Hi Crunchie, glad you're here again. I've missed your posts. That experience must have really shaken you up. Do you now look twice at any acquaintance/neighbour? - I'd really want to know who reported it if I was you. I suppose the only positive thing you can draw from this is that Social Services in your area do follow things up - in your case there was no reason to take it further, but in other cases there might have been.
Oh and just remembered, we had a brief phone call from social services when my son was around five - he had been in hospital casualty twice in a month - cuts and bruises from playing out. They wanted me to repeat to them what happened. They said it was normal procedure if a child went to casualty frequently.
I've just glanced through this thread and wanted to add something else to it. Firstly the shouting -been there done that. My oldest son was a toddler and a half. I don't know if it is shell shock from that time, or whether my youngest son, now three, is easier (so far), but I lose my rag far less with him.
I think, though, that the worst is to come - I can still (mostly) distract him out of a tantrum and do (mosty) fine ignoring the rest. I remember feeling a great sense of foreboding when my oldest son got past the distraction phase. Suddenly my words didn't work. I think that's when the shouting took off!
I do still shout at both boys, and especially the oldest who still won't listen. I cannot imagine there is a parent who never ever shouts at their children. Does such a parent exist? I now have a special shouty voice, though, that I hope is more socially acceptable. As soon as I feel myself raising the volume I lower the octave, so I am loud and deep as opposed to loud and shrill. It makes me sound more in control ( and so I feel more in control) and, I like to think, more powerful.
Can't say it instantly stops my sons in their tracks, but at least it indicates that mummy is angry. This can be followed up with a deep and menacing 'do you really want mummy to lose her temper' As they have seem me lose it in the past, they know what this means and it is not good. One advantage of losing your temper in front of children is that you can refer back to it on other occasions as a warning of what might happen if they don't stop the naughtyness right now.
Anyway, a while ago CAM gave me a tip - and I see www mentioned it too. I think it is a really hard tip to follow, but it does work for me when I can bear to follow it. Basically when your child is being really naughty, just stop everything you are doing for 10 minutes or so (really hard when you are feeling so wound up) and sit and play with them. Give them your full attention and only once they are playing happily do you leave them.
Also, I think it's really important to make your peace at bedtime and have a chat and a cuddle before sleep. It's for me at least as much as my sons. They want to feel loved despite everything. And even more so, I want them to feel that they feel loved despite everything.
I know this thread is really about shouting, not smacking, but just wanted to say this - I did smack my oldest son, as well as shout at him, when he was say 3 - 5 years. I don't smack him now - I've found there are more effective ways to punish an 8 year old - however, talking to him about smacking, he says he can never remember me smacking him really, or getting that bad tempered and having long shouting matches, and so far doesn't seem at all phased by it. Yet I KNOW I really lost it with him sometimes when he was younger - shouting culminating in a quick slap. It appears to have done no lasting damage, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it.