4yr old tantrums and will not put shoes on

[kate1963]

Can anyone please give me any advise on what to do with my 4yr old daughter as I am at my wits end.

She is very wiful and can have a tantrum for hours! the latest problem is shoes. She has to wear trainers for school. The trainers have velcro across them, she says they are not tight enough even though they will not go any tighter and she has strap marks across her feet.

The shoes are thrown across the room etc and I just dont know what to do about it as it takes at least an hour every morning to get them on her feet!
HELP please!

My first instinct would be to trust her and to assume that she is telling the truth and that they feel horrible on because they feel too loose.

Do you have another pair she could wear instead? Even if they're not the exact right colour, she's only four, she won't get excluded because of it!

Thicker socks to solve the immediate problem? What about plonking her in a buggy and leaving her at school with no shoes on (after warning her teacher first!) ?
It's about more than the shoes though, isn't it?
What sets off her tantrums? And what do you do while she's at it?

Thanks for the reply. She is the same with all shoes unless they are flip flop types. She is too young for laces and she refuses to wear slip on shoes as you've guessed it they are too loose!

I have sandles and trainers and she says the same thing. The straps are actually cutting into her because they are so tight and still she says they are too loose.

Any other ideas?

she is at primary school so she cannot stay in a buggy. I've tried different thickness of socks and no socks with sandles. Socks are also a problem as she thinks they are bobbly where the seems are!!!

I am quite calkm most of the time and explain that they cannot go any tighter or they would break and that she is hurting her feet but to no avail. Once she is on one it is usually the shoes and then the clothes follow. We are also having problems with pajama bottoms as well as they are stupid! and she pulls them off as well

She has such a lovely nature normally and is very bright for her age. We live in Tenerife and she speaks two languages so her understanding of things is brillient but when she has a tantrum you cannot get through to her!

she's a hard nut to crack then......I don't think even if she could wear shoes with laces, that would be any better, because they come looser through out the day, so she would hate them too!

I think perhaps if this was me I'd take her to clarks, get her professionally measured (tell them she constantly complains of looseness) and TELL dd that these people are the shoe experts - if they say they they're ok, then they ARE OK!

At least you'll know her shoes fit as well as possible; then you can have no truck with her tantrums if she carries on. You can ignore her without worrying.

Has she just started school? Perhaps her anxieties about it are being focussed on the shoe thing?

oh just seen you're in tenerife - whatever the shoe shop equivalent of clarks, you have, then!

why is she too young for laces?

Let her go to school in no shoes.

She'll soon work out why she needs shoes.

I have taken my children to school in their PJs and out in the snow in slippers when they kicked up a fuss/refused to do as they asked. It is surprising how quickly children will learn....

I think she is too young for laces as I can already see what she would be like with them - they would be broken as she tried to tighten them!

She has already been at primary school for a year and loves school so its not that.

I've have taken her to school with not shoes on as well and eventually puts them on with the teacher watching..still too loose!! ha ha I've even taken her to school naked and has to put her clothes on when I get there.

She has had her feet measured and the shop assistant was very clear on how tight the shoes should be and my daughter agreed and withing 24 hours they were not tight enough again!!!

Any other suggestions