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Please help!!

4 replies

mothership98 · 26/07/2020 19:50

So I don't really know where to begin, I guess that I've simply came on here for some anonymous advice. I am 21 and a mother to a beautiful nearly 2 year old lb, we're currently going through the process of getting him diagnosed with autism however due to the obvious pandemic it's a little delayed.

However me and my partners (his dad) are pulling our hair out, it's so hard to figure out what it is that he wants, I tick every box that I can thing off and he still sits on the floor in anger, and screaming at us, we've also been told to stop shouting at him (not recommended as he's likely to be autistic) and began trying to be as stern as we can be. It's harder because he doesn't understand what we're saying, he doesn't like to play during play time and he's a very independent child, don't get me wrong he shows his love with cuddles and kisses but when he wants something I literally don't know what it is he's after.

We're also struggling with his anger at the moment, hitting himself, hitting us, kicking and throwing things, and I can't pull him out of it, he's not interested in anything, and it's seriously making me feel like the worst mother in the world, I can't understand my own child and he can't communicate to me.

Also I was after advice in regards to nursery, he's supposed to start in the next few months but however will he be able to him being so behind on development? He can't communicate to anyone, and He doesn't understand anyone either, it's so tough! Any advice would be so so helpful, if you're still reading thank you so much 🤍❤️

OP posts:
DawnMumsnet · 30/07/2020 10:40

Hi @mothership98,

We know you posted this thread a few days ago, but as there were no responses at the time we thought we'd give it a bump for you to get it back into Active Conversations. Hopefully some Mumsnetters will be along soon with some advice and support. Flowers

AladdinMum · 30/07/2020 12:40

It does sound tough, and from your description of him an autism diagnosis is likely. He can still and should go to nursery - I would approach their SENCO officer and explain the situation and his struggles. Once he starts they will asses his needs and if required request extra support for him - a official autism diagnosis is not required for him to access extra support at nursery.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 30/07/2020 20:07

You're not a bad mum at all but your DS is facing bigger problems than most kids and you are doing all the right things to get him the help he needs. So you're a very good Mum but it's just really tough on all of you.

To be honest I wouldn't even bother being stern with him, he doesn't understand. All he knows is that something is wrong or he wants something and he can't say what the matter is, so he is screaming and hitting out the same way that a little baby would because he can't communicate. Even if at other times he is more grown-up. All you can do is try to weather the storms and keep things calm when possible.

I agree with AladdinMum about talking to the nursery SENCO so they are ready to think about what support he might need.

I don't know much about childen as young as your DS, my DS was only diagnosed with an ASC when he was older. Though I do remember going through the list of things he might want while he got more and more cross! The funny thing is he could speak very well at other times, but he couldn't ask for things at all.

The National Autistic Society has a really good website, you might find some ideas. And youcoukd try posting on the Special Needs (Children) board here - there are more MumsNetters there with experience.

And look after yourself too Flowers

ZooKeeper19 · 30/07/2020 22:29

Hi OP @mothership98 one thing that I saw a few times mentioned was they do struggle with words and expressing themselves, there is hand movements that help with that. It is a little like the sign language. I just googled, it's called Makaton.

No idea if it would be any use but maybe you can try.

Can't help with the nursery part but I can see how hard that would be for everyone. Hope the above link can help. I also think there are child support workers for ASD/SN kids in nurseries, maybe once he gets his assessment he could het help in that way.

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