7 year old emotionally manipulating us

[Chocolateyclaire76]

Our 7 yr old daughter can be delightful but when we don’t do what she wants she really knows how to turn it on.

At bedtime tonight she wanted to go on the trampoline, I said no as it was too late, she asked over and over and over again, with the same answer from me. She then stood in the garden shouting ‘no one loves me, no one wants to play with me ever’. We spend loads of time together but if it’s not exactly on her terms she decides she’s had the worst day ever.

When bedtime came she tried to crawl in between my husband’s legs to come back down stairs again. He explained it was bedtime and told her to read a book and rest - as he left the room she was sobbing ‘I’m going to run away, no one loves me’.

She comes from a v lovely home but she really struggles with excepting decisions. I don’t want her to think we don’t care but equally I don’t want to give in to her behaviour!

I would deal with it by not taking her behaviour too seriously, not worrying about it. She is young, she is still learning to regulate her emotions, the very fact that she is so blatant shows that she is not (as yet) very good at "manipulating" other people (a skill we all have to learn to some extent as we grow older). Quite normal for her age, nothing to worry very much about.

Just stay calm, cheerful, mildly sympathetic but without backing down on your decisions.

Oh, and perhaps don't use "manipulate" when describing her behaviour to yourself- it is a very negatively charged word and thinking about it in this way may get in the way of dealing with it.

Really make a big deal of acknowledging how she is feeling eg, I hear you! You REALLY REALLY want to go on the trampoline right now! It’s so annoying and frustrating because it’s just late and almost bedtime now. You are such an amazing jumper-wow you are mad avd Cross right now! - if you were on that trampoline you‘d bounce higher than that tree,....higher than your school,....higher than... the Eiffel Tower!!
Let’s write down what we are going to do tomorrow- let’s put TRAMPOLINE at the top of the list!

Let’s boing up the stairs now together!

(Amazingly No mention of the word no or we can’t...!) No guarantees but an huge positivy injection should ease the Tantrums!

Selly24 this is so lovely and I wish I could remember this when we face issues v similar to OP!

For what it is worth, my 7 yo DD is similar and meltdowns seem to have become a lot more acute during lockdown. It has not helped that we've been hugely distracted trying to work while she's home from school. One particular low point was when she actually packed a bag full of her most precious things and announced she was leaving 💔

I have started to respond to these with as much love as I can muster and lots of sympathy, e.g. "this is really hard for you" - it feels a bit cringeworthy but seems to take the sting out of her outbursts. Now I'm trying to get my husband to do the same...