Crying at one year old

[Sillymummies123]

Hi all,

I’m sure I’ll get slated for asking this, but let me explain. My partner and I have had no experience with babies prior to having our first. He was premature and unwell and so we avoided nursery, baby groups etc and then lockdown began. He has never seen another baby and neither have I!

I’m asking this because the worry is just destroying me - how much crying is normal at one?

He cries when he’s tired, hungry or thirsty. He cries when he’s crawling around. He cries at breakfast lunch and dinner. He cries when we change him. He cries in the car.

When he isn’t crying he just lets out little whines. If we’re feeding him, in between distractions and mouthfuls he’ll reach for us whining.

It feels like it’s his default to be miserable and whiney. If he smiles, it’s a ten minute burst before he’s whining or shrieking again. It’s really wearing me down, but more than that - it’s filling me with worry that I’m raising an anxious baby who will never be happy.

How long has this been for? Do you think he's been unhappy since birth or has it come on in the past few days/weeks? Is he developing within normal ranges? How are you dealing with the crying? Xx

Hiya,

He has always been very precious. I think ‘strong willed’ best describes it. He knows what he wants and knows how to fight it. I’ve tried all manner of responses from loving cuddles, placating, distracting, ignoring etc.

Ignoring makes it escalate until he’s just very worked up. Distraction is okay but he’s not so easily fooled. He doesn’t really take cuddles easily. He’s learned the word ‘cuddles’ and does it now, but I think that’s more to please us that because he gains any satisfaction from it.

He’s a little behind developmentally, but compared to other 26 weekers not so much. Verbally he’s a little behind but does babble at us (mostly agagagagg and ogogogog). He understands some words like mummy, daddy, nanny, picture, cheese, drink, food, pink ball.

I’m just really concerned that he might be really really miserable and that I’m missing it.

I’ll further elaborate that he is otherwise social, crawls, stands but not without support from furniture etc, takes his own shoes off, seems interested in the world around him. Just really stubborn and not enjoying life

Awwwww ok Haha. I think it's important to try and incorporate cuddles and contact time as best you can especially if he was born premie and missed out on that time. I have similar with my adopted daughter and am quite conscious of it due to what they teach about attachment etc. She's a mover and is very cuddly and loving but sometimes it does require effort. Just try different ways of establishing contact and do lots of what works. Things that worked with our's was using a sling, lots of singing and contact when she's in high chair or other places she can't run away lol and getting lots of baby massage and games like round and round the garden etc in when she's having nappy changed or just out of the bath etc. Some babies don't respond quite as readily to all this at others but ALL will benefit from it so just keep going. I'm not really sure there's anything up as such from what you're saying though. Lots of babies are quite whiney and develop into very happy easy going toddlers. The approach I would advise though is lots of contact and love as above and try and stay patient with him. It won't last forever! Xx

Is he high needs baby?

Can I just say firstly, our daughter has had multiple surgeries and as such has only ever seen the babies of my best friends and not at an age where she was interacting so I totally understand that. And you should be proud of the development as mine is still behind despite not being premie.

Can I ask is he 12 months or 12 months corrected? As you need to consider that with being that premature.
I think some babies just cry, I know that's not the answer you want but some do! If it's not during a specific activity that might make you think something is wrong physically then I think hes just a crier. Mine cries regularly when put down.