Hello all,
I have previously posted about my inability to toilet train my four year old. He is now four and a half and due to start school in a week and he is back in pull ups. I am in tears most days due to his behaviour and I think I need to seek professional help but I have no idea where to turn as the UK is still not operating properly due to Covid and I doubt anyone would see him. I tried to get him assessed for autism but no one got back to me, seems healthcare has ground to a halt.
I think we need to see a therapist as I feel he has alot of anger and emotional problems. He was seriously ill two years ago and for four months I struggled to get taken seriously and get him diagnosed. I was told I was a nervous first time mum and I even started to believe I must be overreacting, even when my poor baby was vomiting and passing out through extreme pain. I finally managed to get the doctors to take me seriously or physically remove me from the hospital, whereby they discovered he had liver damage, pancreatitis, a failed gallbladder and a blocked bile duct - he was severely ill and in incredible pain, his surgeon said he had experienced for all of his life in increasing intensity. He was hospitalised for a month and put onto medication and pain relief but he was too ill for surgery so we had to wait before travelling to a specialist liver surgeon in Birmingham who could do the operation. All went very well and he's as good as new, but I have a feeling that he's been psychologically traumatised by the experience.
He still remembers it and whenever we go to the doctors he is scared they will take blood from him (that was the worst part in hospital as he had loads of blood tests). When his baby brother needed his injections, my son was hysterical, he cried more than the baby. He has reverted to a baby like mentality which I thought was caused by his brother's birth, but now his brother is 14 months old and my son is still in that state. I'm wondering whether he is going back to a time when he felt secure and safe before the pain reached it's height when he was 2 years old. As I said, he is back in nappies as he says he's a baby and will wee and poo in his pants. He says he wants to be a baby but he can't say why. He is very angry and frustrated and is becoming increasingly rough with his baby brother, to the point I cannot turn my back on them for a minute as he will make a bee line for him to hurt him on purpose. He says he likes hurting him and wants to hurt him, even though he knows it makes me upset and his brother upset, he wants to inflict pain. Is this because all he knew was pain for so long and that was normal to him?
As each day goes on, I want to be around him less and less. The hurt he is causing to his baby brother kills me, the pressure of not being able to look away for a second is immense and the fact that he says he likes hurting him concerns me deeply. I lose my temper when he hurts his brother and he doesn't seem to care which just increases my anger, but then I feel guilty that he's acting like this for a reason that I'm failing to understand and I'm letting him down. I thought he must be jealous but he has started to hurt his friends too and I'm worried about how he will be when he starts school as he's not big for his age and he will most likely get thumped back. He won't talk to me or tell me what's bothering him and I feel that I cannot help him, but we can't go on like this.
Who do you suggest I talk to? I'm worried no one will listen and take me seriously again, especially as no one wants face to face meetings anymore - I'm done with Covid and this new world. I'm feeling very low and I've had some very dark thoughts recently. I have to keep reminding myself that he's still alive and ok as every so often, for a second, he's not there anymore. Silly things, like washing the clothes he wore in hospital that his brother now wears will bring it on and I have to reminded myself that he's ok. I still cannot look at his empty car seat even now if I drop him off somewhere as for a second he's not alive anymore, it's horrible and I don't understand why I'm still like this two years later.
Any suggestions will be welcome, I'm failing this one big time.