Developmental delays

[hazza234]

Hi, I'm looking for advice and experience. I hope this comes across as judgey, I just want to know what others would do or if people have experienced similar.

So DB has 2.5 yo (I'll call them A). A hit all physical milestones such as walking but mentally has not. I'll give examples

A can not say any words. Makes a couple of noises, but mainly screams.
A does not respond to name majority of the time.
A cannot communicate in any other way such as pointing or waving.
A will not feed themselves.
A does not 'play' with anyone or anything. Will just bite toys or run around holding them.
A does not acknowledge other children, will just run into them if they are in the way etc.

These are the main things we have noticed. DM spoke to DB and SIL about possibly mentioning it to health visitor and asking for advice. DB agreed that he's concerned, but SIL became defensive and said that all children develop differently and that there is nothing wrong with A. I do agree that children are all completely different, but they have to catch up at some point.

Has anyone experienced anything similar and could give some advice? Our main concerns are hearing problems or autism and DM is concerned that if they don't get advice it could affect A in the future

Meant to say doesn't come across as judgey. Oops.

I do think you have valid concerns, everything you listed is concerning for a 2.5Y - the no pointing alone is concerning at 18M. Your DB should contact their HV or even GP - I am surprised these delays were not picked up at his 2YR review (if he had it). All children do develop at their own pace but usually inside a certain timeframe - the delays you describe are fairly severe for his age.

Thanks for the reply. We were also hoping that it would be picked up then, we know it was originally cancelled due to COVID, they say it still hasn't happened.

A started nursery at 18m and we also hoped that this would help but nothing really seems to have changed since maybe a year old.

I understand from DB and SIL point of view that they are probably hope that A will just catch up, but I think there comes a point where you have to get some help. It's very hard as don't want to upset them

It's hard to say just on paper and remember that you are presumably just seeing this child for a small chunk of his life. However I can totally see why you're worried as on paper that all sounds quite concerning. I am a convert of the 'wait til they're 2' philosophy after seeing how my own dd worries me by seeming a bit behind in her communication and then coming on leaps and bounds suddenly. However I do think 2.5 is starting to approach the point of no return as most children's language learning capacity is developed by age 3.... I'm very surprised that nursery haven't expressed any concerns if he fits the picture you're describing. Could it be that they have and things are being put in place already but your relatives are just too uncomfortable to tell you? And the HV should be doing her job! Mine still had her 2Y check over the phone at 26MO and I'm sure would've responded to any concerns I expressed good luck but remember that ultimately this is not your responsibility although it is lovely that this child has you looking out for them. It's up to your brother and SIL to action things as they see fit and unless you see abuse happening it's not for you to sort unfortunately xx

Thanks for the reply. DB is close to us and DM so I think he would have told us if anything had been put in place. I would have thought that the 2 year review would have to be done as well.

We were seeing them 1-2 times a week pre COVID and have seen them a few times since (in the garden) but there's been no change.

I suppose we should just leave them too it as it will get picked up eventually if nothing changes. I just don't want it to be too late as I know how much speech therapy can help

there are other delays than hearing problems and autism, genetic disorders, learning difficulties - a GP referral to a Paediatrician would be a good place to start and probably quicker than help via nursery / school and early intervention can be really useful.

The problem is A's parents won't seek help as they don't think there is a problem

The problem is A's parents won't seek help as they don't think there is a problem