Help I am going mad!!

[Lynne33]

I just had to post this to vent a little. My kids are driving me round the bend!! My ds (4) and my dd (2.6) are constantly bickering, pushing and pinching each other and generally getting on each others nerves. I seem to be shouting all the time at the moment and am becoming emotionally shattered . They also seem to have decided together to take no notice of what I ask them to do whatsoever. Every night I say to myself I am going to try not to shout at them tomorrow, and half an hour after they get up I am at it again!! Has anyone else been through this or got any ideas how I can diffuse a situation before I lose my rag and start shouting?!!

I had SUCH a fit on dh yesterday!!! He was working Sat and rang me from work to say did I mind him working Sunday as well. I said yes I did as, though I only work Tues to Thurs, if he's away at the weekend I feel like I get no time off at all - and I also had to do some work from home which is impossible if dd is up and about and noseying (13m old). As he works in a hospital there was no guarantee he wouldn't be called in Sunday anyway, so I asked his mum to look after dd for 2 hrs while I got my work done on Sunday. By 2pm yesterday, he wasn't called in and was going to be around for the rest of the day. Did he go to fetch dd? No he didn't. He rang her to ask her did she mind hanging onto her for another few hours so he could watch the Ryder cup in peace!!!! I had a rant later on, saying I wish I had the luxury of handing dd over whenever I felt I wanted time to myself and I thought he was selfish and dd was our responsibility, etc etc. He eventually got the message and rang his mum to apologise. He's promised never to do it again, but WHY do things like this need spelling out?!!! Yes, he's a great dh, and a great dad but I think he has no clue what it's like trying to get stuff done at the weekend or days off with a baby in tow!!! Sorry, rant over...

Oh don't get me started ! I work part-time, 3 days and dd goes to nursery. Mistakenly I thought that dh would like to spend time with and do stuff for dd at weekends - Oh No - that's his time ! If I even suggest that I pop out to get my hair cut or have a quick clothes shop he gets mega huffy as if I'm taking advantage.

I am always asking for a weekend lie-in but he never obliges, or if he does he takes dd downstairs, puts her CDs on really loud and leaves all the doors open so I can't sleep anyway !

I love a good rant - Men eh ?

Well thanks for your weekend ideas, seems there are quite a few of us in the same boat. I wonder why playgroups and classes etc don't have weekend sessions as there must be thousands of us out there. GillW I love the sound of your farm-park, sounds like an ideal place for kids.

Dear Elf (and everyone else),
I totally agree with you which is why I am contemplating sorting something out for my area. Need lots of encouraging ideas from everyone though - and possibly an enthusiastic someone to do it all with me (to be the sole organiser means alot of time which is sparse for all of us I'm sure you'll all agree).What does everyone else think?

Agree about the weekend thing. DH plays golf on a Saturday afternoon and I sometimes find myself at a loose end. DS is 19 months and past the happy to sit in the pushchair when shopping stage. I might take him shopping (but prefer to save this for a quiet day when I'm not working - Mon/Fri) or for a wonder around a garden centre (strictly browsing if DS is on reins) culminating with a cake in a cafe. This is a major treat for DS who loves sitting in a high chair flirting with some old lady and smearing himself in chocolate! (doesn't have choccie at home so I don't feel too guilty). Otherwise I take him to visit family, to feed the ducks somewhere or for a long walk in a country park.

I have also stipulated that Sunday afternoon/evening is family time and that if I want to do anything on a Saturday morning (usually shopping) then that is my perogative. DH agrees that this is fair.

My husband works all weekend, every weekend and it is hard. Nothing for kids is run on a weekend, as you've said, but also you don't feel like you can meet up with anyone else as they are all having family time. I do feel resentful sometimes but I find that if I get up with a positive attitude, 'this day is going to be productive and fun' rather than thinking, 'what am I going to DO with the 3 of us all weekend AGAIN?' it goes much better. I tend to plan a little trip out, to the park, shopping, whatever and plan a particular activity, cooking, gardening anything so I have to things to break up the day with.

Still trying to find someone else who's husband works weekends though so we can meet up sometimes.

Sounds like we are all struggling with the same normal things.

My dh works most weekends, often sat & sunday. Its miserable and I usually go away and visit family (as none nearby) to keep my sanity. All my friends have dh's home at weekends too. Would love it if there were things on at the w/ends, nothing in my area at all.

My DH works all weekend, every weekend, not earning money though which would be fine but renovating our house. It means I do the childcare 24/7 and I rarely get any time off. In fact I've not had any time off really for over 3 years.

Sometimes he takes older child to B&Q with him so I may get an hour or so. I envy other families who have days out or even weekends away. We never seem to do things as a family except in the house. I rarely see DH outside these walls!

I too find it difficult to know what to do as I feel I can't really go out far as DH likes me to be on hand to help with a bit of wood, plaster board, hold tool etc. Usually its just walks not far away, visit to the park etc and maybe tidying things up at home. Exciting eh?! But at the moment even watching TV is a luxury ... hmmm... am I getting sad...?

My dh works every weekend too, apart from 5 hours on Sunday afternoon, which is when we all go out. Luckily for me, my friend is a single parent so is always on hand for company on Saturdays. Her children are often visiting their father though, so it's a bit of a busmans holiday for her. We go to the coast, shopping, to soft play or just hang out at each others houses. Saturdays can be deadly when she's unavailable, unless anyone else has arranged a get together.

What else would you want for the weekends when you are on your own with the kids? If someone was organising something in your area what would you want it to be?

Floops, a soft play place open on a saturday/sunday for the winter months would be great. Its the winter I find particularly hard, when it just rains and rains and outdoor stuff has no appeal. Or a crafty type place offering workshops, painting or pottery?

Exactly what I was thinking jessi! That's what I would want for my two but nothing in our area - so thst's some things to incorporate. Anyone got any thing else they would like to see?

This might bit pie in the sky, but just see what you think: What about a parent's cinema club with babies and young toddler soft play beforehand? Rent a hall, a film screen and projector. Get some soft play apparatus and toys together, have an hour of that to tire out the little ones, then clear it away, put babies and toddlers in their pushchairs and watch a film that appeals to parents, without upsetting toddlers, and isn't at too high a volume, to encourage the little ones to drop off the sleep. As everyone has offspring, no one, hopefully, is going to get narked if a baby starts shouting. Alternatively, rent an area in a local cinema for the soft play and then see a film on the cinema's programme, if the management agree to an audience of parents and babies (might do if you pick an unpopular time ie late morning, very early afternoon)

Tigermoth that is a brilliant idea! I despair that there aren't saturday morning cartoons on at the local cinema anymore. We used to go every week, it was really cheap!

thanks Jessi - as for the film choice, you could show films that entertained the parents as long as the babies and toddlers were tired enough to sit or snooze.

the clapham picture house does them, as does the brixton ritzy. hth.

Yes there is SueW but it is only able to show films with a U rating as bizarrely film classifications apply even to babies.

SueW what a coincidence - I did exactly the same thing yesterday for the same day. except I got 3 tickets so dh and myself can "accompany" dd!

Just thought I would let you all know, I am facing another entire weekend without dh BUT so far the children are behaving impecably (sp?). They have played together nicely in the garden (no arguements), then we took a stroll to the local shops to get some wrapping paper for a party ds is going to this afternoon, and they held my hands nicely and didn't try to sprint in front of any oncoming traffic!! When we got home they played for a long time with crayons and colouring books without fighting over who had what, they then played dot-to-dot on the Disney website, and are now happily watching a Dave Benson-Phillips video before lunch.

I can't believe how idyllic it all is, long may it last (but I bet it doesn't!!!!)