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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

so what is the best discipline technique for a 3/4 year old who continually ignores what she is asked to do????

18 replies

CarGirl · 30/09/2007 18:34

I mean completely ignores and carries on doing what she wants, even at pre-school she would retort "I'll just finish doing x first", she wets herself regularly because she will not stop what she is doing to go for a wee!!!!!!!!!!!

She does not have a hearing problem (been checked)

It's in part her personality she has always been like this.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HonoriaGlossop · 30/09/2007 19:31

But I don't think it's unreasonable of her to negotiate and say "I'll just finish this first"....if you jump in five minutes before you need her to change activity, with warnings of 'in three minutes we've got to do...." then she has her time to finish off what she wants to do.

I really think that's normal - no-one wants to just be wrenched away from somethng they're enjoying.

Also, when she calls, do you instantly go or do you say "in a mo, I'll just finish doing x"?!?.... she may be learning alot from the role models of the adults around her!

HonoriaGlossop · 30/09/2007 19:33

If she is completely ignoring your request, I think you need to get right in front of her and get her attention; many kids of this age really find it dead easy to tune out requests that aren't 'in their faces'.

And don't worry too much about the wetting; I know it's annoying but it should be a short lived phase, I've known many kids do this at this age but it's often ok just a few months down the line.

scattyspice · 30/09/2007 20:23

I'm with HG. Give notice. Check she's heard (get her to repeat it if necessary) then start counting to 10.

inamuckingfuddle · 30/09/2007 20:31

DT1 is a bit like this, I do much as HG has suggested - get her to repeat what I've said, to the point of standing in front of her until she does, also counting which tends to make her jump to it and I do try to give her plenty of notice. Luckily Dt2 is far more compliant and organised so tend to take a lead with her errant twin!

MarsLady · 30/09/2007 20:32

Give the warning a la HG.... me... I look at DT1 and sometimes think adoption. I've started many a thread!

Warnings work though!

Original poster

CarGirl · 30/09/2007 22:44

I already give warnings, makes no difference! The wetting phase has been going on for 18 months grr, interested to see if it happens at school!

When I ask her to repeat she blanks me, then when pressed will tell me (so she has heard) the last time asked her why "because it was boring" - can't actually remember what it was though!

Think I may have to start giving her a time out for deliberate ignoring - just dreading it though it will take up most of the day.

Thanks for our input glad I'm not alone in my suffering!

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 30/09/2007 22:49

Maybe she was too young 18 months ago to be potty trained, it might explain why this wetting phase has gone on that long. Many kids aren't out of nappies till 3, thus avoiding this as an issue for as long as 18 months perhaps!!!

She does sound a hard nut to crack though, sympathies! Maybe you could put things to her in different terms...I mean, my ds always reacted extremely fast if I told him we were going out in two minutes, and I was going to win the race to the door, stuff along those lines. And role playing worked, don't know if this would suit your dd, but DS was often 'in character' so I could bring that in, as in "We're going to go shopping, you can drive a double decker trolley today bus driver!" and other bizarre stuff like that....

just a thought. There must be a way to engage her more.....

Original poster

CarGirl · 30/09/2007 22:55

She toilet trained at 2.5 quite easily, as for engaging her more yes I'll try that she does as a rule enjoy playing on her own as much as with her sisters, when they're not around she can disappear for an hour or so in her playing!

She loves dressing up etc but any suggestions of princess leaving in 2 mins usually then entails princess adjusting her finery and collecting more stuff to take with her - she has been known to do a return school walk in her plastic heels - 2 miles worth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is a bit of nutter tbh

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 30/09/2007 23:05

CarGirl, she sounds adorable Yes, a little, shall we say, eccentric but i think her character will stand her in good stead in life!

sarahsails · 01/10/2007 08:48

My DS3 (nearly 4) is exactly the same, down to weeing himself when he's really interested in something. I think the warning thing is a good idea and counting to ten (gives you time to think of a punishment before you get there). Also I find that actually taking them to the clock and saying 'What is the big hand at?....It's at 4..when the big hand is at 6 (or whatever) you have to stop doing whatever it is your doing' then after 10 minutes (or 5 or 3) make them go and look at the clock again. Surprisingly this usually works and is teaching him numbers and telling the time. DH thought of it...best idea he's ever had. Works an absolute treat for bedtime!!

sarahsails · 01/10/2007 08:49

Sorry about my spelling!!

Countingthegreyhairs · 01/10/2007 10:45

Good advice again from HG

Plus, I find a timer with a loud ring (have them in most rooms) helps my dd but still have to warn in advance iyswim, "I'm going to set the timer now and when the bell goes off in five minutes I would like you to xyz please". Works well. She's 4 now so she sometimes negotiates about the time allowed -even though she doesn't really understand the difference between 5 and 10 minutes to be honest ...

Countingthegreyhairs · 01/10/2007 10:46

Forgot to say - read someone that good, long, sustained focus is a sign of intelligence in a child ...

Countingthegreyhairs · 01/10/2007 10:47

high intelligence (meant to say)

TigerFeet · 01/10/2007 10:55

I am a big meanie, if dd is engrossed in something to the point where she repeatedly ignores me then I threaten to take the thing away. She soon remembers how to listen then

TripletEm · 01/10/2007 11:02

I've just introduced a pocket money chart for my three,they have a little list of things that they must not do duing the day i.e no fighting,screaming and if after one warning they stop they get some pennies added on. You could try and reward (bribe)by saying every time she stops what she is doing when mummy calls her she will get extra points or pennies added to her chart. It worked for my dd who would never listen to what I was saying!!

McDreamy · 01/10/2007 11:07

I went on a parenting course not long ago and their top tips were

give warning

get eye contact
come down to their level

tell what you wan them to hear

don't get into a conversation about what you want them to do just repeat what you want them to hear

I'm sure you already do all this but I thought I would share it with you anyway

Original poster

CarGirl · 01/10/2007 12:54

thanks, she is eccentric I hope it does stand her in good stead later on!!

When we user the timer we give a warning firts, timer goes on, timer goes off and then she starts with "I'll just do x first or blatantly carries on with trying to quickly finish what she in the middle of" I know at pre-school she would carry on doing craft until literally they had to really pressure her into "no you have to stop now" usually because it was tidy up time and it was only her stuff still there IYSWIM, again it was a usual occurrence every session!

Think I will try reward stickers and get dh and I to agree to one method that we stick to consistently. Forcing her to comply usually results in very loud wailing, throwing herself on the floor blah blah blah which again is so time consuming. We suspect budding actress!

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