference to her confidence, if you can book lessons for the summer term starting at easter it might be the best compromise!

Speaking from experience, we find that pushing DD before she is ready at anything (includes swimming, dance, riding bike w/out stabilisers, going without nappies at night) to be a disaster. Didn't exactly set us back, but is a waste of money and energy to take her to lessons unless she wants to go; you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. For instance, she cried hysterically thru dance lesson at age 3, & again thru swimming lessons at age almost 6 (just a few months ago).

Last week we went swimming with another family & DD of her own volition wanted to and managed (suddenly, first time) to swim a little without a buoyancy aid, face in water, feet off bottom, etc. She was finally mentally ready... she still would freak out at actual lessons, though. Some kids you can push to learn things, but I think others you have to let them take the initiative, all you can do is give them opportunity.