To deal with a 6 year old that's unwilling to use the toilet

[Alxandra]

Our 6 year old frequently wets and soils himself, even when at home and we don't know what we can do to curb the behaviour. His excuses are he is too busy playing, doesn't like using the toilet, doesn't want to use the toilet, too scared to ask to use toilet (he doesn't need to when at home)....at school he is reluctant to use the toilet, at home we're always suggesting he uses the toilet, he says he doesn't need to and then his trousers are wet. We don't know what to do, seem to have tried everything from encouraging him to threatening him and still no progress. Any ideas on how to deal with this?

Make it a massive pain when he wets himself, having to change out of clothes himself, put them in the wash, have a shower etc. If it is easier to use the toilet than get wet and have to spend ten minutes dealing with it he may choose to start using the toilet.
Does he wet at school? If he does, could be a medical problem as being teased is a lot worse than having to use the toilet!
Good luck

I feel your pain, have been there and back. Two things I learnt over the years - some kids hate a cold toilet! It’s just not a nice place to be so they put it off & avoid going. Also, there is a thing called urinary dysfunction where basically the bladder isn’t able to hold much & they get wet pants many times in the day. We took our daughter to a urologist when she was getting lots of UTIs, & he told us we had to keep up her fluids - LOTS of water, & must get her to urinate first thing in the morning, lots during the day, & just before bed. Drinking a lot actually trains the bladder to hold more, it actually changes the bladder over time, which I did not know. Can you maybe start a reward chart for your son? If he goes, say, every 2hours, and sits (does he sit?) for a good 5 mins each time, he can earn ‘stars’ or something, & after a certain amount he might, say, earn himself a new book from a bookshop, or some other treat. I promise though he will grow out of it, not many 12 year olds who refuse to go to the loo out there! Good luck.